Good article! It confirms what I believe about many if not most people (including clergy) in churches today. I don't know what the % is of people in churches that are playing a religious game.
This Barker guy is tipical.
As he carried on a secret life of secular reading, Barker phased out the fire-and-brimstone sermons.
Why would he think he needed to keep his "secular reading" a "secret"? As a believer, except for porno, I read all types of material. I don't feel any shame or have any reason to hide what I read.
"But even then I felt hypocritical, often hearing myself mouth words about which I was no longer sure, but words that the audience wanted to hear."
Dah... I wonder why.
"For my whole life there had been this giant eyeball looking at me, this god, this holy spirit, this church history, and this Bible. And not only everything I did but everything I thought was being judged: Was God pleased?"
These are not the thoughts of a believer, at least the believers I know. Those in works based relationships with God, grow to hate God. This is nothing new, read Martin Luther's life story.
I realized that that wasn't there anymore. It occurred to me, 'I own these thoughts. Nobody knows what I'm thinking right now. There's no fear of hell, no fear of judgment,
Real believers in Christ, don't fear hell or judgment. They are freed from it, by God's grace, not law keeping.
I don't have to be right or wrong, I can just be me.'" It felt as if charges had been dropped for a crime for which he had been falsely accused.
As a believer in Christ I've been pardoned for crimes I know I've committed. I know what I am, and what I've done, and yes "I can just be me".
Jails are full of people that say they have been "falsely accused".
It was exhilarating and frightening all at once. "When you're ready to jump out of an airplane to skydive, you can be terrified but excited at the same time," he says. "There's a point where you go, all right, let's do this."
In many ways this describes the way my salvation makes me feel. However, this guy is denying his guilt, which isn't the same as being freed from it. He was not a believer in grace or the freedom that comes with it, he is a tortured soul, who is trying to rid himself of the same guilt trip he put on others.