What nearly one year of dating has taught me

Newborn

For those of you who doesn't care about my dating life can stop reading here...some of you knows a little bit since before and might want to have an update

I've learned that there are a lot of players out there and that I may be one of those girls who easily fall for these types, unfortunately - not anymore though!
I've learned that when a guy says, talk to you later, don't reply to your sms/text within 1-2 days, never calls you, doesn't suggest going to the movies or watching a football game together, only calls you drunk saturday nights, etc etc isn't interested in you, at all (except for perhaps one thing, and one thing only).
I've learned that guys can be very cowardly when it comes to be honest abt their feelings and intentions (not all though) - Mr. Doe is perfect as we all know, hehe
I've learned that I'd rather stay single than being with the wrong person
I've got to know myself better and know what I DON'T want!!

However, all in all, this year as a happy single and non JW has been a great experience for me. How little I knew when I got married in the org at 22.

I'm now glad to tell you that I'm seeing a guy since 2 months, who's probably the kindest I've ever met (and I want a kind man - my JW husband was very selfish). We met thru internet dating. He's a bit younger than me but we've a lot in comon and he makes me feel happy.Sylvie (big sis) I'm glad to tell you that we are hurrying slowly.

I'm not hiding that I want to meet someone and start a family. I hope it's not too late even though I've turned 35. Anyone here who started family late??
Btw, he's driving 800km to see me over the coming weekend. Yeah, we don't live close but that's not an issue if it's right.

I'll keep you posted - thanks for listning/Newborn

dinah

I've learned that I'd rather stay single than being with the wrong person

I'd say that's the most important lesson.

nelly136

and if they cant give your their home number or are funny about the times they call,or their mob goes to answerphone in the eves, theyre possibly living with someone.

Btw, he's driving 800km to see me over the coming weekend

now thats what i call eager

Newborn

now thats what i call eager

Yes! Then is when you know they have a real interest.

I was in contact with a guy who didn't even want to take the train 20 min from neigbour city

babygirl30

I LOVE this topic...cause I posted about this on another site! I learned SO MUCH in really being able to freely DATE and be myself. Here is my org posting:

Granted, I held onto my 'purity' for a LONG time...but that was because I lived with my parents and my father (being the control freak he was) THREATENED that if I ever did!!!! knowing that I do not have to marry this man if I don't want to or am not ready but can continue to date him vs feeling like I have to marry the brother I was dating strictly because (x) amount of time was invested into the relationship and THAT is why we date - right? TO get married...and to break up would involve an explaination and possibly an accusation of misleading someones feelings.

Granted, bad guys are in and out of the truth, but I find that I am able to discern that and see it much quicker in the world then I could when I was in the org. The bros I dated - no matter what their profession - were not the kind of guys I really would've been happy with. Not because of them being JWs, but because of not feeling like I had a true connection with them...a deep one. Time alone was nil and so I didn't know if they would be good guys in the long run...if they were sexual deviants or boring as hell in the bedroom...what they really thought about a wifes role. Typically in JW dating, both are just so happy to have found a 'mate' that meets 85% of their requirements - with the #1 being that they're baptized - that the rest just comes AFTER they are married. Am I wrong? With my guy now, I've spent enough time around him to see who he is. Don't get me wrong - I don't know everything about him...but enough to make a decision that he is a good man, fun, makes me laugh, generous, and genuine. I bet if you asked him about me, he could tell you verbatim what kind of person I am too. But to ask the JWs' I dated....gauranteed their descriptions would be way off base - solely because we never really knew each other. Lord knows that it took my ex fiance about 6 mos to really start acting the FOOL and that is when I learned of his abusive behaviors. After 2yrs is when I found out the full spectrum of his abuse and lack of love for anyone but himself. IT's sad that some marriages are based off of that - this secluded version of 'dating' that we as JWs were taught. Couple meets, dates, and within 6 mos is planning a wedding. HOW???? What the freak do you really know about someone (if not previously friends over some time first) after only a few mos? My God, a job hires on a 90 day probation period....dating should be the same way.

leavingwt

Thanks for the update.

Those are some good lessons.

snowbird

Sylvie (big sis) I'm glad to tell you that we are hurrying slowly.

Good for you!

BabyGirl, that was one awesome post!

Hey, how many baby girls do we have around here?

Sylvia

Newborn

babygirl30

Honey, you said it sooo well. Thanks! I totally agree with every word.

The dating rules withing the org is so screwed. I didn't know my husband enough and our sexlife was a disaster. I thought there was something wrong with me who couldn't enjoy sex etc. Now I know, thank god, that I'm perfectly normal in that area. It was just that we were so incompatible, which of course you can't know if you're not aloud to try.

So happy that we're free to follow our hearts.

Love to you

fokyc

Hi Newborn,

I wondered where you had been, missed you. So you now believe in try before you buy?

fokyc

Newborn

Dear fokyc, glad to hear I've been missed.

I'm always here but not very active all the time and yes I nowadays try before I buy

What nearly one year of dating has taught me

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