I was 19 coming on to 20 when I started the questions and got baptized. My sib (18 months my younger) also did it at the same time. She completely believed in all the stuff the WTS taught. I honestly didn't believe in a fair portions of it, like the end coming soon, and was learning alot about their flips-flops etc. I've always had a hard time believing alot of the odder stuff from both the JW side and the Catholic side. I guess the blessing of growing up in a religiously divided house is that both sides point out the flaws of the other. Just so happened that using an objective measure for both ended up with neither really offering up a sure thing.
But all the JWs seemed happy. Many of the teens at Catholic school weren't big on ritual and religion but they firmly believed in their version of God and the afterlife and they seemed happy. I didn't feel the same kind of zeal, joy, and healing that others apparently were experiencing. I was coming up with nothing. So feeling like the tinman without a heart, I wanted to see if having a go at baptizing myself would change things for me. I got baptized to earnestly give spirituality a shot. Maybe I was more like the scarecrow without a brain for thinking that the JWs would be the path to spirituality.
Mind you alot of the questions, I just gave rote answers to and I basically wanted to internally do this more on my terms. But no relationship developed. The internal nothingness was still there and while I wanted to believe in several things, I really wasn't persuaded to by anything. I'd like to think I was open-minded with my attempt. In some ways I sorely regret getting baptized because this org is just all about control and I opened myself up to that, however there was stuff I needed to test out.