Why do I still feel guilty?

JWinprotest

Yesterday as our family entered the parking lot of our KH, we realized it was not our congregation entering. Soon afterward we remembered that this week was our CO visit and we had missed the Tuesday night meeting. I think it's the first time in over 20 years that I missed a meeting with the CO. Tonight is our bookstudy/CO talk, I wonder if anyone will ask where we were (not likely, everyone is so over us).

It's weird though because a large part of me could care less, and we were laughing about it all the way home. But deep down I still get this knot in my stomach when I miss events that are deemed crucial to JWs, like the CO visit, DC etc. I get the same knot when we miss 2 or 3 regular meetings in a row, by the forth one I get this urgency that we have to go. I have already convinced myself that this is not the truth and I could care less what anyone in the congregation thinks, so why the guilt?

leavingwt

Perfectly normal.

Do not underestimate the Mind Control.

Not sure how long you were IN, but it's not something that most people shake off instantly, even after they intellectualize their rejection of it as lies.

Lady Lee

It takes time to get past the way the WTS induced fear and guilt in people. All those messages that "you can't possible miss. . . " stay with us even when we know it isn't the "truth".

Knowing (cognitions) and feeling (emotions) at stored in 2 separate parts of the brain so knowing doesn't automatically over-ride the feeling. The WTS plays on people's feelings just as much as they played with out minds.

Give yourself time and frequent reminders that you are NOT doing anything wrong or bad or anything you need to feel guilty for.

straightshooter

Since going to meetings is brought up continually in the WTS publications and from the platform, it is only natural that one feels that missing the meeting is wrong. And there are ones in the congregation that notice if you are missing and will ask how you are and that you were missed. Though you know that the WTS is not the truth, it is difficult to miss those that you have known for years and are close to you at the congregation.

SuspiciousMinds

Perfectly normal. We went through the same feelings for several months, but 2 weeks ago we missed the entire CO visit for the first time and we barely even noticed. Now a Tuesday night passes and we don't even think about the meeting. Same with sleeping in Saturday and Sunday!

However, missing the Memorial and DC next year may be different because they're both such important events in JW land.

BluesBrother

why the guilt?

If, as I gather, you have been 'in' for most of your life then it is going to take more than a while to change the thought patterns and feelings of guilt and even irrational fear sometimes.

The conditioning is such that the mental patterns go deep. ....but they will ease in time, believe me. Just keep posting on here and it gets easier

JWinprotest

You are right BluesBrother, a few sessions on the board usually does the trick.......for the night anyway.

I think a part of me also doesn't want to miss too much warranting a shepparding call from the elders. I'm trying to avoid that confrontation like the plague. But I guess it will eventually happen no matter what. Actually to tell you the truth it's kind of disheartening that it hasn't happened already, it's been 2 years of downward spiral and it seems as though we've been written off. I am messed up!!!!

I'm just thankful my wife and I share similar feelings....I know there are many here divided in the home. I can't imagine how tough that must be.

reniaa

Yes it does get easier, to easy! praying and bible reading become a thing of the past. One of my main motivations for returning was the loss of Jehovah in my life.

I have always believed in God and when you get right down to what you believe in regards to God, the bible, christianity. Strip it to bare essentials of belief, I discovered I was a One God believer in Jehovah and loved his actual son as my king.

Reniaa

ninja

"Strip it to bare essentials of belief"........says reniaa

yep...you stripped to the bare essentials a few times ....what with the 3 imaginary kids and that

WTWizard

Half of it is worrying about the hounding you are certain to get for missing a big boasting session. If the hounder-hounder shows up and you are not there, he is going to hound the hounders to hound you for not being there. Then the phone calls and "We missed you at the boasting sessions" start up--and the next time you do go, they are going to hound you even more about going to all of the boasting sessions.

The other half is that you have been programmed to view missing a boasting session as a sin. The earlier this started in your life, the deeper it is entrenched--born-ins often feel the worst, even if they see the blatant lies of the religion, when they miss a boasting session. Those who were recruited missed out on that root-level programming, but they too have to worry about being hounded if they miss too many boasting sessions.

Why do I still feel guilty?

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