That it was not losing all my friends that hurt so damned bad.... it was finding out they weren't my friends that hurt so damned bad.
Sometimes it still hurts so bad I want to curl fetal.
Jeff
I think, retrospectively;
by AK - Jeff 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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leavingwt
I hear you.
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BluesBrother
Yes, but did we ever expect them to treat us differently to anybody else who leaves? It is the rules of the game....It goes something like " Your best friend is Jehovah, so if he is no longer a friend of Jehovah, then he is no friend of mine"
Hell, if you even move to a new congregation, the old one soon forgets you. I am just "inactive" but they seem to get the point that I no longer believe. Nobody wants to talk with me , they seem afraid.
Truth is I can (sadly) remember doing it to others in the past. Such is life within The Borg..........
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Judge Dread
Nobody wants to talk with me , they seem afraid.
Well, maybe if you take off the hat and sunglasses..................................
Judge Dread
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undercover
Another thing is that they blame us for terminating the friendship. As BB pointed out, once they figured out we no longer believe, they cast us aside, yet in their minds, we're the one who broke the friendship.
At times, I feel like I could've tried harder to keep some friendships going, but deep down I knew that it was a waste of time and effort. It was better to let it die a quick death than prolong the agony.
The harder part still was that even my still-believing wife made comments (still does at times) about not having the friends and parties get-togethers we used to. The blame lies solely on my shoulders in her mind, since I'm the one who became inactive.
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Open mind
I have allowed many JW friendships to fizzle out knowing that it would help ease the pain in the future.
I remember also this conundrum: One possible solution, that doesn't always work, is to pick JW friends who are SUPER strong "spiritually". The odds are better that they won't leave. Two problems with that solution. 1. In general, the more "spiritual", the less I liked them. 2. Plenty of "rock solid" JWs leave anyway.
The other solution: Make friends you actually like in the JWs. I think the odds of them getting DFed are probably a little bit higher, but I have no statistics to back that up. Just over 4 decades of personal experience in the rot.
Strength to you Jeff.
om
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JWoods
Look at it this way - it will just make your new friends (here, at work, other "worldly" decent activities) seem even more like the real thing.
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Casper
Another thing is that they blame us for terminating the friendship.
Good point Undercover,
This is so true, and it never ceases to amaze me. My best JW friend's husband came to me shortly after my fade became really apparent, and said, "XXX is upset because she feels you left her".
I didn't "leave her", I just stopped going to the meetings... she terminated the relationship, besides shouldn't it have been that "I left Jehovah" ?
I'm sorry you are hurting AK... it's all so unfair.
Cas
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AK - Jeff
I'm sorry you are hurting AK... it's all so unfair.
Cas
Not hurting so much as thinking out loud. Though at times - like the middle of the night - it does hurt. One needs to make the transition to understanding that those friendships were never real to move on - I think many [including me] had believed that people would not be so cruel when it came to 'our friendship'.
I have found friendships that are important to me since leaving - and they are better and real. Still, when one thinks of the volume of effort and time that had gone into ones past....
Yes, UC, point well made. And Casper, that is the catch phrase isn't it? "You left Jehovah"... what a cop out to avoid dealing with real issues.
Jeff
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BabaYaga
...it was not losing all my friends that hurt so damned bad.... it was finding out they weren't my friends that hurt so damned bad.
Ouch... and touche'. Somedays I am more furious at the Watchtower than I'd like to be.
Love to you.
Baba.