by OnTheWayOut 21 Replies latest jw friends
Thanks for the post and sorry for your lost OWTO.
So true is that Outlaw. I have JW associates who are trying to contact me now. I ignore them. I don't want to, but I know how it is going to fare in the end. I just consider it doing them the favor.
I have a JW best friend I keep in contact with from time to time still. While she knows I no longer go to meetings, she doesn't know my true view of this cult. And then there is the family factor, which sort of puts me in a limbo.
Wow I glad I came across this topic right now I was upset too by the same thing basicly. This makes me feel I have ppl that understand. Yeah That is hard sorry... I understand. It's so frustrating!
His calls initially were about how "the truth" did so much for him and how Satan warps everything outside of WTS
I can sort of relate to your story. There were two people whom I was really close to in my JW days. One of them is a guy who, like me, was raised a JW but didn't embrace the faith until later in his life. I embraced it in high school. He embraced it when he was 18/19 years old. He kind of saw me as a role model because at the time I was a model teenage JW and he was a frequent drug user who associated with gang members. When he finally got fed up of his lifestyle, he turned to JWism. It helped him leave behind what was a destitute lifestyle.
We became close, and I was even the best man at his wedding. He noticed that I began to have issues with the Watchtower, but he never confronted me about it. I think he really developed an appreciation for me as a person outside of the JW realm. When I moved away from my hometown and stopped going to meetings, he continued to check up on me and wouldn't press me too hard on JW issues. Nevertheless, I was familiar enough with the Watchtower rules to know that he could never truly be a friend to me unless I embraced JWism again. After a while, he got the hint and stopped calling me as much. I hear from him every few months now when we used to be in contact on almost a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure in his eyes I abandoned him as a friend because I stopped calling him and not the other way around. Unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with the JW rules and the JW mindset. He, like your friend, is way into JWism because he feels it has helped him out a great deal. In my friend's case, it helped him turn his life around. He's simply not at the point in his life where he's willing to reassess his faith. To try to maintain a friendship with him would simply prolong the inevitable. I preferred to cut ties with him right then and there before giving him the chance to ask personal questions about my beliefs that could potentially jeopardize my fade.
I have another story about the other friend, but I don't want to hijack your thread. Best of luck to you, man. I'm sure it'll all work out for the best in the end.
I'm sorry. My JW bestie and I were best friends from grade school. Last time I saw her I introduced her to my then fiance, and she totally snubbed us. That was over seven years ago now and it still hurts.
Girlie friend, so many people in my past don't know whazzup. I know the result when they hear.
Even my wife won't tell them when she sees old friends.
BFL85, glad I was there to help.
NEJ, yeah I made sure he remembered that I was ready to break the rules when he was DF'ed just so he could feel that he abandoned me. I still doubt he will see it that way.
Jadeen, sorry to hear your JW bestie story.
Can you imagine a friendship in any realm other than within the jws where a person would say, "I'll be there for you, except:
you can't tell me what you're thinking, you can't ask me to empathize with you, and we can't actively associate with each other until you think the same way I do?
I wonder if I ever really had a best jw friend. I moved a lot growing up and friends of any source were hard to find and keep. I wasn't allowed to have non-jw best friends, but I had a couple. One though was forced to drop me when her mother found out I was a jw. That was sad.
I learned at the KH that no one could really be trusted. I listened to the sisters and the brothers gossip about their "best friends." I watched as some destroyed their reputations out of pettiness. I was a slow learner. I thought that if I was a good Christian, I would attract good people.
So in some way I have held people at bay, no longer willing to be hurt. I have found a good man in my life and friends in a support group I belong to in this area. But more importantly I have learned to be a good friend to myself.
Love, Blondie
The false friendship paradox strikes quickly in most cases, and in some rare cases takes a bit longer to deliver the final punch.
When are we having lunch? Any decision on that yet? I'll email you.
Peace
Jeff
JB, yes there are probably others like that. But they are not really "friends." They are acquiantances.
Blondie, One though was forced to drop me when her mother found out I was a jw. That was sad.
Maybe her mother was smarter than we could give credit for. Not that YOU were bad, but JW's are bad news. She didn't want her daughter recruited.
I don't know Jeff. See everyone, I already have friends to replace JW's.
OTWO- I'm sorry you are going through this. Been there done that. I talked to you on the phone about it and just want you to know I consider you a good friend. So as you said - we DO get good friends on the board here who like Butterfly said- do understand what we are going through. I agree with your point that JW family members are a lot more tolerant towards talking about ourconcerns about the organization- although for some of us it depends WHICH JW family member we talk to. Some are hardline, some aren't. But I have found the same thing as you - I've lost most all of my friendships I had over 6 years ago in the cult. But I've made many more friends and aquaintances whose friendship is unconditional and won't judge me just because I miss meetings. Like Blondie said , " I wonder how many actual real friendships I ever had in the cult ? "
Glad I'm out as I'm sure you are as you can meet lots of nice people who accept you as you are. It's a wonderful feeling. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
