Been out for 10 years now, disciplined back in 1999. Told the Elders I didn't think the WTS had the truth and I needed to go out into the world and look for it to be sure. Since I was baptised at age 19, I felt I had not considered enough options and there were too many questions the WTS (God's spirit directed organization,) couldn't seem to answer. So I was disfellowshipped at my own request. Yes, I asked them to do so and they were happy to oblige.
Went out, got involved in Paganism, Buddhism, you name it, I probably studied or participated in it. Found no hope in the world or at least nothing comparable to what i thought the WTS offered.
Went back, started partaking at the memorial (though still disfellowshipped) and found my spine. Started investigating the WTS' past history, old light, looked into sites such as e-watchman, this one and many others, connected the dots.
Now I enjoy a very healthy relationship with God and his Son. I have quality friends who ask about me when they do not hear from me. People older than me often seek my advice.
It feels good to be wanted for something other than my field service report.
Of course I gain a lil bit of wicked glee by going to the Memorial and partaking of the emblems (not because of the way JW's view the heavenly calling) but because I believe everyone has the potential for a heavenly life. Many are called but few are chosen. Which means to me, that of the ones called who are not chosen for heaven are still eligible for life on a cleansed earth.
So they may think I partake because I consider myself called as one of the 144k, but in reality it's because Jesus commanded ALL his followers to celebrate his death in this way and the JW's have twisted this celebration into a "look at me" contest. Kinda like a spiritual beauty pageant.
I communicate with other XJW's and try to help them by sharing my knowledge and experience.
We have all been given a gift, experience, which came with a heavy price. But I do not want to be like the man who buried his master's wealth in the field and had nothing to offer when he returned. It might not be five-fold, but it won't be nothing either.
Also I once left my entire family behind for JW's. Jesus said that his words would alienate brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, children: entire families. Which is an oft-qouted reason JW's give as proof of their religion. Now I have gone the opposite way and lost my JW family for Jesus' truth. If it was worth it before, how can it not be worth it again?
