Dealing with JW anger

loosie

Ok I need some suggestions form others here on how to deal with anger as a result of being a JW for so many years.

I am normally an easy going person. I am friendly and easy to get along with as long as you have a sense of humor and aren't a sexist.

I am trying to live well by finally going back to school and no longer living for this world to end. I am much happier because of leaving the JW's. But I hae a whole lot of anger for what they do to people, what they have done to me and my family and their arrogance about it all.

How can I take the paper that the JW chapter of my life was written on crumple it up and throw it away without ever taking that paper back out of the trash can and revisting it again?

White Dove

Honestly, it's going to take some time. Weed out any and all poisonous friends and relatives that bring you down and get you angry. Stay away from them as long as you can so you can heal from that. Surround yourself with positive people and your anger should subside considerably with time. For me, I was doing okay until I went to see the family recently. I back tracked a few steps:(

Edit: Also, keep busy in good things in your life, like a hobby and another spiritual path if that interests you. Get busy getting a degree, perhaps. You will then build a support network of real friends and associates that you can fall back on when the JW ones get you down. My coven and college is priceless for this.

Get revenge on them by really succeeding in life. Plan for it well and you WILL succeed!

The Oracle

Loosie, I think you are doing great by going back to school and no longer living for the world to end!

Isn't it a wonderful feeling, when you are walking in a crowded mall, or along a downtown street filled with people, and you can look at everyone in the eye without thinking that God is soon going to be crushing them under the weight of a falling building or killing them in some other horrific fashion?

What a glorious joy it is to be a part of the human family, to truly care for your fellow humans in such a non-judgmental and loving way!

I find it also helpful to think about how small and insignificant the JW movement is in the big picture. They occupy such a tiny part of society, and are made up of so many strange and unsavory characters (even though you can find some really nice people still inside) it really isn't the quality environment you'd want to spend much time in - or expose your children to. When we are in it - we think it is so all-encompassing. We become intimidated by its organized structure of authority where you can "get in trouble" if you break the rules. It is quite laughable when you stop and think about it! How utterly absurd! Laughter is a great healer. My wife and I love to laugh about all the silly things we used to believe, and then we rejoice that we are finally free. Free to spend time doing meaningful activities! Free to better yourself. Free to plan for your children's future and their education. Free to get involved in the community. Play sports. Volunteer at a hospital. Help out at a charity event. Rent a restricted movie, haha.

Admitting you were duped is also an important step! Then you can laugh at it and move on. I certainly don't want to minimize the damage and trauma that can be caused by being involved in the cult, but if you weren't a direct victim of any of the crazy practices - looking back and laughing really does seem to help!

Thought I would share what is working for me...but everyone is different. The main thing is - look to the future and don't dwell too much on the past! Upwards and onward! Positive and happy thoughts - and be thankful that you are out now! I think too many people get too caught up thinking about the past - as years that they wasted. Nothing good can come out of that kind of thinking! Look to the future and smile!

The Oracle

White Dove

That's nice, Oracle!

jwfacts

I have had friends I grew up with that left when they were early 20's and so now are around 40. Some have said it takes about 10 years to overcome the whole Watchtower mentality and stop thinking like a JW. Others say it will never really leave you.

I have not gotten over it, though the anger gets less with time. However, every time I am with JW family or hear about what they are doing the anger rises again. The best way for me is to have as little to do with any family and friends that are JWs. I mourned for them when I left.

WTWizard

First, dumping the witlesses and getting on with your life (going back to school) is a good first step. They are only going to pull you back down if you continue associating with them--this is one case where bad associations really can and do spoil useful habits (when they are trying to force you back into witless mode).

However, that doesn't mean the damage will be gone (it merely limits their opportunities to do new damage). You have had opportunities ruined. They may in fact still be hounding you to go back, or could at any time as per order of the hounder-hounder or some a**hole that will physically drag you back given half a chance. Plus, there are innocent children born into the cancer that are losing their opportunities--while you are going to school, there could be 3 or 4 children that never will go to college because of the witlesses. And it is justified to be mad at them because of that.

Another thing you could do--if you have items in your possession that link back to a time you were a witless--is get rid of them. This time, it is not for demon possession issues. However, you may have a field circus bag that reminds you of when you were a witless or of someone you do not like or that will pull you right back into the cancer. If so, it has to go. You might also have clothing that the witlesses gave you or that you wore frequently while you were a witless. Again, if you feel any kind of link between these items and the witlesses, particularly one that is trying to pull you back to their level, you might get rid of it. Donate it (it might not mean the same thing to its new recipient), throw it away, sell it--and get something you really can use (get good items of good quality) or reduce the clutter in your living place. Chances are good that, if the witlesses gave you something, it has either seen the end of its useful life, or it was crap in the beginning (or both).

dgp

While I am not a JW, I have made enough mistakes in my own life to realize that I have sort of wasted a few years, and I was not duped; I was simply stupid. I don't want to minimize your experiences as JW's, which I probably will never fully understand, but I can offer my own experience as a comparison. The people here have given you great advice: look to the future. Be keen on having a full life from now on. Don't worry if you don't get it right the first time, as that is unavoidably human. Just keep going, and make sure you are happy.

I am glad that you're out. Let me give you my belated welcome.

dinah

Loosie, I don't think it ever really goes away. But as time goes on, you get angry less and less often. I've been out for over 20 years, but reading some of the stories people have shared here still makes me angry. The only difference is that now I don't dwell on it and it passes quickly.

undercover

Different strokes for different folks...

Some people are able to leave it behind and move on fairly easily while others continue to deal with the after effects. Some of this is based on how much family we have still trapped in the cult. The more interaction we have with the JWs on a daily basis directly correlates to how long it takes us to come to terms with it, in my experience (and opinion).

Others have already given good advice... I won't add to that but I will say that sometimes you'll have bad days or bad periods. For the most part, I've pretty much put it behind me...not much anger left as a whole, but at times I regress and dwell on it and get all pissed off again. I'm actually having a bad week this week due to a couple of comments from JW family and it's got me dwelling on it too much and I'm one pissed off ex-JW right now. So I feel your angst. Not sure if that's any comfort but at least you know you're not alone.

Georgiegirl

I just had this problem recently as well.

First thing that helped me was therapy.

Second thing that helped me was learning about the bigger world. Excuse me for being blunt but when you read about women being raped with weapons in the Sudan until they die horrific deaths or are maimed for life or see the pictures of people savagely beaten in Zimbabwe for daring to vote, or learn that the circumcision of little girls in Africa is STILL widespread, or learn about truly destructive cults...well...it kind of puts this into perspective. I'm not minimizing what anyone went through (I was fairly lucky in my JW experience and others not so much) but I AM saying broadening my view instead of focusing inward really helped put everything into perspective.

And third, I decided to use the powers of evil for good ;) in that I realized I am in a completely unique position that billions of people AREN'T in and I wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for being a JW. I am in college and am learning a career that will help me to help others - but from the wonderful perspective of having been there. The way I look at problems and questions and challenges is totally different than anyone else in my classes because of my past. How cool is that? So I guess in a long-winded way, I'm saying I consciously made a choice to re-frame it and look at it differently. It is taking time and therapy, but it's working well.

Dealing with JW anger

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