I had no "it" to lose when I was a dub. The WTS had already taken away all the good "its" from my life.
I got "it" all back when I left, though!
Farkel
Did You Start "Losing It" As A Witness?
by minimus 36 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
-
OnTheWayOut
I was not emotionally or mentally unbalanced as a JW.
You either knocked on doors to convince people that Jehovah was going to destroy them and have birds eat their flesh,
Or you knocked on people's doors selling a line of BS so that friends and family would talk to you.See, one way or the other- it's not normal. There was some disturbance in all of us.
-
-
-
OnTheWayOut
People dispense BS for personal gain. No different for a JW that doesn't believe the doctrine.
But it is a bit "out there" to give up time every month, knocking on people's door and offering them "the lie" just so your conditional friends and family won't shun you.I am not judging. I know there are valid reasons for this, I know there are degrees to how disturbed a person can be.
But if I see some bird in the water that has a bill for a beak, if I hear it quacking, if it has webbed feet, I have to call it a duck. -
chicken little
I lost the plot for about seven years....I was a zombie in that period. I took everything so seriously and found my self almost paranoid. I can still even to this day remember people I called on in the service going back 30 years. I would have guilt trips over not getting back to them and being blood guilty.
My family suffered during this time. Conventions were torture, I spent much of the time in the rest rooms or in the car outside. I couldn't sit through the meetings I was afraid I would shout out something outrageous, my husband would walk me around the block to calm me down. I was so stressed out and suicidal, I felt life was a mess and I was of no use to anyone. Medicine helped. Then listening to the voice inside telling me there had to be another way to live than this.
I know of many who are just like I was.
-
cantleave
I had a couple bouts of what my GP called "Anxiety and Depression". First of all in my mid 20's and again a few years later. The first time I am sure it was partly because I had a very responsible Job, as an operations manager for a Chemical Plant and partly because I was trying to be whole souled to Jehovah. The second time for the same reasons plus the fact that I had a new baby. The Elders said I should reduce the stress caused by secular job and Guess what? I left the chemical industry and went into Sales, which strangely enough was not as stressful, as I was / still am good at selling, ironically enough it was because I was able convey concepts both at a one to one level and to large groups of people (where did I develop those skills?). I think I was on the point of another episode a couple of weeks ago, but since resigning as an Elder and working on my fade from the org I feel a great deal better. I still have a long path to walk down, which needs to be negotiated very carefully, but I am sure the pressures that caused my "Anxiety and Depression" are on the way to being history.
-
-
jambon1
I always refer to the fact that in normal society I was a succesful young man who should have had the world at his feet (around 2002/03). In reality, as a JW I was a paranoid, insecure, pessemistic, depressing individual. I rmember on more than one occasion going into meltdown. The cause? Who knows. But, I did feel completely under pressure as a JW ministerial servant/pioneer.
When I had my 1st little baby daughter I was forced to take note of my mental stability.
I knew that I had to leave this religion. Not just for me now, but for my kids. I considered others now.
I left. It hasn't been easy. Yet I considered suicide as a way out when I was in the religion.
I'm happy I gained the courage & left.
I really could have been dead*.
*One night I was so miserable, I drank a litre of whiskey. I must have downed my last at around 11.20pm. I had to get up for work at 4.30am. I got up & managed to trace the line of a familiar tree on a stretch of road where I was able to do 60mph in my car. I considered just driving off the road & ending it all that day. I was a young man who had a lovely wife & 2 little healthy children. I was so overtaken by my misery in that religion.
I just had to leave. For my own sanity & the future of my kids.