intro/ brief vent (page 2)

terafera

Hi Axel! :)

I'm new here myself. I have found the people here to be extremely non-judgmental and always have welcoming hug for anyone. I could totally relate to your letter. I too, felt like you were ripping out a page of my journal. Weird, isnt it?

What everyone else has said sounds so much better than anything I could put into words, but I just wanted to share with you what I always remembered.
True, going to meetings sometimes gave me a feeling of 'belonging' and a sense of 'family'. But after missing a few meetings and seeing no-one was really concerned, plus a multitude of other actions, I soon saw that it is a false sense of 'family'. Two sisters who I thought of as LITERAL sisters soon had nothing to do with me when I spoke of me being lonely and being attracted to a worldly man. They never called me or anything. Just dropped me like an old hat.

People I thought of as a 'mother' or 'father' type didnt even greet me at assemblies. I am not disfellowshipped.. never baptized. But people I have been raised around have ignored me at meetings and in public. I cannot imagine God wanting people to treat ANY human this way.. especially someone considered a 'brother or sister'.

I do not hate JW's. Far from it... I believe some have good motives and are sincerely trying to do right. But I know of far many more that are quick to point fingers at, gossip, hate, judge and belittle in the name of Jehovah.

It came down to this: I considered going to the Sunday meeting last year, at the nagging of my mother. When I confronted myself and realized the stomach-ache I got everytime I thought about meetings, I had to acknowledge the facts. I didnt want to go back to that lifestyle. I got nothing but non-approval and conditional affection my whole life, and I wasnt about to bring my son up in it.

I thought that if you go into the world you must be a drug taking, boozing, sex freak. I know differently now. I can still be a Christian and not be a JW. I have morals, and live life like I think Jehovah would want me to.

And you know what? I've met more Christ-like people in the 'world' than I have in any Kingdom Hall.

Hope to talk to you again!

Yours,
Tera

dungbeetle

((((( axelspeed and terafera)))))

At least, if you've reached the point where a person of 'responsibilty and priviliges' <gag> <choke> jumps off a bridge, and you don't jump off after them, you've come a loooong way, baby!!!!

welcome to our 'family'.

BITE ME, WATCHTOWER!!!

betweenworlds

Welcome,

((hugs)) Your post brought back so many of the feelings I too had when I first realized that there was something seriously wrong with *Gods* organization. The confusion, the frustration, sadness, guilt so many feelings all rolled up together. I think the psychological term for it is congnitive dissonance? I think it's when subconciously, we KNOW that something is seriously askew, but the pressure from forces outside of ourself are telling us that this is the right and only way. So our subconcious tries to adjust for the inconsistancies that it is finding. It takes a lot of inner strength to get to the point you are reaching, and you shouldn't feel guilty, PLEASE PLEASE don't feel guilty about thinking!!! It's not you that is wrong. Just remember that. The org. is SERIOUSLY flawed, from the top down, and there are so many lives that are being hurt both physically and mentally by the thought process that is imposed on the
rank and file. It is mind control, whether or not they realize it. I highly recommend reading 'Releasing the Bonds' written by Steve Hassan, and both of Ray Franzs books, 'Crisis of Conscience', and 'In Search of Christian Freedom' They have helped me greatly! I also found this quiz to be VERY helpful. * http://www.goldhammer.com/selfquiz.htm

Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing your thought!

betweenworlds

RedhorseWoman

Welcome Axel. Your feelings are not unique, and, in fact, they just confirm the fact that we have all been trained and manipulated by a cult.

As frightening as it may be right now, you CAN have a life outside the BOrg. Perhaps your path might be one of increasing inactivity rather than taking an absolutely decisive step.

Some may consider this approach to be less than honest. I always looked at it as not playing by the rules set up by the WTBTS.

Just take the time you need to decide what is right for you. And, you can always talk to us.

Axelspeed

Deleted response. Will reply later perhaps.

Marilyn

I am always troubled when I read posts like yours. Maybe it reminds me of the turmoil that we waded thru over 20 yrs ago when we thought our way "out". I never feel triumphant when I read posts like yours - I just feel sadness. I hate to see others have to go thru this process - it just seems so hard.

On a positive note - we made the break, in the face of no support, but my husband and I left together. We just knew that something was very wrong. When we were thinking our way out in the late 70's, there was no internet or literature about mind control or critical thinking (that we knew of). We were very much on our own with only our commonsense to guide us. We made the right move, even being honest with the congregation about our loss of faith, and we paid the ultimate price of disfellowshippment, which robbed me of my family. There has been a lot of tears and frustration over the years, and I still feel the stupidity of it all - when I hear of weddings or funerals etc in my family, but all in all, there was no other path for us. There was no turning back once we'd realised the real truth of the matter.

You sound like you have your head screwed on the right way, and I wish you well with what ever course you feel you must take. My advice is to take your time and think about all aspects of your decision making.

Best wishes
Marilyn

ladonna

((((((Axelspeed & Terafera))))))

Welcome, both of you.

The future is not going to be all wine and roses for a while, but by hell, freedom of mind sure beats a mind caged within the walls of a publishing company.

Both of you have made tremendous moves and I for one wish you all the best. Hang around here and make aquaintance with many who have walked the same paths as you are about to embark on.

You are never alone here. Never judged. Never shunned.

Hope to see you in chat,
Ana

precious_lil_1

I'm sitting here in tears. It is so nice to be able to come here and listen to a story that confirms your own realities, trials and stuggles through the life of a JW.
I've pretty much come to the conclusion that if God didn't want us to think for ourselves, he would have created all of us just like the Tin Man.............
Who is to say that we "need" to follow another "mans" word and opinon to be loved in the eyes of God?
I am just glad that I got out when I did. I felt as if I never belonged anyway. I feel what all of you feel in this room.......totally controlled and brainwashed. My best advise, live your life the best way you know how, that is what God gave us that brain for...remember?? Much love and kinship to you all.......

intro/ brief vent

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