I was born in but left before getting baptised. I thank my luck stars I didn't as I had is much easier than many friends who were Df. Never ever believed a word of it but went along to keep parents happy. They are still trying to get me back .Arte
easier to leave...born ins or joined later???...i know the answer........
by oompa 33 Replies latest jw friends
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Black Sheep
In my daughter's case, she has chosen to ignor warning signs that she is in a cult, (that have been highlighted by me). Despite these warning signs, she has chosen to take the WT message to countries that REALLY don't need it.
To admit she has been negligent by taking the WT message into these areas would be ................ well, you make something up.........I'm just glad I didn't do it.
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purplesofa
Maybe if I tell the difficulties I am having had made the decision to become a JW as an adult.
I made a stand with my family many years ago to become a JW. One of the biggies is not celebrating holidays. I was raised Catholic and was raised deeply rooted with family traditions. Holidays were big, a time for families to get together, celebrate, reconnect esp ones that were long distance. Stopping that severly disrupts that tradition. Stopping that with children is very confusing to them. I was kicked out of my home for refusing to celebrate Christmas. Now, having given up being HUNG UP on celebrating holidays, I am participating, 20 years of not doing that, people are still confused.
Not being born in, I already tried to study with family members. I already distanced myself from them as they became "bad association" I have already trained them on how to treat me. I will always be the DIL, aunt, sister, Mom that was in some damn kooky religion.
She was one of those JW's.
They already have me at this higher standard that I set for myself and that they expect from me. So when they see me ease off, while they are happy, it still looks hypocritical on my part.
I see people younger than me and my age that have life long friends. It's very difficult to start from scratch, all over again to rebuild that. In making new friends, I am just a little odd to others that I am like an island. I live in the "good ole boys" part of the Midwest. Who you know, your network of friends, is based alot on how you survive.
I severed any ties I had with former friends long ago. Even finding them after 25 years is not easy.
My being a witness had an impact on my Mother, so that it was part of her decision to become a Witness. My failure to still be a witness has certainly taken it's toll on our already strained relationship.
I still had to go through the process of filtering through all the information, the emotions, the process of leaving. Even ex-JW's think someone that CHOOSES to join the religion is fucked up in some way. I have suffered through threads reading how those that come in as an adult are mentally ill, emotionally unstable, etc etc.
I don't want to discount how difficult it is to be shunned totally by family members and rebuilding your life for those that are born in.
But I think for anyone that was truely a believer, whether born in or converted as an adult we all have our own degree of ease or discomfort in making the decision to leave.
Either way, we have to painstakingly rebuild our lives. Live with the fact that we were associated with some freaked out cult that lives weird lives isolated from the very people were are trying to integrate with. We all have left something behind and have to move forward, either running away or running to something lest we be totally swallowed up by our pasts.
purps
Also, I, like many others had some friends in the "Truth" who I love very much and I miss very much. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about times we had together, years of association sharing good times and bad times that I don't miss them. I wonder if they will see the light and leave too, so that maybe in my old age a very huge part of my life will possibly be with me and a comfort to me.
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sammielee24
Purps - I understand full well what you are saying and I agree that one cannot discount the damage that is done to everyone regardless of when they join.
I do feel that born in's or people brought in as little kids however, have less chance of social, mental and emotional progression than an adult does. Their parameters of curiousity, education, knowledge, imagination and association are usually so restricted that their whole world is warped before they can even reach a level of awareness they need to cope individually. As a Catholic kid, those traditions you speak of, would have ensured you had some social interaction and Catholics aren't pulled away from everyone else into isolation so you have a better idea of who you are. My mother's family was/is all Catholic - my fathers not - so I know about the traditions and big social gatherings. I loved them and still do. Religion has nothing to do with the majority of those gatherings but do create a lot of wonderful memories and that's something the JW's lose when they cut off all relationships with their family. In becoming a JW, that person also starts cutting off their own family members as bad association and in effect they shun their own family for absolutely NO reason except the WTS told them to. That's what makes it so sick.
I understand the shattering of faith and that in and of itself has no limit on time. When a person has had their faith ripped apart and realizes they were scammed and lied to, for a lot of people it ends any relationship they want with any religion. I find that in more JW's than with a lot of other 'religions'.
sammieswife.
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gubberningbody
Oompa, I think it's not the being born in or not that's at issue. It's the penalties associated.
If there were no df'ing, shunning or the like, this whole issue would be gone.
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WTWizard
I remember what holidays were like before becoming a witless, and what they were like as a witless. Before, it was fun--even though I would stay away from the religious aspect, it was a change to hear Christmas music and put up Christmas lights. And Easter was fun. After, it was stressful--dreading Thanksgiving because Christmas music was to start the next day. And I never saw Christmas as worshiping the sun and the Devil until I became a witless--nor did I see anyone get their heads cut off at the birthday parties I went to.
Also, they had to make specific promises to me in order to scam me into joining. I realized that it was not worth living forever if all I was ever going to get was just plain men--and, once they promised to do something about it upon my joining, they broke that promise. Instead, they exploited the situation (which I blame Jehovah for in the first place for creating it, and the witlesses for promising to fix it and then breaking that promise and for exploiting it). Therefore, they already broke one promise with me--giving me all the grounds to dog the whole ministry like they dogged getting me in with the opposite sex.
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bluecanary
Purps, I understand what you mean. Your story is very similar to my mother's. She came in at age 25 and left at 45. There was (and is) nothing more important in her life than family. She came from a large Catholic family and she loved celebrating the holidays with them. For 20 years she gave that up because she thought it would please God. She had limited assoication with her family and, though everyone still loves each other, that relationship will be forever altered.
Now that she has seen the WTS as a fraud, she finds it impossible to believe in God or the Bible. So now she can celebrate Christmas with her family, but it is hollow. The meaning in it has been stripped for her and she will probably never get that back again.
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mimimimi
I was born in, but back in my teens I really wanted something different. I becamse a regular pioneer because I wanted to do something to help people, but that was not what I really wanted to do. My family was looked down upon in the congregation because we were poor and no matter what I did, I never felt good enough. I finally got mad and rebelled and ended up disfellowshipped for eight years. I wanted nothing to do with it during that time. Then when I was pregnant with my second child, I worked in an office where they had news radio on all day and I heard about bad things going on in the world. Then I read in Newsweek about pollution and I remember being particularly impressed that even aquifers were becoming polluted. I started to read the Bible and pray and ended up going back to the JW's.
I then spent a little over 20 years back in the cult, but was never happy with it. I used to think, I wish this was not the truth. Such a relief to find out it was not. On one level, leaving it was relatively easy since I had an unbelieving husband and children. On another level, I had to go through the fear of being caught, fear of elders showing up at my door, fear of running into JW's. That finally passed and though I am friendly when I run into a JW, I am no longer afraid of what will be said. I have not wanted to get disfellowshipped because I have family still in and they still associate with me. But should that happen, I can live with it.
I am now being shunned by many of the JW's I see when I am out and that is fine with me. Others will still talk and hug me, but the encouragement is there to come back, which I just gloss over. I think it was easier for me than some to leave just because of my family situation.
I also think converts sometimes take a more hard-core approach to the religion because they knew something different before and had to convince themselves that what they knew before was wrong and this was right, so it is harder to leave it for them. Not always, though. Probably this is a more individual thing depending on your circumstances.
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oompa
AND THE WINNER IS..........black sheep!....imo....:
Post 3012 of 3022
Since 8/8/2003Converted victims of the cult have to admit that they made a serious error of judgement.
Born in victims are victims of their parent's foolishness.
i have found this to be the case.......i think it is MUCH harder to believe that YOU CHOSE to attach to this....you must admit something whereas us born ins pretty much had no choice.....we were enviromented in........but actually it may be that neither is easier to leave in that esp for us generations of dubs in......the loss is just soooo great......but there is a major conflict in admitting that some actually made such great changes in their life and bought in to this spiritual turd.......and then must make another major change and admit it and leave......
i have a good friend who has been out for three years.........YET STILL BELIEVES IT!!!.....he came in at about 20 and i think a big part of him just hates to admit he screwed up this badly......anywho.....it is damm hard for both types.......oompa
oh and ditto for me too palmtree!.....that is another reason us born ins may get out easier in another respect.....despite the horrible losses.....i have a freedom of mind and spirit NEVER felt before in my life unlike those who JOIN......very strange conflict it brings........ahhhh....FREEDOM!!!!........that is why palm
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beksbks
I think Baba is the winner? hehe is there a winner here?
One's mind, one's perception of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, the incessant fear... the feelings of unworthiness yet simultaneous self-righteousness... the refusal to apologize, the need for a last word...
the FEAR of your own MIND!
the FEAR of the UNKNOWN!
the FEAR of every stranger on the street!
the FEAR of persecution!
the FEAR of Armegeddon!
the FEAR of the DEMONS, demons EVERYWHERE!!!
Like I've said over and over again. You go find a tree that was tied in it's youth. As it grew, that tie grew in to the tree. The tree lives, thrives even, but that tie is so deep in there, it will never come out.