Did anyone else feel this way & if so, at what stage in your time as a JW?
I remember I must have been in the org for about 6 or 7 years. I was always trying to be the life & soul of the cong. The class clown if you like (even though inside I was depressed). I was this way until the day I walked out of the KH for the last time. Outwardly, I was all that. Enjoying life as a JW. I was chatty, gregarious. Interested in people both inside & outside the cong.
As a result, I had some nice calls with people on the ministry. I would pretty much only deliver magazines & answer any questions, if they asked. I had a big magazine route which included lots of elderly people & mid-aged men/women. I used to love hearing their strorys & things about their family, grandkids, etc. Perhaps I was just nosey!
As I have mentioned on here previously, I would look around our cong and see lots of depressed people. I could relate to them in a way as inwardly I was miserable. I saw lots of problems with marriages & family life. No-one seemed to be happy or upbeat about life. 90% of the cong were negative people. Most people had ongoing problems. Lots were on anti-depressants. Utterly depressing it was.
Unlike my calls. The worldly people. Not all of them. But most. They were all pretty much contented & had lead happy lives. They had happy memories. Most of them just seemed content with their lot in life, despite having faced different challenges.
When this began to dawn on me, I realised that it would be cruel for me to wish that these people become JW's. Why would I want anyone to become part of the misery that I was experiencing? I had seen how the WTS could take people who were previously happy-go-lucky folk (like I was), and do something to them. Turn them into paranoid, negative, depressing individuals.
It wasn't long after that, that I realised I should leave the org.
Anyone else feel this way?