So I did it - almost!

by wantstoleave 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  wantstoleave

  Hi BZ! Thanks so much for your thoughts :)

  My parents would move hell and high water to see my kids...lol. So, no, I don't think me leaving would affect that. They love my kids like their own. They truly are wonderful parents and grandparents. My children love them to death, as do I. I do feel kind of like you and kittenwhiskers, the feeling of being tied to the parents. All my life I've felt an extra weight on my shoulders trying to please my them. I've brought this up with them in the past, and they deny it, saying it's all my own doing...but even my siblings agree with me, that I was always the one our parents expected to succeed and do things correctly etc. So, I know it's going to be a tough road for me, breaking free of that.

  I haven't read any publications yet, have been a little hesitant to do so. It was a huge step for me just coming to this site. I think I'll be a 'baby steps' kind of fader. I don't want to upset the apple cart just yet with my family. I know I've ruffled their feathers, and for now they probably think I'm safe as far as not leaving. But, it's firm in my mind not to go back. I just have to break it gently I think.

  There is another issue I have..and it's that of the ex. While claiming to still be a witness, yet having abandoned the children and I, and making numerous other mistakes that I can't prove (stupid 2 witness rule etc), I don't want him to 'win' if that makes sense? He wants nothing more than for me to stumble, mess up and leave 'the truth'. That way he can yell from the roof tops what a rotten person I am. He is a horrible low life, who is masquerading being a witness, yet I know otherwise. So part of me is being held back by wanting him to trip up before I leave the organisation. I don't know, I've just been so terribly stumbled by the so called 'justice' within the elder procedure of him abandoning us. He didn't even get a slap on the wrist, yet I'm left to raise two children alone. I know life isn't fair, and I accept that. I just don't accept that such a rotten individual can get away with so much within an organisation that claims to to be 'chosen'.
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  LIftsong

  Little steps. Little steps.

  I have just turned 42 and my mother became a witness when I was 6 months old so I was brought up in the organisation. I was baptised at 16 and married at 17. Neither thing should have acceptable at that age. I disassociated in my early 20's. It took me years to work out for myself by discovering the facts I was kept away from, that the organisation does not represent what a loving god is. It is an elitist publishing organisation that is an occult in the true sense of the word. It is made up of people that have been brainwashed into compliance through fear and ignorance.

  Any parent who actively pursues a course of action that fosters a belief system that undermines the ability for a child to develop the tools to think as an individual infuriates me beyond belief. It creates damage in an adult life that takes years to muddle your way through without help, no matter what religion or doctrine you find yourself entrenched in. Remember your parents love you but they have been denied facts of the equation that makes the whole picture. They are as fearful themselves and unable to see reality as it really is.

  There are so many issues surrounding the organisation that I now know that left me speechless when I discovered them.

  Be strong and take the time to listen to what your heart tells you. It has a very quiet little voice so listen closely as it is easily bullied into silence until it becomes strong and certain. It is this that gives you the path you as a person needs to follow, not the wagging finger of the Watchtower.

  None of us are very different really; we all feel the same and want the same things. It is one of the great things about being free to think for you that you will come to realise. Your life journey won’t become easier just because you manage to one day break free if this is what you want, just more empowering and enjoyable. Don’t be frightened about thinking for yourself and allowing your mind and heart to question. It is perfectly normal and what you were designed to do. The essence of who you are is hidden behind years of conditioning and inner head chatter born of what you have been told to think. Your thoughts aren’t you!

  Just because you can’t see the sun behind the clouds doesn’t mean it is not in the sky and shining brightly. Life is joyful is if it is made up of what you have done today for the greater good of who you need to be tomorrow.

  Big hugs

  Paul
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  wantstoleave

  Paul ...beautifully put! A sincere thanks ((hugs))
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  LIftsong

  Always hear to talk s drop me a line or just pick up the phone.