What does it mean to be truly repentant?

by keyser soze 11 Replies latest jw experiences

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  keyser soze

  I ask this because my brother and sister-in-law have recently separated due to her infidelity. In meeting with the elders they were satisfied that she was repentant, and she avoided being df'd.

  Admittedly, I wasn't present during this meeting. Knowing her the way I do, I have no doubt there were tears involved. I'm sure it was an oscar-worthy performance. However, her behavior in no way suggests repentance.

  For starters, she had been reproved a year earlier for having an inappropriate relationship with a male co-worker. Also, she has made no effort since the latest episode to salvage the marriage. My brother, on the other hand, has made the effort, due to the fact that there are three young children involved. What did he get for his effort? She served him with divorce papers. And yet, according to the elders, she is truly repentant for her adultery.

  I guess the question is mostly directed at former elders, those who served on judicial committees. What did you look for to judge if a person was truly repentant. The whole process seems so arbitrary to me. It seems to vary from case to case, and person to person.
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  cantleave

  It is difficult, if not impossible to detrmine if someone is truly repentant. A first time offender is likely to be treated more compassionately than someone with a track record.
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  Chalam

  In meeting with the elders they were satisfied that she was repentant, and she avoided being df'd.

  Admittedly, I wasn't present during this meeting. Knowing her the way I do, I have no doubt there were tears involved. I'm sure it was an oscar-worthy performance. However, her behavior in no way suggests repentance.

  A familiar story, my JW friend's ex wife is in the same boat. Empty words that do not line up with the actions. Apparently the third party is still on the scene and was "studying" to become a JW.

  Matthew 23:28 (New International Version)

  28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

  All the best,

  Stephen
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  leavingwt

  Keyser,

  You already know the answer. I suspect you're just venting, right?

  These kangaroo courts have absolutely nothing to do with truth, justice or REALITY.

  People are merely line items on a form to be mailed to Brooklyn. Cases are handled in a manner that will raise as few questions as possible during the next visit by Circuit Overseer (District Manager).

  -LWT

  PS: Admittedly, there are many genuinely wonderful elders who do TRY to make a positive difference in peoples' lives. However, the entire system is rigged to prevent them from really doing this. The employees at a House of Cards are still working for a House of Cards, no matter how great their performance.
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  lepermessiah

  Ahhhhh....another of the million dollar questions.

  I think this issue deserves so much attention in the JW world.

  That always troubled me when i served - how could i really tell? I always erred on the side of mercy simply because I believed that a person deserved a chance to prove their "repentance", and the Jesus that I read about in the bible is full of mercy, but in this case it sounds like that was extended many times over.

  I can think of so many people who I felt were truly repentant for their actions, but they got DF'ed. If you wrote Big Brother on the issue, they always responded with a canned letter of "you need to trust the judgment of the elders" and "obviously, their works didnt befit repentance" as if you can tell that. Some people have been through so much hell in their life that for them to sit in front of the star chamber and pour their hearts out , its practically unbearable.

  I think it comes down to the old adage of the business world "its who you know or who you blow" - in other words, if the elders like you and you turn on the water works enough, you can get off. If you dont show much emotion or the elders have an axe to grind with you or a family member, you are basically screwed. Its sad..............and Big Brother will never acknowledge that is what really happens in 95% of the cases.
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  PSacramento

  A litmus test of repetance:

  Be sorry for what you have done, spend the rest of your life fixing the mess you made untill it is fixed, never, ever do it again and seek help if the urge comes along.

  If a person doesn't do these things, they aren't really sorry, much less repentant.

  NO ONE can judge another's repentance other than the person wronged ( and God and Jesus if you believe in them).
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  jamiebowers

  I was never an elder, because I don't have a penis. But in my experience, a jw can pretty much do whatever he or she feels like doing and get away with it as long as they show submission to the organization. Your sil knows how to manipulate the system. She apparently is in love with another man or doesn't want to be married to your brother anymore, so she committed adultery to get a "scriptural" divorce and still remain a jw.
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  VoidEater

  I have yet to see a "just" JC.

  I have seen people I thought repentant (truly sorry for their error and commitment to not repeat it) get DFed.

  I've seen people I thought non-repentant (no remorse for their error but say they won't do it again) get no action.

  I've seen rather bizarre cases, such as an engaged couple be publicly reproved because they called off the wedding.

  As I'm sure you already realize, it is often a political process, and the outcome can be much more based on social position or other politics within the congregation than anything else.
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  leavingwt

  Here's a man who understands how these meetings really work.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtwXlIwozog
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  angel eyes

  keyser,surely if she committed adultary then she has no grounds to divorce him? If shes repentant then she should be working to repair what shes done.

  If she divorces him then she cant remarry unless he does,silly woman,but great for your brother because he can choose not to marry for a while and if she meets anyone she cant do a thing until he free's her from that position Justice is always payed back...trust me.

  She thinks she's fooled the elders,but Jah sees it all and for her silly little plan to not be DF,shes not free to remarry if she divorces him.