New (non Witness) here

by juci32 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • juci32
    juci32

    Hello guys!I am just introducing myself here. I have been visiting this site for about a year but never really posted much but I have really learned and enjoyed the topics on this forum, in fact I think this is the best discussion forum I have yet to come across .

    A little about my situation is I am a non religious person married to a devout Witness, when I met him 4 yrs ago he was out in the "world", never really mentioned his beliefs as we were enjoying life without it. The more we dated the more I realized that something wasn't right. He would drink alot, depression, suicidal thoughts,talked about being destroyed alot and missing his family. I didn't understand when he would try to explain that he couldn't communicate with his fam cause he was dissed(by the way, he has a bro. that was not dissed that he still partied, smoked, drank with that wasn't dissed) That was the first thing that didn't add up to me. His parents shunned HIM for doing the exact same thing his (in good standing) brother was doing. When I asked him how is that his bro gets to talk to his parents but he can't but you guys still party together, He would say, "well the elders don't know about his wrongdoing yet"... I'm scratching my head like "what about what God knows" he just shrugs his shoulders.

    I'm thinkin' in the back of my mind, this is not right.. these people are catering to men not God.....so I brushed it off, we were ok as long as religion was out the picture.

    Well after 2 years of dating we had gotten really attached. Couldn't go a day without being with one another..so we made plans to get married.

    Sooo, he started going back to the Hall and studying, and told me the only way he can "come back to Jehovah" and still be with me was if he married me while he was still out in the "world" so I'm like ok lets get some things clear then:

    I asked him did he know what he was getting into, I will never become a Witness as I don"t agree with some of the doctrines.. he says nonchalantly "thats fine, as long as you don't try to change me, I won"t try to change you"..ok, cool..so we did it. Got married, he sent his letter and was back within weeks afterward..

    Things started to change..... the once silly, always cracking jokes guy went to a very serious always referencing things to the bible type person.. I mean every bad thing that happens he has a scripture to prove Jehovah is right or that we are in the last days.... My thing is, it seems we have been in the last days since the beginning of time. If you read the Bible, all the things thats happening now happened waaaay back then or even worst things happend in the Bible. So, it was never a time when the world wasn't bad! Or don't let some kind of disaster hit, like a tornadoe etc.... he's like "oh see, Jehovah said this was gone happen" etc...He asked me did I want to go see 2012 with him, I DO want to go see it , but not with him cause he's already talking that "yea if you don't wanna be apart of that, come to Jehovahs side stuff." I'm really not trying to hear that everytime something happens. jeesh! lol and on the flip side, when something goes good for a Witness," thats Jehovah blessing his people" but what about when an "evil apostate"or a non Witness experience a blessing? Is Jehovah blessing them as well? My point is, good and bad happens to ALL, I have learned that bad people recieve the same blessings as good people, so THINGS JUST HAPPEN! It's alot of instances I will post later.

    I actually studied the "What Does The Bible Really Teach Book" after his mom suggested I "learn what they believed" I agreed not knowing it was a Bible Study intended to get me to become a Witness. I went on ahead and studied for a lil' over a year and after the book was done I told her that I wasn't interested in continuing, she asked why.. I told her that I wasn't ready and still had some things that I am having a hard time with. She didn't put any pressure on me, in fact she told me that it's good that I am being honest and not just becoming a Witness to please family because it was a lot of those in the Cong. I was like whooa! She admitted that! She was really nice about it.

    My huby on the other hand doesn't understand why I stopped... I told him " I'm not planning on becoming a Witless<--- I like this (lol) so why keep studying"? He didn"t say anything because he knew the deal when we met.

    Altogether we have a great marraige as long as the Religious stuff don"t come up, we have fun together , have a great sex life but when that comes up, it"s a bit tense in the household, so for the sake of peace and happiness I still attend the meetings with him and study the WT. I don't mind it but it's getting to the point now where I see that I may have to stop cause now people are questioning me at the Hall. "Weren't you studying"? What happened? or " Are you in School? My hubby is reaching for more responsibilities (he is DEVOUT) and no amount of info against the ORG will get him to think, so I don"t even try. I still have a pile of paperwork at the job that I printed in hopes that he would read and maybe see what is going on behind the scenes, but he made it clear that he will not feed into that so I will not go there with him since I love him and don"t want to take him away from what he cherishes, plus I would want him to "want " to leave. I don't want to be responsible for him "losing his family" sorta speak, so I leave it be and just hope that we will make it ..we have no children, but he has 2 and an ex wife that are in the truth but not really" in it". They do all the things worldy people do. (shaking head in shame).

    So thats a brief of my story, and I wish I was able to post from my phone but this site won"t enable it :-(

  • bohm
    bohm

    hey!

    I am really sorry to bring you bad news, but you are in for a very tough fight. Some psychologists would say your husband is under influence of what they call 'mind control', ie. he has been manipulated into believing what the witnesses say in a way that makes it very hard for him to escape; he is not really himself. (Some has even described changes in body posure, speech patterns, facial expression (Especially eyes) when that happends).

    I have never been a witness myself and i am just beginning to understand the psychological side, but from the stories i have heard here that is definately the place to begin - if he is as devote as you describe him, you wont go anywhere no matter how good your arguments are. Therefore i would recommend you to read a bit about mind control and what a person can do about it, you might want to start at the 'psychology' section on freeminds.org, otherwise i would recommend you to read the 'canonical' reference, stephen hassans 'releasing the bonds'.

    If you want information for yourself to prove to yourself how it is not gods organization (and be able to win arguments with him), try borrowing 'Crisis of Consciousness' by Raymond Franz or take at look at the excelent info on jwfacts.com. But again, this will properly be of more help to you than to him...

    When i hear your husbands story, especially how he behaved before you got married, i get the impression the roots of his devotion are some underlying problem he has a hard time dealing with? IF that is the case, that might be a key to 'solve' the jw problem.

    Most importantly, listen to the advice the more experienced members here have. The 'best of' section is also a pretty good place to begin.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Hi juci32. Welcome to the forum.

    the sake of peace and happiness I still attend the meetings with him and study the WT

    While you are still doing this, you will be viewed as a potential recruit and they will try to answer any questions you ask. If you want to get any of them thinking, this is the time to do it. You need to be very careful what you ask though. It is not profitable, or fun, to play bible ping pong with any cult member unless you know their guru's beliefs and arguements better than they do.

    As an unbaptised born in, I married an Anglican, converted her, dropped out after Armageddon didn't arrive, let her bring our kids up in the cult, then finally started researching the WT well after our kids had left home. The thing I got right was not getting baptised. That kept some of the shit from hitting the fan.

    Cheers

    Chris

  • AwSnap
    AwSnap

    Oh, good grief....stick around here. I could really understand SO MANY of the things you said. Might I suggest ordering a couple books?.... Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. And Steven Hassan's 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' as well as "Releasing the Bonds"(this one is a bit more expensive but well worth it). I would not tell your hubby of these books just yet...until you read them. They have great advice on ways to ask questions without forcing them to put their guard up. Best wishes....

  • Chalam
    Chalam

    Hi juci32 and welcome!

    Blessings,

    Stephen

  • juci32
    juci32

    Bohm, you are right on about him having a hard time dealing with it. He was dissed 2 times for partying while he was married so thats something he loved to do. He changed alot, I would say for the good (morally) but he is so brainwashed it is ridiculous! So it has it"s good and bads. The mind control is really playing it's part in this, with him, his mom and his dad. They hang on to every little word the FADS spews!

    I know it's a tough fight thats why I took the advice I read on here and just sit back and observe and don"t say nothing! I have alot of info ready to reveal when the time comes, I actually try to drop "nuggets of truth" as you guys say, every now and then. I even got him to admit to me that he can see how people can come to the conclusion that Jesus and Jehovah is the same person, he actually admittesd it AFTER i SHOWED HIM SCRPTURES FROM THEIR BIBLE! He admitted that he can understand how people can believe in Hell . I asked him" so you believe God will destroy sincere ,good hearted people because they may be a little off in their beliefs"? He says yes Jehovah will because they didn't come to the org.! *sighs*!!!! it's tough yall! lol

    Blacksheep, I have already been told this---->you will be viewed as a potential recruit and they will try to answer any questions you ask

    and I see what you guys mean now,another forum told me not to drink from their well if I'm not gonna be a part of it.

    I started going in the beginning of our marraige because he told me it encouraged him and made him feel like I was supporting him to get on the right track so I figured I would continue but he knows I'm not really interested now as he stopped reading the texts and giving me Awakes and WT,also told me I can stop going to the meetings with him but.. I actually get a kick out of some of the things I get to see , all the hypocricy and fakeness just boggles me and reminds why I don not want to be one.Plus it gives me ammunition(sp) when I need to prove a point!

    Trust we used to go toe to toe arguing THEIR Bible and their doctrine and all it did was lead us into 2 days of nontalking which neither one of us likes.

    I have been doing an intense study on their beliefs and I found out alot of stuff that I believe he doesn't even know about, he doesn't wanna hear it either. I have a notebook with alot of scriptures that can be used against them that I keep handy but like you said it's just a neverending convo that always end up with him popping in the WT CD .The last discussion we had was: How the resurrected will not be married.

    I was telling him that people will have a spiritual body not fleshly and we will not be having sex like jack rabbits in Paradise!!! It is actually a script saying that those resurrected will not marry. So he says only those that die before A cannot marry but everyone can. So I ask him..so you mean to tell me if I die before the A comes, get resurrected and reunite with my loved ones, that I can't be with my once husband forever? He says nope!

    It just doesn't add up to me, why would the Bible say we will see our loved ones again but can't be with our spouses if one dies first, so we just will be able to see them but not really be with them again like before?? THats like showing a starving person a plate of food but not giving it too them!Thats bold... He says we'll Jehovah will make it so we won't remember certain things.. blah blah... just too many unexlained holes in their beliefs. How come they just can't be humble and say "well we don't know" instead of trying to put pieces that doesn't fit together?!*venting*

    ok, thanks for letting me vent.

    I have those sites bookmarked on my phone and I have read, jotted alot of things down and learned some deep stuff about the org. Thanks for the book referenses!

  • juci32
    juci32

    Thanks AWsnap! I love you're lil' hand snapping pic... too cute! I haven't bought any Cult books yet, I have tried to read what I can online but am tempted to get COC, thats really popular I see. I NEED question books!I enjoy the questions that requires him to think!

  • elder-schmelder
    elder-schmelder

    I am sorry to tell you but it most might get worse. Mind control is bad stuff. Please read the books on mind control.

    elder-schmelder

  • dgp
    dgp

    Welcome to the forum, juci32. Another non-witness here. I came to this site recently, and have stayed for people like you and I. I also fell for a witness and this is how I got involved here. I don't have a relationship with this person anymore.

    Only like a week or two ago there were two other women in a situation similar to yours: Greenie and Confuzzled. Please read their posts. You can also try Gary Neal's, who had the big advantage that, like me, he is a male.

    I will be sending you some information. Please stick around.

    First things first: BE PATIENT, and DON'T JOIN THE SOCIETY. Listen to me: the only way you can help him is being out.

    I am sure you will need to read a lot before you can feel comfortable with any decision you make. Please, do. You will benefit from that. It might take you many months, like it took me, but it will be worth it.

  • juci32
    juci32

    ElderSmelder, :-( I hope not... I don't wanna loose my marraige due to a cult!

    DGP , thank you for responding, is there a way to exchange email addys? I need any info you can give me. Thanks! I will search for the other posters threads also.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit