I need your opinion, helping a love one see the “light”

by tjlibre 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  dgp

  I am here to get my ammo and try to do the same thing: get someone out of the Watchtower. I have several books, and have been reading from sites like this one from months, and have come to understand that, right from the start, you need to realize that most likely you won't be successful. Then, you have to really ask yourself whether you could afford to lose contact with this person, which is one of the likely outcomes. Then you have to be extremely patient, and have a strategy in place. It can take years; this is not a mere presenting them with the facts and they will understand. NO, THAT DOESN'T WORK. I suggest you get yourself "Releasing the Bonds" and "Combatting Mind Control". I am not even started with them yet, as I am only finishing "In Search of Christian Freedom". You have the great advantage that you know the JW mindset, while I don't, and sometimes I ask people stupid questions about what a JW would do or not do.

  Go easy.
• 

  tjlibre

  Thank you all for your comments. I have read some of the threads dealing with how to help a loved one see the “truth about the truth”.

  I understand that a forceful/”in your face” type of approach is not productive.

  I guess the question really is, where and how should you start showing a person that the WT is not that it says it is. What is the best way to start a small conversation on this subject (the WT as chosen by God in 1919), not so much getting into the doctrinal mess, but more on the surface. Give that person a taste to ask, seek answers, comeback to me for more, etc.
• 

  drew sagan

  Because you have been a part of the Watchtower system, JW family and friends have certain expectations in regards to you opinions and actions. Functioning outside of this expected norm can trigger all sorts of unpleasent confrontations.

  So how to do you help your loved ones? It depends upon who they are, and the circumstances that bind you. A married person trying to help there spouse has the ability to go especially slow and gain advantage from a strong personal relationship. If you want to talk with family the question comes up, how often do you see them? Is this a daily thing, or are the located far away. Will they accept you as a non-jw, and continue to speak with you after you have left the movement? I can point you to a lot of threads where ex-jws relate on this board the frustrating experience of just "planting a few seeds" with a JW loved one.

  More than anything, take your time. If you come off as "apostate" then trust will be lost and your hopes are over.
• 

  OUTLAW

  The moment you even appear to be negative about the WBT$..

  The conversation will be over..

  Case Closed..

  ..................... ...OUTLAW
• 

  Mickey mouse

  Patience and time, as Drew Sagan says. That's what worked for us.
• 

  jwfacts

  Everything you have stated are excellent lines of reasoning. But remember that beliefs are very hard to change, even more so for JWs due to the indoctrinated and large potential losses of admitting it is not the truth.

  As others have stated, you need to find out why they believe it is the truth, why they enjoy being JWs, and what areas they do question or are concerned about. After that you can then chip away at those areas.
• 

  AwSnap

  Can you give a good example of "chipping away at those areas" as jwfacts just said? I've been going through something similar, and hear 2 different things: "Don't argue the Bible with them" and "Don't argue the Doctrine"...but then I've also seen exactly the opposite opinion. Can you list some examples? Like, if they say "I love the truth for the fellowship", or "I love the truth for the structure, love, having similar beliefs with people, etc"... Where would you go with that?
• 

  rebel8

  Staying in the jw religion isn't about facts.....if it was, no one would stay in....the doctrinal contradictions and scandals are so blatant.

  So sharing facts isn't the way to help (most people) to leave.

  There is an emotional process of healing that most people go through in order to free themselves from mental bindings.

  Understanding that process and encouraging it is the way to go, IMHO.