by minimus 15 Replies latest jw friends
Were you considered very spiritually mature? Were you a "problem" Witness? Were you considered a good example?
I was raised in the "Truth". I was taught to be a good example and rose thru the ranks quickly. When I simply left, it was a shock for most.
I was a model sheep. Too young to know better.I was in for just a few years, DF'd and never looked back. I haev two sisters in deep, over twenty years each and seemingly rooted and unshakable.
I really tried to be a good Witness, but success was sporadic because I didn't really like it. I wanted the end result but envied non-JW's for their carefree way of living. They got to do all the fun stuff, but I was stuck obeying rule after rule after rule that kept the joy of life at bay. I really looked for how to pull joy out of the meetings and readings of the WT. I failed at it because it wasn't there. Being told how to think doesn't create joy in a person, neither does having all the joy sucked out of one's life by rules. I got depressed often but it went away after leaving.
Very examplary as an elder and with family.
Shocked everyone when after 3 decades i became an "apostate" .....well just faded away.
Model? Well studied and researched, regular to the meetings and a participant, substituted almost every week on talks, used in demos often. But I always kept the elders on edge without their realizing it. I remember a picture in one book study book showing a woman picking apples on a ladder. I commented that meant that sisters would not wear slacks in the new system and that it was dangerous to wear a dress on a ladder, how modest could that be? Every sister at that book study woke up and looked at that picture wondering if that was her future. I had my one version of "the truth" which is probably why I stayed too long at the circus.
I wasn't a "model" dub but was liked and trusted. I had been told that I had a rebellious and stubborn streak by those that knew me well...which wasn't too many. For some reason (for which I'm glad now) I never let too many people get close to me. I think it was a self-defense mechanism that arose from living in a society that fed off of cannibalizing each other.
I faded away gradually enough that I just became forgotten by most...there was no real shock or surprise. The few that I still have contact with have, for the most part, not confronted me with why I'm gone. At first I thought they were trying to be kind by not reminding me that I was inactive or "weak" but I think they've avoided it because they were afraid to hear something that would upset their JW sensibilities or worse, make them think about something they don't want to think about...the possibility that they're wrong.
I was originally in "Christiandom". I liked what I read in the WTS publications. I became a regular pioneer and ministerial servant and then elder. If I never became an elder I probably would still be a loving member of the congregation. I loved many of the brothers and sisters and even their quirky ways.
But once I became an elder then I saw a distinct difference between what the WTS publications said and what was actually being practiced. Even the WTS publications were not consistent in their writings. The WTS encouraged theocratic warfare of lying to protect the organization. As an elder and participating in locating congregation wrongs and resolving them were like witch-hunts. The quirks of the brothers and sisters often times fell on my back as my problem that I really did not want.
Like beasts after the taste of blood, the elders often times attacked each other. They would create groups, like pack animals, for power struggles. Forget about any humility or love, it was all about greed to control.
When my daughter got disfellowshipped and was living at home, the body of elders removed me and threatened to df me for my housing of my daughter. I stopped going to the meetings except for the Memorial and some funerals. I still keep in contact with some of the older jw I used to know. My wife occasionally goes to a meeting here or there. All five of my children have nothing to do with the jws. Two of them were raised in the "truth", in which one was disfellowshipped. The other children never was taught in the family anything about the jws.
I was totally what they wanted when I came out of the world to become a JW. I made MS right away and then elder when I was "in" for only about 6 years. I wasn't an extremely high average publisher, but it was regular and sincere. I really thought I was guided by the angels and doing the warning work, possibly for the last time. I pretty much always underlined in my WT mag./bookstudy book and did the weekly Bible reading. I went to gatherings and offered assistance to the elderly.
After becoming an elder, they changed their "this generation" teaching in 1995. I changed too. I learned that I might retire in this system of things and that I needed to watch my back in this organization. I started giving advice that was, in my opinion, good for members and not just the company line to do more, more, more. I told people to do a bit less, be kinder to themselves, not tell the elders everything they did and not always get their advice when they could simply decide matters. I told them to plan ahead, as if they would live to old age in "this system." I started examining what other religions and what scholars of science and the Bible said about matters. I studied for real.
I still helped the elderly and showed up to clean the hall. My field circus became token, not really wanting to convert anyone.
I love your comments!
Straightshooter, they not only wanted you to kick out your kid, they were going to df you too??? Wow!
I was a loose cannon after a few years..
