I had to make a decision

journey-on

When I first faded from JWs, I didn't know for sure whether it was the Truth or not. Being raised in it, it is not so easy to abandon the years of indoctrination. Then, one day I decided: Sh*t or get off the pot. If it IS the Truth, I will die at Armageddon and since the dead know not anything, I will simply cease to exist. But, for the time remaining, I will live my life in freedom to search out answers and live my Life to the fullest extent possible. I will not be bound in chains of religious dogma. If at some time in the future, I find that I am lead back full circle, at least I will feel I did it with my own free will.

When you faded, were you still apprehensive about whether it was the Truth or not?

darkl1ght3r

Not in the slightest. I spent about 10 months continuing the charade after I knew for a fact it was not the truth (for 6 of those months I was still an MS, and was even assigned a Circuit Assembly part... holy spirit, my ass). I was trying to break it gently to my wife and family. Didn't work.

yknot

... well technically I am only 'mentally faded'....

But since I started my awakening via JWD I was spared this apprehensiveness.

I guess it is a testament that having support, printed proof and dialogue can aid in a cleaner/quick mental break from the Org versus going it alone as many were forced to do before the internet age.

Spike Tassel

we each must live in our own skin, and accept what our conscience says, assuming that it has been properly trained

Heaven

I don't know if I consider myself as 'fading' or 'faded' as I studied as a child and teen but never got baptized. Once I left home I never studied again. Yes, I was apprehensive right up to about 2 years ago. But many things just never added up for me over the last 30 to 40 years. And I knew myself well enough to know that I couldn't, as a woman, live in subjugation. And I didn't want to live in a world in the new system where I had to live that way as well. So I had accepted long ago that I would probably die and not get resurrected or I would die at Armageddon. Like you, journey-on, I figured if the dead know nothing I can handle that.

I saw a lot of depression in my family as well as hypocrisy. After getting out into the working world, I met so many different people from different backgrounds (Catholic, Jewish, Muslim...etc) that were quite wonderful and loving. I couldn't possibly believe the dogma of the JWs. I also have questioned a lot about the Bible itself and things didn't add up for me with it as well.

So far what I have learned is that to expect perfection from imperfect people or situations is ludicrous. You'll never accomplish the goal so don't bother trying. As well, I have learned that you need a foundation of 2 important things in order to have a happy and positive, growth filled life:

1) Embrace proper principles and that sometimes, to do this means the rules have to be bent or broken.

2) You need to know what you want in life.

Due to my parents, especially my father becoming a fanatical JW for a while, it turned me off anything to do with religion, especially the WTS and JWs. I missed my spirituality though. So about 2 years ago I began researching the WTS and JWs online and was quite surprised at what I found. My suspicions as a teenager were confirmed.

I had always had doubts about what I had been taught -- was it the truth or not? In my heart and soul I felt it was not due to the many contradictions and the hypocrisy and politics my limited exposure saw. But my head had to be taught it as well. My love for my parents caused me to doubt but not any longer. Now I feel sorry for them and I am upset at the damage this organization has caused my family.

leavingwt

I deconstructed it and proved to myself that it was NOT true before I ever took the leap of DA'ing myself.

bluecanary

I was shocked out of it by treatment from the elders and bethel. It took me a few days to get over the shock. It seemed to happen very quickly that I realized there was no way this could be God's organization. But I had the idea that they were generally a good religion that followed the Bible more closely than others; just that they didn't have God's backing which was imperative to make it worthwhile. It wasn't until I came here a year later that I learned they were full of crap.

Quirky1

Left it like a lead balloon..

journey-on

dark1ght3r: Amazing you were able to carry it off for 10 months! What we do for love!!!

yknot: Yeah. My fade was pre-Internet and believe me...it was not easy. We actually had to READ BOOKS to get information. We also had to walk 5 miles to school uphill both ways in snow up to our knees...but that's a different story :)

Spike Tassel: I respect your viewpoint. A trained conscience is a euphemism for bad unloving behavior in the name of religion sometimes, however.

Heaven: "As well, I have learned that you need a foundation of 2 important things in order to have a happy and positive, growth filled life:

1) Embrace proper principles and that sometimes, to do this means the rules have to be bent or broken.

2) You need to know what you want in life."

Spike Tassel

"properly trained conscience" is the key, which we all must get to, if our lives are to achieve success as they ought

I had to make a decision

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