For any brother who is a Jehovah's Witness, the goal is put before them to reach out for the privilege of being an elder. I can only speak for myself, but being born into the religion, I wanted to be an elder since I was 5. I would have much rather wanted to be a doctor or engineer, but those are the breaks....
I'll skip the part about what it takes to reach out, all the crap you have to put up with as a Ministerial Servant to get appointed, and go straight to the reality.
I know many elders who sincerely just wanted to be shepherds. That wasn't me. I was 26, and got to be an elder after the DO purged out some old idiot elders, and signed off on me. I did want the spotlight. I didn't know any better of course, and as I look back, I am always mindful of the saying "Be careful what you wish for....."
I know what you are thinking; 26 years old? Yeah, I see that now, but at the time, I was pretty stinking ambitious. This was a lifelong goal, and now, after years of polishing my style, speaking, manner, skill in paperwork, FS, working all the time on 4 hours a night of sleep, I got my goal.
So I walk in. My congregation that I was appointed in was a mess for a while. An MTS grad was an elder about a year or so prior to me, also appointed at 26. 2 elders on the Service Committee under the age of 30. Lucky them. It wasn't more then a year later, that I was made Secretary (SEC). At first, I got the traditional job for new elders, Theocratic Ministry School Overseer. (TMSO)
Of course, I wanted to be the PO. I got to be the Secretary and I absolutely loved it. I got to control all paperwork, see everything, type everything, sign everything. It's the ultimate backdoor pass. Your' work is out of back slapping range, but thats why I was the TMSO too. So I had visibility, influence, yeah, life was good.
What were my expectations? That elders prayed a lot, had plenty of meetings, got along pretty well, and did things that were best for the congregation, for the sheep.
What was the reality? The elders prayed I am sure, but I never saw it, or evidence of it. We did have plenty of meetings, we didn't get along great, but we didn't hate each other, and as it turned out, we always did things that were best for 1) The WTBTS and 2) Each individual elder.
There is a pretty neat phrase to use, CYA: Cover Your @$$
Elders get letters frequently from the branch. They range in importance to how to handle the latest literature and magazine shipping protocols (rock star exciting!) to how to deal with pedophiles, plus specific correspondence on judicial cases, deletions of pioneers or appointed servants, etc.
It got to the point, where in a small congregation, I had literally 3 parts a week, 1 meeting, 2 letters to write, the monthly report, book study to conduct, pioneering, oh yeah, work, meetings to study for, Public Talks to prepare, and then, if I had time, the ex and I would stare at each other, silently wondering no doubt why we were drifting apart.
Being an elder is no good for family or marriage.
But the weirdest part of being in the club is the book you get. Technically, it was called the "ks91 textbook". It is entitled "Pay Attention To Yourselves And to All the Flock" Most refer to it as the "Flock" book. Which is closer to the truth, because being an elder isn't about being a shepherd, its about herding the flock.
What's weird about it is that I viewed that book as the culmination and validation of my goals. Only elders get it. On the first page, you are told that if you are no longer an elder, you have to give it back. I still have mine. They can pry it from my dead cold hands. Here are the titles of the Units
1A: Imitate Jehovah, the Shepherd and Overseer of Our Souls
1B: Loving Overseeers Working within the Congregation
2A: How Overseers Teach
2B Teaching at Cong Meetings
3A: Be Whole Souled in the Evangilizing Work
3B: Help Your Brothers to Reach All By Evangilizing
4A: How the Elders Work Together as a Body
4B: Our Loving Heavenly Overseer Provides Counsel and Discipline for All
5A: Overseers Ruling for Justice Itself
5B: Sharing on a Judicial Committee
5C: Handling Cases of Wrongdoiing with Wisdom and Mercy
6A: Jehovah's People Theocratically Organized for His Name
6B: Under the Law of Christ (had to fit Jesus in their sometime)
Unit 5 has over 50 pages dealing with judicial committee protocols, including what is and isn't judicial, what to say, what to fill out on the s-77 and s-79 forms... Good times....
By the time I was an elder, I had already gone through and survived dealing with depreession from the suicide of my disfellowshipped brother and divorce of my parents. Because all in my immediate family were dead, spiritually and/or literally, I couldn't associate with them, or rather, wouldn't. You see, many in my old congregation WERE associating with their DF'd relatives. How could I counsel them and set an example if I did the same?
So I turned my back on my family. Thats how screwed up this cult made me in the head. But I wanted to be an elder. I was going places. I was better then my family. I was going to save the family name. Me, the hot shot.
I was appointed an elder officially on June 13, 2001. Guess what happened 3 months later? 9/11.
That jolted me out of the fairy tale I believed I was living in. I had 3 months where I was a happy, brain dead JW elder. But I couldn't ignore what I saw. I saw death, and I took it more seriously then I ever had.
A few months after 9/11, I got my first slap on the wrist from a sub CO. We had disfellowshipped a young brother for lying about committing loose conduct. The sub came in after we made our decision, and single handedly got us to reverse it, after one elder went behind our back and lied about what happened. We were made to apologize, (which looking back, he deserved) and got a nice letter from the branch where we younger elders were admonished against being hasty and not relying on more experienced elders.
This same, experienced, back stabbing elder was living it up for a couple of months, till we found out that he served on a body of elders that appointed a known pedophile as an elder. He decided at the time that he didn't need to bring it up. Had he done so, this idiot would not have been appointed. It turns out a year after being reappointed, he cheated on his wife, with another man, and was removed, but not disfellowshipped.
Now it came up that this guy molested another boy 20 years prior, and it was up to the young elders to make it right. Of course, this was after many letters, meetings, and phone calls. Suddenly, we were in the good graces of the CO and the branch again, and this man was disfellowshipped for pedophilia.
Speaking of pedophiles, we had a state prison in our territory, 3 to be exact. One had about 12 JW's who were known molesters who were in jail. We conducted weekly meetings with them. The correspondence we had to deal with on the DF'd ones would make your head spin. These guys were sick. And yet still, they would apply for reinstatement, say they were repentent, and we had to send it to the disfellowshipping congregation. I got to go into prisons at least once a week too... Tired as can be...
Oh yeah, I digress. The weird stuff. (this isn't weird to you yet?) Where was the focus on the sheep?
One sister (I will leave out details out of respect for her) tried to commit suicide and murder, thanks to the voices in her head. (in 2002)
I wanted to disfellowship her. Of course, by this time I was 27 and growing in wisdom. Thankfully, the other elders saw that she was mentally ill, and so did the police. She wasn't charged. She got her meds and it calmed her down. However, that started me to look in the mirror and ask why I wanted to disfellowship her in the first place. Why? It was almost like a game to me, and that case woke me up.
I read up on her illness, and it shook me even more. This wasn't a spiritual problem, the woman was ill. And I was going to kick her out. I recall staying home from two meetings claiming I was sick. I wasn't feeling well, but truth be known, I realized just how much of an idiot @$$ I was.
Now mind you, this is a lot to throw on anyone, let alone a 27 year old elder with less then 1 years experience as an elder. But it finally got me to realize just how high the stakes were. We were dealing with people's lives. And we weren't really qualified for it.
So I stopped being such a prickasorous. I stopped insisting that things be done a certain way. I lightened up a lot. It was the beginning of me joining the human race. I didn't realize until I left though just how much of my being an idiot @$$hat had to do with the indoctrination I had received all my life. (I was about to get a lesson from life that would forever remind me that people are more important then any group. It just took me getting attacked in Cameroon to learn it....)
We had to keep quiet about the pedophiles. We had to deal with mental illness, something none of us were qualified to handle. (I and another elder at least read up on it, but we weren't trained for it. How does the bible help a poor soul who hears voices all the time?)
As the years went by, and my focus turned to getting into Gilead, both the CO and the MTS grad PO gave me insider points about making sure you are known, introduce yourself to the DO whenever you can, get a good reputation in the circuit. How did this prove I had holy spirit? It didn't, it was all about politics.
Always about politics.
By the time 2004 came around, and we got correspondence that we were going to go in 2005 to Gilead, we had to deal with as elders, ministerial servants and pioneers who dared defy the body. Deleted them both. Just because we didn't like them. (although they were self righteous as can be, but thats another story...)
And all the while, more letters, more making sure that we were following the "faithful slave". It wasn't lost on me all that elders had to do to relieve the GB of legal liability.
Write down potentially litiguous instructions. (can't show that it came from the GB)
If we had to report a pedophile, do so from a pay phone. (!!!)
Continue to not report pedophiles to the congregation. Leave everyone exposed while he walked around....
Handle everything like we were running a business. Forms, signed, mailed, returned signed, and filed.
So that our cong avg looked good, we had many pubs who would put in over 30, 40 hours of FS or more, to balance out the ones that didn't get their 10 in. Thus, our averages were always over 9. And thanks to the CO's, who passed this info out to the circuit elders at each Assembly, we saw our congregation ahead of others. Which meant we were good elders.
So why was I so tired? I enjoyed the talks and the adoration, but why was I unhappy? Because it was all a lie for one thing. And I knew it. Also, elders give more then a pint, if you will, and as I approached 30, I didn't see what the point of it was. I was beat, beat up, and about to really get clubbed as a missionary. (literally)
After I went to Gilead and Cameroon, (survived both,) and got back, I was reappointed for about a month before I left, and got in on one more elders meeting with a new congregation. I knew these men, but to see them as elders, doing the best they could, yet still dominated by politics, their own personalities and prejudices, etc, just made me shake my head. At this meeting, I had to remind one elder that he couldn't stake out his grandson-in-law at his house in the hopes of catching him at adultery so that his granddaughter could get a scriptural divorce.
Weird. Like that had to even be said, considered, and discussed???
Well, these are a few of my "stream of consciousness" memories. Being an elder was nothing like I thought it was going to be. Being a company man sucked even worse. So here I am at 35, with real experience and wisdom for the first time in my life.
Allow me to say, just to the universe, I do feel bad, and apologize for being an idiot, @$$hole elder. I was the enemy and deserve a measure of responsibility for that.
At the same time, I am so happy to be out of that sickness.