Two threads popped up today, one on pedophiles and JW's, and another on what keeps us/me coming back here....
I gotta tell you, when I remember that I was once an elder, spouting off the company line, it makes me sick. It really does. When I had to read the defense of JW pedophiles today, I was reminded that I too once spouted a similar line. I personally observed other elders resign for what I knew to be real differences they had with the GB on how to handle pedophiles. I sat there and nodded. At the time, I knew which side my bread was being buttered....
I never did stand up for the victims as a matter of principle. Fortunately for me, we had to deal with an old case, the victims were adults by the time I learned about it. Of course, the families were still threatened to be quiet in that dispicable JW thing about "confidentiality" and "respect for the elders..."
I didn't get it until after I left. I knew it was a problem, hell, I met at least 7-8 in the prison in our territory. But my head was so stuffed full of Governing Body bullshit, and I had wanted to be an elder so bad all my life, I just couldn't see.
*sigh*
I am really sorry that it took me leaving the borg to see it. Today, I feel like absolute shit about that. I was such a dickhead. Anyone who wants to be an elder at the age I was is nothing more then an ambitious snot nosed zit.
I tried toward the end of my time as an elder to be good and encouraging, but I was still an elder. Damn it! I should have just quit before I ever left for Gilead.... I am here now, to do whatever the hell I can.
Sorry for the rant. I hate that what I wanted above all else as a JW, I got to do, and to find out that made me part of a system that supports terrorizing people just makes me sick....
I hope everyone has a good night. I am probably just tired... ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz