Meandering Thoughts of my Old Life - Regrets

by AllTimeJeff 20 Replies latest jw friends

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  jamiebowers

  I never did stand up for the victims as a matter of principle.

  I didn't get it until after I left.

  I am really sorry that it took me leaving the borg to see it.

  Had you taken a stand on principle, it would not have changed the borg one little bit. What is really important now is to use your knowledge and experience to help those who have been damaged.
• 

  Big Tex

  I didn't get it until after I left.

  Nor did I. I think most people don't leave until they are touched in a personal way by JW dysfunction. In other words, they don't leave until they have a reason that means something to them.

  I've found the hardest thing about recovery is forgiving myself. I hear you, there are several things in my past I wish I could change, or at least change my behavior. But we can't, and we're not supposed to.

  I don't think there's anything wrong with the occasional look back and regret at mistakes made. You seem like a good guy Jeff, I hope as you look back you have the ability to make peace with yourself and with past mistakes.

  And then have a beer and call it all good.

  Chris
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Thanks everyone. Jamie, I hear you, nothing ever changes, I think the GB will go down gagging on the idea that they are Christs brothers... Bix Tex, you have been real cool, and I appeciate your support.

  I generally am at peace with my past, every now and then, feelings come up... I appreciate you all more then you know...
• 

  mrsjones5

  
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  dinah

  Yep, Jeff. You've learned from your experiences. You're alright in my book. Everybody has regrets, because nobody is perfect.

  There are things I used to think I would like to go back and change, but if I did I wouldn't be who I am today. I finally like me, it was just a long road to get here. The twists and turns are where you learn.
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  chickpea

  “I don't know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, 'well, if I'd known better I'd have done better,' that's all.

  So you say to people who you think you may have injured, 'I'm sorry,' and then you say to yourself, 'I'm sorry.' If we all hold on to the mistake, we can't see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can't see what we're capable of being.

  You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one's own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that's rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don't have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”

  Maya Angelou
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Chickpea

  I am a lover of quotes, and I love Maya Angelou. But what I will treasure about this quote is that someone (you) thought of me when they offered me this profound thought. Thank you.
• 

  flipper

  JEFF- Many of us deal with this. But I suppose , elders even more so because they sat as judge, jury, and executioner on JC meetings. Hey man - we were all victims of cult mind control by the WT society, you, me, everyone else here on the board- whether they admit it or not. And cult mind control is not a respecter of who it can dupe- smart people, stupid people, and in between. Intelligence has nothing to do with us being taken in by the WT society.

  It was that the WT promised us something we thought was special to a " people for special possession " and we were deceived like the rest. Forgive yourself and forgive the rest of us who like you were taken in by it unwittingly- what else could we have done until we got clarity ? We did the best we could with what we were taught- time to move on
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  bluecanary

  There was one particular hall where I was always excluded from my peer group. My brother was very popular. I thought I wasn't good enough for them--turns out I was too "good." When my brother told me all the stuff they used to do, it's no wonder they didn't want me around. I never would have let them get away with it. They all would have been up before a JC by the time I was done with them.

  I was such a JW Nazi. I wasn't in a position to really hurt anyone. I only ended up hurting myself and being stuck with no friends. And I acted the way I did because I whole-heartedly believed it was the truth and it was important to really LIVE it, not be half-assed. I regret believing it, but I don't regret acting in a way that I thought was Right.
• 

  LightCloud

  I was alot like you Blue. I thought it was important to talk the talk and walk the walk. My only regret in that was that I was able to put so much pressure on some of the other JW's at my school that in a few cases I got some of these kids to sacrifice normal life expriences to come back into agreement with the Truth. I had one JW girl even told me that I inspired her to embrace the truth more as she saw that it was possible to live just as the WT had told us to be. Prior to that she saw pretty much the blanket double life most JW kids lived and thought that was the norm.

  I gave up so much normal stuff in the cause of living according to the WTS. I once starved myself for 3 days as a self punishment for cussing. I cut off my first "girlfriend" as she was worldly. I dropped off the highschool baseball team. I stopped being involved in the political debate team. I gave up my dream of joining the Army as a helicopter pilot. I didn't pursue my offer of a scholarship to OSU.

  My biggest regret though has to be the Bible studies I brought into the "truth". I had a hand in them giving up all the normal and healthy things people should pursue. I just hope upon looking back that they recovered as I have. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time, now looking back though I can see just how wrong it was.