by billie jean 29 Replies latest jw friends
These people are insane. Prob your parents love you - but they have been taught to love in an odd way by this organization.
Rant away. You have earned the right. Anyone who sat in prison wrongfully for years has a right to be upset. Just glad you are out.
Peace
Jeff
Thanks Jeff. according to my psychologist that's exactly what's happened, they do love me but it's an unusual way to bring up a child and then the damage has been done. i've just realized how it's all part of still trying to control me even now i'm an adult. shame for them.
They become Jekyll and Hyde.
This is bang on! When the 'Hyde' comes out, I try to remain calm and collected. I also state I don't appreciate their 'tude. If it doesn't change I excuse myself and leave.
I wish i could remain calm about it, it upset me so much i felt victimised and started crying (embarrassed to write that) i did try not to cry and if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have been so upset. wish i had the strength of character to remain stoic.
It's nice to see you back. PM me if you like.
x
THANKS XX
Nice to see you, its good to be able to come to aplace and just pour out your feelings. Just having others understand
really does help cope.
h4o
wish i had the strength of character to remain stoic.
billie jean... this took me years to adopt this strategy and be able to implement it. I think you do have it within you... you just need to develop your own method(s).
You can practise it by using a past experience and dealing with the situation now but differently than you did at the time. Role play the experience with yourself. The first thing is to stop and mentally take a step backward. Also, when you feel the emotions rising, try not to react... some people literally count to 10 in their heads. I start talking to myself ... I say 'Calm down. Stay calm. Shields up. You can deal with this rationally. This person wants a reaction. Don't give it to them.'
It's a tactic you do to give yourself the needed seconds to collect yourself after they've given you the abusive, emotional blow. I had to adopt it with some of my family. Chronically ill people like to make you feel bad. Believe me, I'm not successful all the time. But the more I do it, the easier it is to use it the next time.
Years ago, Oprah Winfrey was under fire because of her comments about meat. Her psychologist at the time gave her some very insightful advice: "Don't Take It Personally"
When you adopt this, it makes things go a whole lot differently. Not always easy or possible to do... but the more you do it, the better you will feel about how to handle potentially negative situations. I have diffused a lot of anger from people at work this way. When you don't react, there's no fuel for the others emotions to feed off of. Eventually, they tire. Once the emotions wear off, a whole different direction is taken with the conversation.
They actually had some training at work here recently specifically for women on how to deal with these types of situations. The one instructor said "Envision you have a baseball glove on and you're about to catch the baseball coming towards your heart. Women have to do this as we are more emotional." Just something to think about.
It may have been a valuable experience in one way, billie jean. Now you know it's a no-win situation when dubs get out their Bibles and start spewing their hate-ridden doctrine at you.
If it happens again, you now know to do what I've done for years whenever the family starts in with their abuse -- refuse to discuss it with them and walk away. No one has to take that kind of abuse.
refuse to discuss it with them and walk away. No one has to take that kind of abuse.
parakeet... I agree with you that sometimes, this is the best strategy. In certain situations, it's the only one to use.
