The fine art of refusing a Shepherding Call (page 2)

blondie

Elders almost always drop by without calling first.

Blondie: Oh, this is not a good time. Too bad you didn't show good manners and call first. I'll let you know when it is a good time. I have your phone number.

Elders..........

Blondie: Good bye now

My group overseer keeps backing out of his appointments to come for it. It's non-urgent until a week before the CO comes. Then there is a mass rush to get it done. Then when the servant he was gonna bring couldn't do it he says well we'll have to do it later.

He scheduled in April before the CO came and then he backed out, he said we'll do it next month.

Didn't hear anything until October when CO was coming again. Made the appointment then called the day before and said "can't do it".

Now he rescheduled again and he calls and says "well i'm going on vacation next week, and "MS" was feeling ill a week back. I don't want to take any chances even though he's feeling better. I'm really sorry about this, we'll have to reschedule. We'll make sure and get this done soon."

Usually it's the pubs trying to avoid the elders. I think he doesn't much wanna do it.

OnTheWayOut

Back in the day, some members told me and the other elder I approached them with, "A shepherding call? Why? We didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh, no. Shepherding calls are for encouragement. You didn't do anything wrong."

"No, we're okay. Thanks."

You being an elder (or soon-to-be-former elder), that "No, we're okay- Thanks" might be a bit short.
Try "We have our family study, I know how to use the Watchtower Library. We'll call you if we have anything to discuss."

No matter what you say, you might get objections, so don't say much. Stick with "No thanks" after your short excuse.

Found Sheep

I refused just plainly said "I"d rather not"

steve2

Say with real earnestness:

"Why can't you follow the example of most elders I know and be way too busy to call on poor little insignificant old me?"

chickpea

my response to my husband telling me the PO and the BS conductor
wanted to get together with us and our then mid-teen daughter....

"if all they have to say is read the happy family book, no thanks"

never heard from them again!! my daughter is now 21!

teel

My wife brought a message from the elders that they want to meet with me, and they already given a date. It was also my wife that carried back the message to them: "No, thanks, I will not meet with you." That was almost a month ago, they only said "Ok, well if you need to talk about anything, call us" and never heard anything of them. I guess it was pretty easy that way.

My wife did mention some things, she didn't go into detail, about the elders saying that my status with the organization is like a marriage, if it doesn't work out we need to discuss our relationship - I guess they were trying to get to the point that either I go back or DF for me. I just said to my wife: right, if we're married, consider this as a separation. The org invokes 3 reasons for a non-divorce separation: not providing materially, hurting physically, and hindering worship. I can't say the org did anything against my material wellfare, but the other two reasons are there: they did hurt me more than one way, and they did hinder me in worshipping God as told by the Bible. I have more than enough reason for separation.

penny2

I also said "no". The PO approached me at a meeting and asked if I would like him to visit along with the CO. It took me by surprise and I just said straight out "no". He accepted that and the visit didn't happen.

Another approach is to accept the offer of a shepherding call but when suggestions are made for a time, say you have a prior appointment or you'll be working or just not home at that time. Or make an appointment and then cancel the day before, saying something has come up.

All that does is stall though. They will catch up with you eventually. Especially open mind, because you are an elder.

BlackSwan of Memphis

Hey there OM. Long time no see :)

I let them come.

It was really awkward. They asked the usual questions, I evaded them as best as I could.

If you stay in the area, and don't move, it's probably going to be a long time hun. One of those things where it just takes time.

Damn, I didn't realize you are still fading!!! Been thinking about you much lately.

hugs to you

AdaMakawee

I've been out for a long time, but I won't forget the "shepherding" call I got from the fine brothers in Kennewick East congregation in Washington State. They came to my door one morning acting all concerned about me, so I told them what my experience was with the gossiping and how far up the elder chain (not just sisters) it extended. He looked at me and said (I shit you not): "How long will you roll around in your vomit?" The other so called brother looked at him and his jaw dropped. He said to me, "I was not here when this happened, and it is not ok. You have my apology for the way you were treated." I thanked him and they left.

Never saw them again, but I moved shortly there after, first to another territory, then across the state, and now to a different state. Its been almost 20 years.

Ada

The fine art of refusing a Shepherding Call