How could you live with yourself knowing that you ruined her that way? Even setting it up to look like someone else did it should disturb your sleep for the rest of your life. You would have an ugly secret and that could harm your marriage. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Your life seems fine. Don't sh!t where you live and sleep.
Your thoughtful opinion is requested, please, on a possible proposal to free my wife from JWs
by lifelong humanist 31 Replies latest jw friends
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Quirky1
Don't fix it if it ain't broke..
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fokyc
DO NOT! w rite any letters to your wife's congregation; you will become involved yourself in something far worse than you have already.
fokyc
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OnTheWayOut
And if you are thinking you would never ever be caught, so it's a good thing to do,
that's like saying a person knows he couldn't get caught cheating on his wife, so if Megan Fox was willing, he'd do it.
It doesn't have to be a matter of being caught. It's something that can tear you up inside seeing how she reacts.
The guy who does Megan Fox winds up bragging to his wife or begging her forgiveness for the guilty conscience even when he doesn't get caught.You may wind up seeing your wife go through some terrible agony with the elders, a judicial committee, shunning her boys, wondering who turned her in. You may wind up telling her why you did it, even though she couldn't trace it back to you.
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BabaYaga
Her MIND must be free!!! THAT is the most important thing. If they disfellowship her without her realizing it is not the (T)ruth, you will be responsible for unspeakable pain for her, and she would never forgive you.
Let me tell you... the saddest ones of all are those who are not "walking the walk", but still believing absolutely that the Watchtower Corporation has the TRUTH.
No, no, no.
Love and patience, my good man.
And yes, OnTheWayOut is spot on, you really must read the two Steve Hassan books, COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS.
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jamiebowers
Aside from betraying your wife and possibly causing damage to her and your sons, you would be giving too much power to the elders by complaining to them about your wife. Don't do it...and count your blessings that she hasn't let this cult tear your family apart.
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AllTimeJeff
Wow, thats quite an idea!
I think so far that everyone has it right. It is hard to understand I guess why someone would stay in, but it sounds like if she is willing to be disobedient in associating with DA/DF, then she is moving at her own pace.
Be careful not to mimic the manipulative techniques of the borg, even if it is what you know best..... She will hate you for it... I promise.
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oompa
ya...she must be out mentally.....or she would just go back and be hardcore... and prob never listen to you again and shun the hell out of everyone she is "told to"......
however i have had a similar thought about my jw wife and the few rules she breaks, esp the not shunning my son, she likes r-rated movies...but i will not mention them because then should would probably change her tune......
also had the same thought about some of my dub friends.......i did a thread about it some time ago that says "they are just like us"....in that there are sooo many things they do not believe either, they just dont talk about it....and i like to point out these when i can...i enjoyed telling one she better keep her thoughts to herself or she could be DFd as an apostate if she kept stating her true opinion......they are not allowed.......oompa
funny how so many believe things they THINK are taught or not taught and often they are way off base....they do not even know they are apostates!!
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lifelong humanist
My sincere thanks to all posters - with few exceptions, the response has been pretty damning! I can clearly see that my thinking has needed a bit of readjusting!
Steve Hassan's highly recommended second book, 'Releasing the Bonds' (via Amazon.UK) arrived. His earlier work should appear today. Skimming through it, it looks like there are a lot of helpful suggestions that Ill be able to utilise to help her - I know that my wife has already glanced through it herself.
It has been interesting, and heartening, to pick up on several of your suggestions that my wife is 'almost already out by her own attitude towards rules that she clearly disobeys, or choses to ignore. I really hadn't fully appreciated the significance of this fact.
Let me clarify a few points, though, to some posters of what I thought I'd clearly conveyed in posting the original request for comments. Perhaps my wording wasn't too clear - if so, I wholeheartedly apologize:
- It would never ever be my intention to write to the local elders behind my wife's back - I'd show her a draft of any letter first. This would be bound to spark an interesting, 'what if I was to actually go ahead and submit something like this' moment?
- I'd never dream of resorting to write incognito - that's nasty! As I chose the difficult option to DA and not fade, you can probably guess that I'm not the type of person that is afraid to speak out in an open, frank manner!
It might surprise a few of you to know, that in the case of my DA letter, I asked my wife to read the draft over and provide any constructive comments - which she willingly did, making a few good suggestions - prior to submitting it.
Just for the record, it had ocurred to me that any JC action taken against my wife to try and compel her to never speak with the boys again might be a dangerous, alienating move, however, I just know that that would be a futile exercise on their part - she'd never go along with that! So, this factor was never going to be an issue. On the other hand, as far as JWs pressure tactics are concerned, maybe this just could blow up and cause serious difficulties that I've never factored in to my suggestion. However, this is purely academic, as on balance, I propose not write any letter.
I'll 'simmer down', rely on common sense, and start implementing the advice Steve Hasan has to offer - I haven't heard any negative comments about his ideas on this, or any other, websites designed to help former JWs free their loved ones from the tyranny of the WTS!
Thank you all!
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dozy
Agree with all the above posters.
I think that it is generally accepted anyway that wives "married to unbelievers" are given a tremendous amount of slack compared to other JWs. A sister in our cong always used to go to Xmas parties quite openly , associate regularly with her DF children , even having them to stay in her house & do many other things that she could have been DF for - it was well known in the congregation and occasionally some would mention it. But the elders policy was to ignore it - it was too much hassle to get involved & they argued that "she has enough to deal with as it is."