Adjusting to illness & old age

by dozy 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  dozy

  The point is sometimes made in these forums that the societies constant insistence that “the end is nigh” has meant that so many JWs fail to make adequate financial provisions for their retirement.

  However , I’ve noticed an increasing trend amongst JWs in middle age to elderly ones that they also haven’t made adequate emotional provisions , as they have been constantly told that they would never get old in “this system.”

  Most non-JWs , aware that sooner or later they will experience a deterioration in their health, are mentally better prepared to cope with this. With many JWs it seems to throw them completely.

  A good friend , aged around 50 , has just been diagnosed with a fairly serious illness. Having been “brought up” as a JW and under the assumption that long before now he would be petting the lions in paradise, he told me that he just can’t cope , that it “was never supposed to be like this.” An elderly relative who has the early symptoms of dementia is very angry & incapable of coming to any comprehension of his situation.

  To compound these problems , the poor regard that the WTS has for doctors means that JWs are easy meat for every charlatan and quack in the area. And of course any self-help groups or counselling is disapproved or even condemned as "bad association".

  I think the WTBTS are extremely reprehensible in encouraging a “short term – everything is going to be all right” mindset which renders their followers incapable of making emotional adjustments to the inevitable on-set of middle and old age.
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  Robdar

  I think the WTBTS are extremely reprehensible in encouraging a “short term – everything is going to be all right” mindset which renders their followers incapable of making emotional adjustments to the inevitable on-set of middle and old age.

  I don't think this is exclusive for JWs. No matter your religion, it is difficult getting old and feeble. Nothing can really prepare you for it. When we are young, there is no way to relate to getting old and time goes by so quickly. Before you know it, middle age is shlepping up behind you.

  My neighbor is 66 years old. This year he has lost 10 members of his family and friends to death. Bam, bam, bam, they are dropping like flies. His best friend died suddenly last month from an an aneurysm and my neighbor is not handling it well. His blood pressure is sky-high and he is in a daze from all the grief. The doctor told him he has seen too much death this year. Even the happy pills the doctor prescribed him do not seem to be working.

  All the precautions in the world can never prepare you for the grief, loss and lonliness you will suffer in old age. And as we learned from the economic crash of 2008, all the money you saved for your retirement can disappear overnight.
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  Gregor

  As my grandfather used to say, "It takes guts to get old"
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  Robdar

  As my grandfather used to say, "It takes guts to get old"

  And the older I get the more I know it to be true.
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  Quandry

  You are right, dozy.

  When my hubbie and I realized we would "die like everyone else" it was sobering and devastating. We took stock of our situation. No retirement money.....weren't supposed to be in this "system of things" still. They had "built my confidence that the generation who saw the beginnings of pangs of distress" would not pass away until the big A. It was printed inside the front of the Awake magazines for years.

  That's why I couldn't understand why there was no reaction when the "generation" changed in 1995. Just business as usual. Didn't they get that this began to change everything? That the GB was slyly admitting they had no clue when the "new system" would come?

  Yes, now I've had to live through my parents, aunts, uncles, and starting on cousins, dying. I am stuck in a low paying job, because I do pay into retirement, and will need every penny of it because I will have no other source of income, except social security....which we know is very little.
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  journey-on

  Some witnesses are beginning to wake up to the reality that they probably will grow old and die. My sis and bil are in the process of working overtime to build up their upcoming retirement nest egg. After our parents' deaths, she realized that she could no longer put faith in the age old Watchtower teaching that Armageddon would be here and gone in our lifetime. Our parents raised us to believe they would never get old and we had to watch both of them deteriorate as they aged. Sad. She still believes it's the truth though, but is now more focused on staying faithful to the end of her life in hopes she will one day be resurrected into the New System/New World/New Order (whatever they call it now). That assuredness of "Millions Now Living Will Never Die" is gone.
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  angel eyes

  Is it true that elders are assigned to ill ones to upbuild and keep them informed of spiritual things? Sounds a loving provision but unsure if its true or if it's actually in every cong?
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  choosing life

  I agree that it is a big emotional adjustment when you realize that you will grow old and die just like everyone else. I really believed that the 1914 generation would see the end.

  It was the beginning of the end when they changed that teaching, for me. I remember, at the hall, how they just kept saying "nothing has changed". It was like a mantra they kept repeating to themselves, less someone scream out, "everything has changed".

  I had been wondering about so many things for quite a while, but trying to ignore this like nothing had changed was too much for my mind. It helped to break through and think rationally. Then came the ridiculous fraction doctrine and I had to break rank.

  Growing old is not for sissies. That is what older folks used to tell me and I watch my parents and I know it is true. I've heard so many older jws say they just want to live to see the end and watched them slip away.

  At least, I encouraged my kids to go to college and plan for the future. they will have an easier time, I hope.
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  Violia

  Someone once told me " getting old is not for sissies". How ture. In your mind you may still feel 30 but the body ages, even if you are in farily good health. One thing you discover as you get older- you often become invisible to people under 30. I recall thinking that way- that no one existed but my generation. Most of the TV and music, clothes etc, is geered to that age group. A lot of us felt we owned the world, no one else really existed. Once you get past 40 you realize that is not true but often you discover you are invisible-esxpecially if you are female .
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  Mickey mouse

  This is so true Dozy, I've seen it in my own family.