by the real life 29 Replies latest jw friends
I didn't want to be an outcast among those still in, nor a fanatic to those out - so oI just kinda didn't talk to anyone in nor mention it to anyone out.
Looking back, I see it's taken me about 3 years for it to come up in conversation with those I meet. It's kinda like admitting I was born on Mars or something, not the kind of thing you talk about, for some reason.
although i talked about it back then i was in defend it mode, that lasted for quite a while.
there i was having to leave home, my faf throwing my belongings across the lawn, i had weird men turning up at work and hanging around outside to catch me to tell me my family wouldnt be talking to me anymore, my work mates found it weird. so i spent a lot of time telling them that it was my fault and i'd broken the rules so it was all my own fault. i thought it was normal, my workmates didnt.
Not including family and close friends who knew me way back when, in the 30+ years I've been an exdub, I've told exactly 2 people that I was a dub. It's not exactly a thing to be proud of, even though I was dragged in as a child.
It took about 3 months before I could tell a few close work friends, neighbors and a few non jw family members. I felt like it was something so big I was going through that I needed a little support. It took my husband a little longer about a year, I guess. I don't identify myself as an ex jw to "in" family, they just think I went off the deep end.
28 years
Now
I'll tell anybody
The cult has no hold over me
Free at last, Free at last
For awhile, I just kept it to myself (I would say about 6 mos) because #1 - I was going to meetings trying to get reinstated and #2 - it was burned in my HEAD that going 'public' with my DFing would only bring reproach on Jehovah's name....so I didn't tell people. Now at around my 7th mos is when things got worse for me (in dealing with the brothers) and I stopped going to mtgs - at that point my parents pretty much gave up ON me and decided they were now going to follow the shunning policy. THAT is when I was done keeping secrets...done being manipulated and controlled - and I finally started telling people "Oh, I was raised in a very strict religious home" or else I would come right out and tell them that I was RAISED a JW (signifying that's not how I was anymore).
For years I wouldn't mention it to anyone because it didn't seem to matter. Most of my friends knew I was raised in the Borg but many had no idea what that meant. "Ah... you couldn't celebrte birthdays of christmas." That's all they knew.
Since I've been mentally 'awake', about 4 months, I want to talk about it more. I've told a few people how I've been working through my JW upbringing and I can't believe the response I've gotten. Shock, disbelief and a ton of sympathy. One guy I told has a JW brother he lost to the cult and was so excited to talk to me about it. It's makes me feel better, to know people expect me to be more messed up than I actually am.
About 3 damn minutes. I tell any and all.
I guess my situation might be a little bit unique in that I faded over a period of about a year in my hometown, then spent another year there as a non-witness, and then left the country entirely. So I had very little contact with people that may have known me before. I feel like I started a brand new life and it doesn't seem to have much relevance to my life now - but I am a lot more comfortable talking about it now than I used to be.
Also, I was raised in, so it's not a decision I made that I can explain.
I'd like to say I'm fading but I kind of have one foot in, one foot out so to speak. I would love to shout from the roof tops that I'm no longer a witness, but I think I'd be more conservative and not advertise it. Other than telling those who need to know, such as my childrens teachers (because they think we're witnesses), I wouldn't need to tell many others. I've not told any work colleagues I'm a witness, so that's why I wouldn't have many to tell. If it came up in conversation, I'd probably be inclined to change the subject. Probably because it's still fresh.
