DJ: Sounds like you feel a bit guilty for not getting her into studying. Problem is that her personal problems would not be solved by another set of problems. Sure she may have changed and followed the WT$ line, but for how long? As long as she followed the party line you might have had a somewhat more stable marriage but what would occur if she ever found out about the WT$ BS? Would she explode or implode? Her character sounds like she would explode and go wild and try to catch up on lost years due to WT$. So one can't tell how things could have been IF..... People sometimes don't think of consequances and that's what killed Tabitha - her love to party. Remember the good times you had with her and try not to feel too guilty for happened since it wasn't your fault.
She Would Have Been Better Off A JW
by DJQuimica 34 Replies latest social entertainment
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The Almighty Homer
Sad story to be sure but have you ever thought that possibly she just could have grown up and stooped
or slowed down on this destructive lifestyle without any religious intervention.
Sure there are a thousand different religions out there that would have put a stop to her unwholesome social behavior.
A lot of young people go through an age of irresponsibility and rebelliousness only to change their behavior as they see
for themselves what their behavior is doing to them and others, no religious intervention was required.
By the way I know of a lot of JWS who were heavy drinkers and some did die or were seriously wounded in car accidents.
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The Almighty Homer
Sounds like you and your deceased wife just needed to associate with better people , there are real wholesome
health conscience living people out there who aren't controlled by a dogmatic religious force.
The problem is if thats the way you were acting those kind of people wouldn't want to associate with you either.
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Lucky Calamity
I am sorry for your loss. Tabitha sounds like she was a fun-loving, free-spirit who could not be quashed by a Watchtower.
A short and flawed life, lived authentically and fiery is far better than a long and dull one, lived in servitude to a cult.
It is sad that her drinking led to her death, but Tabitha's life should be honored and respected for what it was, not for what it could have been.
Like most of us, she had her flaws and her beauty, and most important, she was and is free!
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DJQuimica
Maybe I should have said that this was over 13 years ago. Do I feel guilty for interfering; yes. To me its not that she didnt study with the JWs and make her own decision about it, its that I made it a point to trip her up. If a person makes a decision of their own accord, hey that fine, their adults they deal with it and learn to live with it. But I interfered with something she wanted to do. She could have realized that JWs were full of crap, and moved on to something else, but she never got that chance.
So I live with this. Just like I live with every other bad decision Ive made.
DJ_Q
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Lucky Calamity
Well, it's a GOOD decision to get it out and talk about it. I hope it helps you to accept and grow. 13 years sounds like a long time, but some things can seem like yesterday. I hope you feel okay with forgiving yourself and her someday.
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OnTheWayOut
I know what you are saying, but I would gladly interfere with someone's wanting to do something bad for themself.
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WuzLovesDubs
Its not your fault. At all...not now not ever. And my estranged husband is a now recovering alcoholic but has been a JW since 1986 and was raised in it...that never prevented him nor MANY other JWs I know...from getting wasted every chance they got.
Some people are an accident waiting to happen and I doubt becoming a JW would have prevented this tragedy. Again...not your fault.
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
DJQ,
Sounds like she was a spitfire. Undoubtedly the type that would do exactly what she wanted to do regardless of what anyone told her. If you told her to never drink and drive or never mess around with another man, well, she would do what she wanted, right?
So, if you tried to prevent her from becoming a Witness, she would have done what she really wanted. Consequently, if she really wanted to be a Witness... she would have become a Witness. But she didn't. You didn't beat her and hold a gun on her to stop her from joining, you just made it easier to come up with an excuse... so she could do what she really wanted. And if she really wanted to be a dub, she could have freely gone back after the divorce, right? But she didn't... because she didn't really want to.
The WT litteratrash recounts tons of examples, the opposite of your wife, of these meek and mild wives that are obedient and subservient to their husbands in everything... except that despite any and all manner of effort from the men, the wives persevere until they'll fully cultified as dubs . If some barely educated, humble, obedient, timid women in the Republic of Nowhere will cross crocodile infested water to get to her "bible study", I think Tabitha could have easily whipped on a skirt, hopped in her truck, and headed for the Dubdumb Hall... if she had really wanted to.
B the X
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DJQuimica
Damn Billy, your right about her being spitfire. And your right about her doing what she was gonna do regardless. Thing is, I didnt stop her from going to the KH or studying for any good reasons at the time. It was because I was selfish. I was happy clubbing and going out, I was happy with the way Tabitha was. I didnt want anything cramping our style. The last thing I needed was for her to slow us down with studying or going to the KH. I sure didnt keep her from going because I was afraid she was gonna fall for the kool aid and become a JW. My motives were not pure.
So I hear exactly what your saying, and you are right. But because my intentions were selfish and less than honorable, I still carry this.
DJ_Q