help me please (page 3)

mouthy

Have her over and let her stay overnight at your house but you and your wife go to your grown childrens' house for dinner as you planned and your mother can stay at yours and watch the TV!

I think the above is good advice

She is asking too much, but I understand your even considering a way to "work it out" that she can visit.
How about the tiniest compromise? You will not promise anything for anyone else, but you can say that you already had plans with other family to visit and have dinner that day. She is welcome to spend the night, she is welcome to join you for dinner, she is welcome to stay in the house or even leave for the evening instead of joining you. If she joins the group, you personally will promise not to try to embarass her by calling any attention to her religious beliefs and you will speak to family about the same, but you cannot promise not to "celebrate Christmas" in front of her.

I say that, assuming that you are just spending the day with family. If they are so far that you have to spend the night elsewhere in order to visit your adult children, then you just have to tell her that your plans are already laid in. Another option is "Join us or we can help you find a hotel nearby so we can see you." She's family despite her huge absence in your life. Give her the Xmas gift of paying for one night's lodging in a nice hotel. Just don't call it a Xmas gift.

I wouldn't automatically dismiss some kind of compromise, as she will use this to say she reached out and you dissed her. But I wouldn't go too far to accomodate her, as it is unreasonable to ask for such. She is family, you do want to see her. Try to see her without too much drama about it. We highly recommend reading Steve Hassan's books about helping people out of the dangerous mind-control cult, but sometimes we get a bit offended at our cult-member family members for acting like they are members of a cult. Slight compromise or shelling out of money to help them out is reasonable.

Quandry

Oh, my. Mom wants to come but KNOWS it is Christmas for you and for your family. I liked this suggestion:

Go buy her a something and then tell her it is your custom to exchange gifts and hers us waiting under the tree. That should take care of it!

Also, yes, she could go to dinner with you or not-she could stay at your house by herself in the guest room, eating a sandwich. I'll bet she will agree to go see the kids with you when all is said and done.

As for the decorations-I'd leave them where they are. When she arrives, tell her then that they stay. I'll bet she won't want to go to a motel at night alone. Or-she could call the local congregation and ask for someone to put her up-bet that won't go far!!

The Almighty Homer

She wants to impose her beliefs on to you which is wrong on so many levels, I'd tell her to not come

during the holidays since your celebrating might make her feel out of place and uncomfortable.

Tell her to come over after the holidays that would be better for both you and her.

Be Firm !

I quit!

I can't believe the nerve of some JWs. She should just visit at another time instead of trying to ruin your celebration with her Grinch like beliefs. I think she is trying to make a point by ruining your day. A lot of JWs need it pointed out to them that if they want others to respect what they believe then they need to show some respect for other people's beliefs.

pat1060

Moms sure have a lot of nerve,

tenyearsafter

Hi Recovering,

The fact you are DF'ed makes what you are saying even more troubling. If she is a staunch JW, she shouldn't even consider staying in the home of a DF'ed person. Since she doesn't seem to have a problem with breaking her integrity to get a free place to stay, then I think you need to stick to your guns and tell her she is welcome to stay with you but not welcome to make conditions for that stay. If the shoe were on the other foot, would she remove WT literature and stay home from meetings as a condition to your visiting and staying with her?

Just my two cents worth...

TYA

HappyGuy

I dont know. My mother is a JW and she would NEVER say such a thing to her children.

I think you say "mom, we would love to have you but as you know we have our religious beliefs and just like we would never ask you to put aside your religious beliefs we ask that you not ask us to put our religious beliefs aside".

mrsjones5

My parents have visited my family during the holiday and we have never stopped what was going on to appease their sensibilities. One time they came to stay during Halloween and you better believe that my kids still dressed up and went out trick-or-treating. My husband was never a jw or had anything to do with the bOrg and I am a born-in but I never got baptised.

Your mother has control issues and you don't have to accommodate her but there can be a compromise that has been suggested - she can come another day. I have a feeling she won't like it and will push for the 25th, push back - you have your own family to think about.

crapola

Stick to your original plans. It's your house and your life. If she can't understand that, then she can visit another time.

help me please