What's the best way to reason with and help your wife to give up her JW religion?

by lifelong humanist 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LUKEWARM

  Print out and have her read the Jensen blood letters (an elder corresponding with the WTS over 5 years on the blood issue) towards the bottom of this page

  http://www.ajwrb.org/watchtower/index.shtml
• 

  AllTimeJeff

  Hi there. I am so sorry to hear about this. I empathize a great deal, as I had to make my own decision on my ex wife.

  For us, the foundation of our relationship was being active as JW's. She made comments frequently that led me to believe that it would be a lifelong effort to convince her otherwise, and indeed, she had no desire to be convinced otherwise. Things changed, I made up my mind and moved on.

  As others have noted, there is no one right answer. However, I would also add that to convince someone who doesn't want convincing is futile as well.

  Simply put, there is a lot about each individuals intellectual honesty that is challenged in these circumstances. Showing her things about blood or the FD Slave will not work imo, simply because she has already been indoctrianted against attempts like this.

  I prefer besty's suggestion best. And that puts the focus on the one person you can control: you. If you are prepared to love her as a JW, then I would say, in essence:

  "Honey, I love you. I will always love you. I have been so very sincere in this religion, and I have been heartbroken to learn that JW's are not who I thought they were, or who they say they are. You don't have to take my word for this, in fact, you don't have to do anything. As long as you can accept me, and love and support our marriage, then I am willing to do the same. I know this is hard on you. I hope at some point in the future that you will value me enough to listen to what I have found, but do that at your own pace. I have not come to this point lightly. The important thing is that I love you, and I hope you still love me."

  I feel I tread on most sacred ground here with you, but I appreciate your reading this, and genuinely wish you the very best outcome.
• 

  littlebird

  The Watchtower doesn't teach loving your apostate husband. How could a spouse love someone who is:

  1. Enemy of God

  2. Spawn of Satan

  3. Evil

  4. Dog that has returned to its vomit

  In my case, my husband feels the everending need to keep trying to bring me back to the JW's. This is despite the fact he's not suppose to talk to me about spiritual things, and despite the fact I keep asking me to stop. I've found, so far, that I cant reason with any doctrine. As was stated earlier, he's programmed against such objections. It's gotten to the point that he'll wake me up to start preaching at me or tell me whats going on at the Hall. I decided to leave for awhile and make a decision after I've had some sleep. Best to ya!
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  The age-old question that many of us struggle with. How do I free my loved one from the Watchtower?
  Various people here have tried various methods. Some have succeeded and some have not. I have not managed to free my wife from WT.
  
  Educate yourself- that's my suggestion. Some of the best reading is Steve Hassan's books on cults.
  The books are COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS. The first book is great for freeing oneself. The second book is a huge help toward freeing someone else.
  I am using the methods, but not in a team effort on my wife. RELEASING THE BONDS suggests forming a group of people trying to help the individual. A group effort, in my opinion in my case, is really not practical with such a deep-rooted person as my wife. Someone will blow our cover, so I have to resort to the methods on my own. The key is to help her to always think for herself instead of letting her use her cult-thinking. The key is to reach the real personality buried underneath the cult personality. If there are friends and family that you can confide in to help, even better.

  You know your loved one better than any of us. You can try various methods that you mentioned. They may work. If not, then join many of us who are in for a long effort to free our loved ones through the less invasive methods of patience, love, and reaching them by making them think for themselves.