Do you ever actually tell your family you're not coming back? What do I do? (page 2)

beccibooboo

you r so lucky youre not dfed i did it with strong jw family got reinstated for them it made no difference

try and explain it to ur bf if he loves u hell understand tho prob think its weird as most people do but dont kep it to yourself!

hugs x

The Oracle

Rule #1 - Show them genuine kindness and love.

The best case scenario for you of course, would be for them to enjoy an awakening like you have had - but as you no doubt realize it is more difficult the older you get. Wouldn't that be wonderful though!

Imagine having parents that you could truly draw close to with no fear of them recoiling and drawing away from you because of the influences of a mind control cult!

Never give up hope for this!

In the meantime, see Rule #1. And where you can, give me them something to think about that could lead to their eventual awakening. You don't need to hit them over the head with anything, just a gentle question or comment here and there is sometimes all it takes to get the wheels in the brain spinning in the right direction.

Good luck!

The Oracle

dinah

Telling them you are never coming back will probably make them tell the elders about you.

Great to see you, Stilla!

truthseekeriam

Stillawitness.... It's tough ..I know. My mom just sent me pictures of my baptism to remind me of ??? Not sure what, because when I looked at them I seen a young naive girl who had no idea what she was getting herself into.

It's a tough place to be in because we love them and don't want to hurt them but when they do things like what you mother did to you and mine did to me it puts us in a sad place and it brings up so much hurt and if you like me, we take it.

My thing is I don't want to hurt them, I know they are happy in the Org and I'm totally miserable in it, for many reasons.

Like yourself, I'm in the same place. Do you let them know exactly what you think and risk being D'fed or do you continue to take what they throw at you?

For me I'll take it for now.

OnTheWayOut

The best response is: "I love you, mom!"

That was the best post.

"Are you ever going back to the hall?"

"I love you, mom!"

"Do you still think it's the truth?"

"I love you, mom!"

twinkle toes

I had a pioneer sister ask me if I consider myself or if my friends and aquaintances outside the cong. still consider me a witness. (I have been faded for a least six years.) She said that she had been told by the Circuit overseer that If an inactive person is not considered to be a witness by the general public then they would not be dealt with in a congregational manner. He told her that such a person would be considered worldly. This is a very diligent sister and I know she would have reported my answer to the "authorities".

If this is true then it would explain why no one is hunting me down. I think the key is to keep your distance from congregation members and if pressed to say you don't think anyone you know thinks of you as a witness. It's all about public perception. With your mom it is the same thing, avoiding all spiritual talk is key. Focus on family issues.

Also, as a fun note. I had the same feelings as you in wanting to know my parents better. I wrote up a bunch of questions and interviewed them. It was really fun. I wrote down their answers for myself and just let them talk. They really opened up about a lot of their youth and experiences.

mamochan13

I've told my mom that I'm not ever coming back. But my situation is perhaps easier because I've been out so long that I don't think there's any danger of being DFd for apostasy. In telling her I was not coming back, my hope was that she would ease up on the constant pressure to return to meetings, etc. and maybe be more accepting of developing a relationship with me and my daughters based on who we are now, not on who she would like us to be.

Unfortunately, she really never will give up. We got "deeply hurt" emails from her when we put up a political sign on the lawn. The grandkids were all excited and talking about costumes for Halloween, so we got "deeply concerned" emails from her begging us not to give our children to Satan. Now she's starting in on the grandchildren - they always come home from visits full of JW "facts".

However, I think it's important to remember that for JWs, particularly for parents who love you, they will never accept that you are not coming back. They will always hold out hope and they will never give up trying to get you back. I try to see things from my mom's perspective because I know that in her eyes my daughters and I are doomed to death. She wants so very much that we will be there in her "new system" living forever with her and she truly believes that every problem we have would be solved if we returned.

My being firm on the "never coming back" has helped a bit, I think, in that we have some ground rules for our new and slowly redeveloping relationship. I also try to avoid any lengthy debates on the why or wherefores. Not only does it make no difference in her view, I don't like to give her any opportunities to "count time" for debating with me. My line is "We no longer believe what you believe but we are still good, moral people worthy of your love and respect". "We are active in our community and we are trying to make a difference in the world because we believe there is far more good out there than evil."

I've found that I also have to be very careful to never open the door even a tiny bit. She begged us to come to this year's big convention. My daughters and I talked about whether we should go to a session to maybe make her happy, or perhaps just out of curiosity. But we came to the conclusion that attending even one meeting would open the floodgates. My mother would start believing that it was just the first step and that we were all on the road to return, and then she would start to bombard us again with propaganda. So, no. We all have to stand firm and never give her even the smallest hope that we might change our minds.

cantleave

stillAwitness, I have just been reading your historic posts. Congratualtions on a successful fade!

Your parents our concerned for your "spirituality" and Salvation. Their expressions of concern about meeting attendance etc. are due to the fact they love you and want you to survive Armageddon. Until they see the light (if they ever do) they will always try to encourage you to come back. Yes, it's annoying, upsetting and frustrating, but you aint going to stop it. You can tell them until you atre blue in the face that you are NEVER coming, back but they will cling to hope. I would just continue with the appraoch you have taken so far, not many on this board in you circumstances can say that they have a great relationship with their JW parents, for you to have that is something precious, don't jeapordise it.

blondie

*** w93 7/15 p. 27 Tenderly Shepherding Jehovah’s Precious Sheep ***Jesus gave an illustration about a man who had a hundred sheep but promptly searched for one that had strayed in order to bring it back to the flock. (Matthew 18:12-14; Luke 15:3-7)In like manner an overseer should have concern for each member of the congregation. Inactivity in the ministry or in attending Christian meetings does not mean that the sheep is no longer part of the flock. He remains part of "all the flock" for whom the elders must "render an account" to Jehovah

treadnh2o

I told mine I was not coming back (something to do with liquid courage).

Big mistake. It just creates more contention.

Also, if you tell them you are not coming back they will not believe you. You will hear how Jehovah can read hearts, the prodigal son, yada,yada,yada.

Just let them think what they want.

Being inactive in their minds is better than being Da'd or Df'd.

I am sure there is no difference in your mind.

Do you ever actually tell your family you're not coming back? What do I do?

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