She Would Have Been Better Off A JW

DJQuimica

Well I have been wanting to tell this story for some time now. Does anyone believe that a person is better becoming a JW? I ask this question because I have carried this around with me for some years now. My second wife a beautiful woman by the name of Tabitha Rucker (her first name has been changed to show respect) wanted to study with the JWs. First some background. I met Tabitha when I was attending Wharton Country Jr College in Wharton, TX. Make no mistake about it, I am not a country kind of guy, but I did grow up in a small town and everyone worked either on a farm or ranch during the summer. Anyways I was good a riding bulls, so I had a gotten a partial scholarship to be on the WJCJ rodeo team. This is where I met Tabitha. I knew of Tabitha she lived in a smaller town up the road from us, and we knew many of the same people even though we never actually hung out or dated. She was the exact polar opposite of me. This girl was a redneck, and by redneck I mean she dipped, owned a dualie Ford Truck, and had her name on the back of her belt. She rode her horse and did barrel racing. She was very good at it. We hit it off and we had a very tumultuous, passionate, end of the world relationship.

Tabitha loved to party, she loved to drink, and she loved to have sex (and not necessarily with me). We dated for about 6 months and then we got married. I don’t think I ever got 8 hours of sleep the whole time I was married to Tabitha. One day out of the blue, in part because my Mom had asked us to go to a meeting we went. My heart wasn’t in it, but I wanted to please my Mom. Well Tabitha was not the church going type and I think the only thing she had in her wardrobe were Wrangler and Rocky Mountain Jeans, blouses, and her cowboy boots. She actually went out and bought a dress just to go to the meeting. I really didn’t think much of it, but when we got to the KH, people came up and shook our hands and said how much they missed me, and they all wanted to meet Tabitha. You could tell Tabitha really like the atmosphere, and believe it or not she paid attention the whole time we were there. She loved hearing the singing and she was so serious during the prayer. I had never seen this side of Tabitha. Sure enough some of the sisters asked her if she wanted a book study and she said yes. She really got into the book study and even prepared ahead of time. I didn’t like it. I started to make sure that we were outta town on Saturday mornings so that she couldn’t study, and I would make excuses to not attend the meetings. Well before long Tabitha’s partying ways took over and she soon forgot about ever studying with the JWs or going to any of the meetings. We had parties and clubs to hit. A couple of years of too much partying and infidelity by both parties tanked our marriage.

Tabitha died in a car wreck a year after our divorce, she had been coming back from Lubbock and had been drinking. I feel that if she had continued to study with the JWs she might still be alive today.

DJ_Q

AudeSapere

Thanks for sharing part of your story.

Many witnesses drink and drive, too.

-Aude.

DJQuimica

Yeah I know that. But when a person is living that close to the edge, maybe she would have been better of a JW....

DJ_Q

nameless_one

I think there are some people who are "better off" remaining a JW, but I really don't think ANYONE is better off becoming one.

That is a tragic story you shared. It sounds like this lady was full of life and passion and a wild streak, and it is really sad that she died so young and violently. But a personality like that, stifled by the WTS, would have likely died a long slow death in the organization, and that could have been a worse fate imho. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive, I don't mean it that way. But staying alive by not really living, is worse than dying I think.

I'm sorry to know of your loss, she sounds like an interesting lady who embraced life in her own way.

quietlyleaving

tabitha

I've heard a couple of stories like yours DJ_Q and they have remained successful witnessess but their children haven't. The stories their children tell is very frightening. It seems that in taking on a strict witness personality to overcome their previous one they could not tolerate ordinary childish behaviour in their children.

DJQuimica

Thanks nameless_one, she was something. My Mom used to call her the anti-Christ, cause she was trouble, and it always felt good. But no seriously, Im not sure death is better. I said another forum that if she were alive and a pioneer in some congregation somewhere, I would be ok with that.

DJ_Q

nameless_one

I agree with you there DJ_Q, I don't think death is better but there's a big grey area between wild worldly and strict JW. If she had become JW and pioneered and all that, she might still be alive but would she be the same woman? Would she be happy? The cost would have been basically giving up herself to become something else entirely, and I do think that can be a horrible fate for anyone.

I understand a lot of what you're asking, not to the same degree of loss by any means but I also am struggling with the idea of when or if it is better for someone you love to be a JW than not. There are no easy answers, but in your case I just hope you're not looking back and beating yourself up with "what if." She made her choices, they ended very badly but at least they were her own.

Again, I am really sorry for your loss, and I'm also sorry if I'm coming across as insensitive, that is not my intent at all.

DJQuimica

nameless_one not at all. I wouldnt have put it out there if I didnt want to hear what people had to say. I know saying someone is better being a JW on this forum is not going to go over well, but I dont care. She is gone, and there is nothing anyone can do about that now.

Just somethings a person has to learn to live with. Funny thing is I hadnt really thought about it in a long time until I saw some JWs in field service the other day.

DJ_Q

quietlyleaving

she did not go silently into the night ...

I hope you can find something of her in the changing seasons - vibrant flowers in summer, strong winds in autumn, stinging cold in winter and soft rain in spring

JWdaughter

Your former wife might have been just as attracted to another church had she been exposed to one that appealed to her on the level the JWs did. Whatever level that was.

I know a person who was raised Jewish, was first exposed to the NT through WT bible and teachings of a JW acquaintance, but was a nerd enough to read the whole Bible and recognized that the WT was not it(the truth), moved on to Jews for Jesus and the Jesus movement of the 60's-70's, helped found Campus Crusade for Christ, was a pastor and is now an Orthodox Priest. Sometimes the steps we take are not the ultimate destination. I know a lot of people who have had a few steps and most of them figure everyone of them was necessary to get them where they wanted to be(are) ultimately. It may have been a first step for her, but obviously, she never finished the walk. I don't regret where I have been, but I try to let it inform me on where I plan to go in the future!

She Would Have Been Better Off A JW

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