May you have peace!
One of the greatest "truths" I've learned since [being asked to leave] the WTBTS is that most people do not know how to live... as a FREE people. That is why religion... and particularly the WTBTS... has lasted as long as it has. They possess many things that our FLESH needs: rules (laws)... and something to "see." Regarding the first, the flesh is, for the most part, "lawLESS." And laws... are for the lawless. So, most of us need to exist in a system that has limits and boundaries set for us... because we don't know how to set them for ourselves. Truly free people, however (and I am referring to those set free by Christ)... LEARN to live as such... as a "free" people.
As for needing something to see, as one JW "sister" said to me when I shared with her what was occurring with me (you can read my other threads for info on that), "People can't worship what they can't SEE!" Thus, the golden calf at Sinai. Thus, the temple at Jerusalem. Thus, religion. Thus, the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.
However, FAITH, dear one, is not something we do with the flesh... but with SPIRIT. Afterward, the SPIRIT moves the flesh to action. Problem is... the flesh does NOT like to be deprived. It does not like to be deprived of food, of air, of water, of sleep... of company. It does not LIKE to be "alone." (Yes, there are exceptions to that rule; however, while many don't have a problem being alone, that "alone" is "sometimes." And even for those who like to be alone a lot... sooner or later they "need" to be with at least one other person for at least a couple/few minutes). That is one of the reasons why my Lord went ALONE to the wilderness to be tested by the Adversary. Had he been among his disciples... and thus, with a visible support system... Satan would have claimed that he hadn't really been tested, that he had had "help."
You have lost your "visible" support system, the WTBTS... and, perhaps as a reselt, your family... and so are now your flesh is feeling "lonely" which is afecting your SPIRIT. But it is exactly at times like this, dear one, that our Adversary will work on you... attempt to draw out what is "in" YOU... your desire to be a part of something... and, understandably, something "visible"... as well as any crumbs of DOUBT... and attempt to exploit those. It is that very desire that causes MOST to avoid leaving the WTBTS... indeed, religion: they don't understand that the relationship with Christ (or God) is VERY personal... between you, him, and no one else... and so they cling to their various "support" systems. Whether it be family... a congregation... or the Organization/a religon itself.
I would admonish you to take care with this particular "desire of the flesh"... the one that craves a "visible" support system. Because THE universal challenge is NOT JAH's "sovereignty" (He IS the Sovereign; even Satan knows that and doesn't dispute it). It is... "skin in behalf of skin... and ALL that a man has... he WILL give... in behalf of his flesh." Indeed, our Adversary SAID... of you... AND me... that we will give EVERYTHING... even our eternal spirits... to "save" our souls, our flesh. Don't let your flesh dissuade your spirit. You know they are not who/what they claim to be.
I bid you peace.
YOUR servant and a slave of Christ,
SA