Wow, this situation is hitting close to home with me at the moment. Like your wife, I'm not and never have been a witness. Due to a family illness my husband recently had occasion to visit with the parents who have been shunning him for about ten years or so. They didn't tell him when his grandparent or his aunt died- didn't come to our wedding. You know, they've been busy with other things I guess and couldn't bother moving past their religious rules long enough to be decent to their son. I know, I know- I've never met them so I suppose I shouldn't judge them but obviously I'm not really keen on their behavior no matter what lousy pseudo-religious excuse they'd offer.
Anyway, this illness came about and my husband went to see them. He asked if I wanted to go, which I did not. First off, I think that the family member in question was in a vulnerable state so I didn't see the point in forcing a looooooong overdue introduction in such a weird situation. But also, in all honesty, I'm not sure I can really, truly move past my feeling of anger at what these two people have done to my beloved with their foolish, foolish choices. I'm not consumed with anger by any means, but when I really think about how awful he's been made to feel, I find it just plain unacceptable. And, even though I'm a usually a softy who ends up being pretty nice, I can't be entirely sure I won't lose my patience and say something.
So, I could have gone- and maybe I should have gone- but I have really mixed feelings about the whole thing. The hubster said his dad is prone to lecturing too and that probably would have been disatrous as I am not likely to sit around indefinitely while someone spews culty junk at me. And it probably eased hubby's mind that his headship wouldn't be called into question as he tried to muffle his free-thinking wife's words. So, in that situation it probably worked out for the best.
However, it looks as though he will be reuniting with them again soon, though and I really don't know how to proceed from here. I know it's wrong but I don't want to meet them. I don't want to bite my tongue while someone I don't know rambles on and on about a fantasy paradise earth that I'll never know courtesy of a high-control group I'll never be a part of. I don't want to pretend that it's okay that they've ignored him for ten years. The thought of it just puts my stomach in knots. I guess I'll do whatever is necessary for my beloved, but I really deeply,deeply dread meeting his parents.
I suppose I could learn a lesson from rachel. She sounds like a very patient person. I wonder what she was thinking as you dropped her off in front of their house. That's a good question for her!