So my elder/dad says he will shun me....i figured as much... (page 2)

Georgiegirl

Oompa...I know I don't comment much on your threads (well, heck, I don't comment that much at all) but I do read you. Hopefully this will come out helpfully and not as a slam b/c your story makes me hurt and worry for you. It just seems to me that there are three issues: 1. alcoholism 2. mental/emotional issues (i.e. depression, etc. you've been fairly open about all of this) and 3. the JWs. I honestly think you need to fix 1 and 2 before you will be able to deal successfully with 3. If you walk away from the little bit of stability left in your life, I think you will spiral downwards, fast. Fix the other issues. Perhaps in fixing them, the JW stuff will become more manageable, you know? There are tons of "divided" households, and even though she drives you nuts, it has always seemed like you really love your wife. Throwing everything away in an attempt to stop the pain isn't always a good choice...the pain doesn't stop and you've lost everything. (Plus, you are in NC, and the property division laws there SUCK hard). ;) xoxox

flipper

OOMPA- I liked Georgie Girl's comments. I agree with her takes. Just please know that we all care here and I can only imagine how that hurts when your dad said he would shun you. My dad's been an elder since time began also - I did experience his and my mom's shunning once for 4 years when I was DFed 1998 to 2002. It sucks. Hopefully you can give attention to other areas in life you need help in - then you will see much of it is inner related. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Hopscotch

((((((((oompa))))))

The pain, the heartbreak, the destroyed hopes and plans, the unhappiness and depression caused by this cult is beyond belief. I am really feeling for you at the moment oompa - I know the pain of losing your entire family through shunning. 9 months on and it is still so raw. But what you are facing is much much worse. Don't they (WTS) ever wonder why so many of it's intelligent, caring members end up turning to alcohol to self medicate away the pain being part of this cult causes?

All I can say is hang in there oompa - keep making plans for your own future which I'm sure will one day bring you the peace and happiness you deserve.

sending you hugs and love

Hopscotch

chickpea

fight the impulse to be impulsive

even if you sail around the world, mate,
no matter where you go, there you are...
changing geography just means you have
troubles in a different time zone

like they already said, find your center
and then go do your bucket list

and for the record:
i call BS on your dad's "no choice" choice...
he has a choice, just lets some old wankers
in suits make it for him.....

oompa

Georgiegirl....thanks for your input and i totally understand your 1,2,3 points.......i have now concluded you can love someone, love many close to you, and yet you may not be able to live happily around them...when one party changes so much and there is little in common, love takes on a very different feeling............i have also been worried about how i would do with suh a big change in my life btw and plan on waiting to see how i cope without booze for several months if at all possible........i had so few coping skills as a fourth gen dub....we didn't need them since we had all the answers in life........so i have been coping with booze and got really tired of that...........i still wonder if it were not for this big part of my life that is askew, would i just be a normal social drinker??

did you know that i never exhibited number 1. and 2. until my big wake up about 4 years ago?.....i would drink a bit too much at parties sometimes, but never had intentionally gotten drunk, nor binged, nor had a blackout except once in high school at a beach party......also, never had been on meds for depression until my big wake up....wife thought i must be nuts to leave jw so found a doc to throw meds at me like a pez dispenser.....now i am down to one and the rehab shrinks say they do not feel i need it and am not bi-polar....oh and btw...they said i have most symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder!!!!!!!...(sounded right to me)......and they were most worried about me going back to my old life situation which could promote relapse...........so far so good .............and ya, NC is a 50-50 distribution divorce state no matter what for the most part.......and that bites..........thanks, oompa

BabaYaga

No words, Oomps, just know that my thoughts are with you.

Love, strength, and wisdom to you!
Love,
Baba.

Out at Last!

If your marrage is going to work, there must be some give and take on both sides. Why can't you talk to your friends in the house? Does she have any non JW friends that she talks to? I'm sure you could think of some, does she go to the garage when she talks to them? If she insists that you go to the garage like a scond class citizen in your own home for calls she deems worldly, then she must do the same with her calls that you do not agree with. If one rule fits for one, it should fit for both. That is the only way your marrage is going to work. Stand up for your rights in this relationship.

LouBelle

oompa - I had wondered where you were and what was going on.

that is the sad reality my friend. Only you know if that price is worth your freedom and happiness - it is a high price to pay....offset that against the fact that probably for the first time in your life you'll be free....only then you'll know if it is worth it. I wish there was a better solution for you.

on a light note - if ever you sale all the way to the east coast of south africa - i'll take you for a beer

Black Sheep

I have a slight advantage in that I am not baptised, but otherwise my situation is much the same. I have settled them down quite a bit by making it known that the only reason that the JWs are more important to me than any of the other thousands of religions that claim to be directed by God is that it is the one that I had the misfortune to be born in to.

Tactic two, has been to refuse to discuss any subject other than my request for a list of kings for the Neo-Babylonian Empire. I have asked for the list in the nicest possible way and now I am getting tough with it. I have effectively tattooed my question on my forehead, and any attempt to discuss anything WT other than my question results in me grabbing them by the ears and giving them a 'Liverpool kiss' with my question.

My old man has had seventy years of practice at avoidance, redirection, character assassination and every other technique that can be used to avoid answering an uncomfortable question. I have made it very clear that the ball is in HIS court, HE has to explain what he really doesn't want to. Telling me "...it's all explained in the Aid Book" or whatever it is called now is not good enough. I asked HIM for a list and I want to know why HE hasn't written it up for me already, because HE has had PLENTY of time. The last trick he tried was to tell me it is all explained at www.watchtower.com. He got put in his place on that one.

I am putting the guilt trip on any JW I have asked for not giving me the king list I have requested and my JWs are tip toeing around trying not to say anything that might prompt me to remind them that they owe me an answer. I don't know if any of them have actually tried to make me a king list, but if any of them have they are keeping the results under wraps.

Them "trinit.."

Me "Read my forehead","King List?",Whooomph.

Them "immortal so...."

Me "Read my forehead","King List?",Whooomph.

Them "Earthqua.."

Me "Read my forehead","King List?",Whooomph.

Heartbreaker

(((((((((((((((((((oompa)))))))))))))))))))))

So my elder/dad says he will shun me....i figured as much...

Share this