How Can an Elder Fade Successfully?

tjlibre

I’m working on my exit strategy out of the Watchtower Org. I’ve set my mind to be out by the end of 2010 or mid 2011.

I’d like to avoid getting DF and disassociating my self is also an undesirable option. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready to face the consequences of my action but I want to avoid tension at home with my wife (we have no children yet).

Now, consider my current situation and if you’ve been there please give me your input on how to fade successfully.

I’m a very active elder. Always at the meeting at least 20 min before it starts, report an average 15hr to 25 hr of FS. My wife and I are considered by many an exemplary couple (we have a good marriage). We are very hospitable, at least twice a month we have bro/sis in our home. The only thing that’s holding the CO and the Coordinator (PO) back from giving me more “privileges” is that I’m not a “pioneer” (in all honest, I don’t want more. But you can only imagine the pressure I get to become one).

Another thing is that the other elders in my cong. will not really hunt me down, but if my wife remains active and doesn’t “wake up” I know that from time to time I’ll be getting visits from them. They’ll give up eventually and leave me alone.

So now, how can I fade and avoid the shock effect? (I have an idea, but will appreciate your suggestions).

blondie

You will get response from many on this.

I know that OTWO has faded as an elder and has an active jw wife...check his posts to start with.

willyloman has posted how he faded as an elder.

etc., etc.

The key here is it will probably take a little longer since you are higher on the jw radar.

Moving to another congregation is a possibility since elders have to be reappointed and it could be a good time to say that you need to take a break.

My husband was an elder and it took about 3 years of gradually cutting back on meeting attendance. I took the lead because I was just a lowly woman and of no value. My husband stepped "down" and went for several more months. It was been 9 years and until this year no calls to invite us back. It will probably be another 9 years before it happens again.

yknot

Well you could increase your time at work and than use that as an initial excuse along with the economy......

After decreasing your FS and making your attendance just on par with R&F and later a little less.....you could say that pressures are requiring you to 'stepdown' because your slacked FS and meeting attendance might be 'stumbling' the flock.

During this period you should probably engage a marriage counselor too.

Keep making steps that slowly remove you from the congregation..... you will be seen enough until they become use to you not being seen.

behemot

I was an elder myself (PO at the time). My first step was to resign as an elder, claiming stress, depression etc.

I kept attending meetings for a few months afterwards, then I invited two elders in my home and informed them I was discontinuing my meeting attendance for the time being, that my decision was due to personal reasons that I did not intend to disclose to anybody and that I would appreciate if they just respected my decision without inquiring any further.

It worked out well for me, I successfully faded and, with the exception of the "friendly" occasional visit or phone call, they leave me alone.

Wish you all the best,

Behe

sspo

I was also an elder for over 20 years, very , very active as you are but eventually once i found out about

"the truth" and spoke to my ex about it, she turned me in to the body and eventually she left on "spiritual endangerment".

Continued to go to the meeting, tricked the elders so i would not get DF and moved to a Spanish congr., after 2 months i stopped going

and have not heard from anyone in two years.

You can also play " the depression card ", stress and so on which enables you to slow down in your activities and slowly

fade. The only question, are you able to trick your wife?

tjlibre

Blondie

Thanks for the references. I’m reading some of the posts from OTWO and

SSPO

are you able to trick your wife?

Nope. She knows I’ve been having doubts for a longtime. I made the mistake of wanting laid everything out on the table to her when I realized that I no longer believe in some of the WT doctrines. So, if I pull the “depressed card” she’ll know that I’m faking it.

yknot

I forgot about switching to a foreign-language congregation route !

That would be very timely too considering the recent KM!......

AK - Jeff

There are many good ways to do it. The problem I see is keeping up the pretense after you 'fade'. Who wants to play Jw forever when he/she knows the 'truth about the TRUTH'? Of course you likely wish to bring your wife along in time. But it might pay to give some serious thought to how that might play out. If she never sees through the lies, you will be forever playing along to keep from being DF'd.

You know her better than anyone else, but I would not suggest starting that family until you have clear direction as to what she is going to do when she figures out you are out for good. I would find it very difficult to bring kids up as Jw's [which she obviously will want to do] knowing what you know.

Just something to think about. Wish you well.

Jeff

minimus

As an elder, I faded by using my work as an excuse to leave early or get to meetings late. Since I couldn't (didn't) set a good example in saturday field service, I recommended another elder take over. After a number of months, the elders did make the adjustments. Eventually, I told the BOE that I could not conscientously continue as an elder (I was Secretary and Public Talk Coordinator and regularly used for judicial meetings) because I wasn't giving the duties justice. So they took me off everything but Secretary and asked me to wait till the COs visit, 4 months later. Reluctantly, I agreed , The CO liked me very much and literally cried when he couldn't convince me to stay on. I continued making most every meeting for months until the summertime when most of the Hall tends to go away on vacations. For about 3 months, I just suddenly stopped going and I got a couple of elders who genuinely liked me to come over. They said they really wanted to talk to me. I conversed, kept it light, blamed my work and just never went back!

My wife and daughter were disillusioned by some things. I would stress the silly manmade rules the Organization enforced. Or the lack of caring or the ridiculousness of the Faithful Slave. Within a year and a half, we were all out.

pat1060

Wow,every ones situation is so different.I have really enjoyed some of the experience from some of the x elders that have faded.Cant leave says he just re signed. His story is interesting.This is not an easy thing to do.The control is amazing.It is really hard when people depend on you,good luck to you.

How Can an Elder Fade Successfully?

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