Your thoughtful opinion is requested, please, on a possible proposal to free my wife from JWs (page 2)

undercover

Six years 'JW free', my wife is still in, although she's now nowhere neary as zealous as I was when in. For this I'm grateful.

There's the key to your situation, right there. Forget all that backstabbing BS. Bad idea.

You've been free for six years. Along the way, your wife has become less zealous. You're already ahead. You're "winning", if you will. As the time has gone by, I bet your relationship has grown stronger. She has relaxed the WT standards enough to where she is associating with other DFd/DAd members of the family. In time, she'll drop even more standards.

It's quite possible that she'll never come right out and say that she doesn't want to be a JW anymore. It may just be a slow drifting away. She may even have pangs of guilt from time to time, but your love and support for her will help her have less and less of those pangs as time goes by. She may never have that "ah-ha!" moment but over time she may let the love for her family override her loyalty to the organization.

Big Tex

I left in 1989 and my wife stayed in. Like your wife, she was nowhere near as zealous and faithful but she still went for 13 years. I found this board in January 2002 and started printing off threads I felt confident she would find interesting. However the straw that broke the camel's back was our son came down with viral arthritis and she missed all meetings for 2 months to take care of him. Upon her return, with him still in a wheelchair, she was completely ignored except for one elder who asked for her service time. She was so angry she never went back.

Now having said all that, my point is that Nina left, eventually, for her own reasons. She found something that meant a great deal to her.

If/when your wife leaves, she needs a reason, not a shove in the back or to be sabotaged. You could do something positive such as print out threads, leave them laying around for her to read. You could tell her stories you've read online and so forth. It sounds to me as if she does not believe this is The Truth, which is the first step. But getting over that second hurdle, the inertia of staying many times outweighs the desire to leave, requires a motivation.

Just curious, but have you talked to her about leaving?

Chris

JeffT

When I read the first sentence my thought was "she's on her way out." It doesn't sound like life is too bad, leave it alone, she's already well on her way.

startingovernow

I'd say trust in a relationship is of utmost importance. If you tell on your wife in the hopes it will get her in trouble and therefore "free," who is to say she would still want to be with you?

Mr. Majestic

Way too brutal. You are going to have to be a lot more cunning than that. It’s a gradual process and the key is to get her to leave on (what she thinks is) her own steam. Chances she will resent you for dropping her in it and it could work very much against you. If you pull that one you will get no second chances…..

orangefatcat

What a dreadful idea my dear friend. I am certain by your pleas to get your wife away from the witnesses that you deeply love her. Keep it that way please. Don't ruin something that is already a wonderful thing. Your wife has already left , she may not realize it but she has, she may know it and is in denial or whatever. She is holding on to her last vestiges of the witnesses why I have no idea, perhaps it is like a soother to her. Or she fears for her life in the end.

Perhaps she wants to safe face, no one knows why some people do the things they do. Just let well enough alone. Can you imagine what the elders will say to you first. They will disfellowship you the second you speak to them and second of all and really the most important of all, it is like your betraying your wife.

My ex husband use to go around to other witnesses in our congregation and even my friends that were not in our cong. and tell stories about me behind my back, and what kind of stories I had no idea. I often wondered why some at the KH often looked at me in a strange way and often ignored me and I hear whispers, and then one day I recieved a telephone call from a sister in the congregation and she said to me, Terry are you aware that your husband is saying all kinds of nasty things about you, like.......... and that I thought you should know because it is wrong and it is mean and cruel what he is doing to you.

Well I thanked this sister very much. You know how I felt? Like I was betrayed by a man who claimed he loved me, but showed otherwise by his actions. He had to be the center of attention.

I am not saying that is what you want but what I am saying , you wife may look at what you do as a form of betrayal, going behind her back it not wise. I ended up divorcing my husband because of reasons such as the one I just told you. There were many more reasons. But Betryal is the biggest reason.

Please dear friend if you never listen to me ever again, trust me on this, it will not be an act of loving kindness if you tell the elders on her. Talk to her first, as someone suggest over a nice evening when you have some nice quiet time together. Thats the time.

I hope and pray all goes well for you and your family and this is true, your wife's natural love that God endowed in every women for her children is greater then her love for the WTS. she knows where her loyality is, she is a true mom. I think it won't be long until she is beside you and your sons. She is more than half way there now.

Orangefatcat.

here is a bear hug for you and the best of wishes. Please know that you will also be in my prayers.

Terry

isaacaustin

lifelong, I do like your idea except for the fact that if it became known that the trouble came from you, and I am sure it would, she would then see you as the source of the problems, not the WT. It owuld be better if this info somehow came to the attention of a self-righteous JW and they turned her in (and your name in no way came out as connected to this). That way she would see the org as oppressive and perhaps run to you.

nelly136

whhoooaa, dangerous move, if your wife ended up dfd because of you to keep her sons she could end up hating you,

or worst case scenario she'd repent and go back and your sons would lose their mum and you could still lose your wife with the added bonus your kids just might hate you too for causing the problem in the first place.

boyzone

Hi Lifelong, you've been given some sound advice which I'm sure will help you.

But as a side point, I don't think writing a letter to the elders complaining that your wife is associating with 2 of your sons holds much credibility. The elders are bound to think your a total loon for wanting your wife councilled on this issue. They're gonna think "do you want her to shun them???"

And just suppose it backfires on you and your wife accepts the council? Your family is split apart and you've lost all the ground and all the good you've gained so far. No, there's a better way. Be patient and keep her involved with the lives of your sons and grandchildren as much as possible. The lsee time devoted to congregation activities, the better.

littlebird

Don't Do It!

You'll be acting just like the JW's that you want her want out of, sneaking around and tattling. You would be better off to keep inviting your sons over and maybe some friends, this will show her that "wordly people" arent the big, bad wolf she's heard they are. If you are worried about her spiritually, remember she is "sanctified" by the believing spouse. My Jw spouse keeps trying to get me back in, this is causing a huge divide, so I suppose, the reverse, will only cause you more distance and she will see you as a tool of Satan trying to pull her out of the truth. Be Careful!

Your thoughtful opinion is requested, please, on a possible proposal to free my wife from JWs

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