I've been thinking about this post for the past few hours and feel compelled to respond.
My dad was an elder. He was so consumed with responding to the needs of others that he had no time or energy to give his own family. When he did give attention, he was so worn out that he was abusive. Police were called several times and on a few occaisions various siblings of mine were removed from the home and placed in protective custody.
My dad was very hands-on with the publishers and their families (even the non-believing mates). People either loved him or hated him. Noone doubted his committment to his theocratic responsiblity to the congregation.
He was also a good public speaker so in addition to attending our own Sunday meetings, he had 'out' talks 2-4 times per month.
For work, my dad had his own construction company and money was very tight while I was growing up. I remember only FOUR vacations that our family took from 1969 to 1981. The longest vacation was 4 days long.
My dad worked very hard to support his family but didn't have time to enjoy us. Part of his elder persona was having his family 'in subjection'. We were exemplary most of the time. It was required of us.
My dad may or may not have been typical of other elders. I found him to be extreme in his attention to the needs of other families.
I don't think his way was right. Not really blaming him. But I think his thinking and devotion was misguided.
While I feel the pain of those who have posted on this thread, I still believe that most of the elders I have met do care to help others. Unfortunately, they are minimally trained - and mostly trained by other men who have NO realworld experience. They do the best they can with what they have and most strive to give adequate (not thorough) support and guidance to their own wives, children and extended family.
I remember bragging that the JWs do not have a paid clergy. Until a few years ago I thought this was a good thing. Now I think it's incredibly stupid.
It was while speaking with a co-worker about a new youth pastor in his church that I changed my feelings. Rather than burden untrained men with their own family responsibilities and full-time jobs, how much better is it to provide a modest home and stipend for a dedicated man (or woman) whose primary occupation is to be a counsellor to the congregation? That person is available to devote extra time to take classes or do research to become better informed and educated in whatever area the congregants require. Someone to just listen.
To even think back to the craziness of those JW days makes my palms sweaty. Think of the ramifications of untrained men stepping where they really have no business and then following the direction of the Faithful and Discreet Slave Governing Body - often with disasterous results. In most cases the elders are just doing what they are told. Sometimes to the neglect of their own families. Also, knowing what I know now about the truth about 'the truth', those men who, if they haven't noticed yet, will soon realize that all their 'sacrifices for Jehovah' were mostly in vain and the promises held out to them were not promises at all but misrepresentations and overt lies and coverups.
Maybe one or two of the elders cited above were already having their own doubts and trying to find their own sanity and considered themselves not competent to handle the situation but also not prepared to direct the publisher to professional help (against organization guidelines). It's not a good a excuse but these really are just men, not divinely-directed or inspired prophets. And often men with substantial problems of their own.
I think that rather than blaming the individual elders, the elder body, or all elders in general, the blame should be directed squarely at the higher-up members who create all the stupid rules and the heirarchy system.
If you need help, are in a spiritual crisis, or just need an understanding ear, I strongly encourage you to find a trained counsellor or support group/organization. Domestic violence should be reported to the police, not the elders who's primary goal is protecting a group image rather than life and limb of the individual.
There comes a point when each of us has to take responsibility for our own lives and spirituality. Maybe in some cases the elders should be thanked as the feelings of neglect often are the first phase of a person's true spiritual awakening.
-Aude.
