All About Palmtree - Part 2
I guess I'll just put the second part here. This is good therapy for me.
Well, I told about what married life was like. But I also had two other things going on, pretty much through the whole 23 years.
1. My stupid family, who puts the "fun" in dysfunctional. The day I got married was the last time I saw or spoke to my parents for almost 2 years. About 2 days after the wedding, the rest of the family were together and my grandmother made a random remark to another relative, who reported it to my mother. She immediately cut me and my grandparents off. My younger brothers and sisters were not allowed to talk to me or their grandparents.
At one point or another, SOMEONE in our family is not talking to SOMEONE else. And the not talking will go on for years. I had made up my mind a long time ago that this "cutting people off" was both juevenile and un-Christian. And I promised them all that no matter what, I would never cut any of them off. One of my brothers and one of my sisters also agreed that none of us would do this to the others. However, about 10 years ago, my brother ( who's a "royal" elder ) cut my parents off. And about 8 years ago, he cut me off. So much for the pact to stick together.......And so much for having a relationship with my nephew. That hurt bad.
But at least I still had my one sister!! And she had a son, who I loved as I loved my own kids. He is handicapped, mentally. He would beg to sleep over at my house, and I always let him, any time he wanted. Took him to movies and plays, spent lots of time with him. My sister and I called or visited every day. Those years were probably the happiest for me. Then, her step-son stole my husband's wallet. So......she cut me off. I cried EVERY DAY for 6 months, I missed my little nephew sooo much!! when I saw him at the Hall, i tried to say Hi and he screamed at me, "I am never talking to you again, I am never forgiving you!!" He was 7 years old. She had another baby shortly after she cut me off, who I have never seen.
2. the second thing that was going on, started about 10 years into the marriage. A sister in the congregation, who had been df'ed, decided that I wasn't trying hard enough to be her friend. I wasn't friends with her BEFORE she was df'ed, so I felt no need to suddenly make friends with her. Even the elders agreed that I hadn't treated her any differently after her df'ing than before. Anyways, long story short, her and her family started harrassing me, stalking me. They would drive by our house, giving me "the finger". We had about $500 worth of vandalism done to our property and vehicles EVERY MONTH for years. could never prove it was them. Eventually, she recruited all her family, and many sisters who became her friend to all start a letter-writing campaign against me. For years, I had letters handed to me, mailed to me or placed in my meeting bag. They told me that everyone hated me, that i wasn't welcome in the congregation, they hoped I died a slow painful death. It was soooo hard to sit through a meeting and wonder, "Who wrote the last letter? Was it one of them, or maybe that sister who never talks to me?" Some meeting nights, I just couldn't do it.
We moved to different congregations and she would get friends in the new congregation to write me letters too. I was always terrified my kids would see one of the letters or find out what was going on. I tried to make things "happy" for them. Eventually, though, things got so bad, that I went to the police. they investigated and had enough evidence to lay charges against one of the sisters ( an elder's wife ) but not the ringleader. But first, the elders wanted to meet with us. They viewed it all as a "personality clash". they forced her to apologize to me, but I knew she didn't mean it. I had to ask the cops to drop the charges. If I hadn't, then the elders would've viewed me as not accepting her apology......
Anyhow, those are the other 2 things. If I had had a supportive family, maybe I could've stuck it out with the crappy marriage. If ihad had a good marriage, maybe I could've stuck it out with the crappy congregation. If I had had a supportive congregation, maybe I could've stuck it out with the crappy family.
I guess I got to a point where I just didn't care anymore. And there was this guy that had been after me for years, and I finally just said, "What the Hell???" It only happened once and I realized right away that THAT is not who I am, not what I'm about. But I had to get out of the marriage, out of that city.
And that's what I did.
Next time I'll tell what happened after I left. As you can imagine, that was a S***T- show.