Is there a way of saying to my family.... (page 2)

ninja

be gracious .......and take the goodies.............or maybe it's just me being scottish....he he

cantleave

BTW - Congrats on your 39th anniversary.

ninja

happy anniversary to you and your better half wobbly dude.....and jonesy and hubby too

OnTheWayOut

p.s I do not want to sour relations with my family, just bring an end to this ridiculous ,false, gift giving.

I hear ya, but you have to understand family. We do things because we are supposed to do them. We don't want to take that away.
If someone almost entirely shuns family, but has contact on holidays, birthdays, or even just funerals and weddings, THAT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING. I am not saying that family that shuns deserves normal contact at events, but what I am saying is that we want a sense of belonging and if that's the only sense they have, let them belong to your clan long enough to give a token gift. It wasn't meaningless when they bought it or wrapped it or signed their name to a card or sticker on it.

I have half-siblings that I hardly know because they are young enough to be my own children, and I just came to the point last year where I could openly exchange Xmas gifts with family. I gave them some of the cheesiest nothing gifts- t shirts that were on sale at Steve and Barry's before they went out of business. The half-siblings recognized that I was thinking of them when I hand-picked the shirts. They knew that it took alot for me to come out of the cult and do a pseudo-religious holiday gift exchange. They were thrilled with their gifts. I was thrilled with theirs- a bit better than mine. I don't have to know them well to try to have a sense of clan belonging. We are family.

Isn't the point of a fade to have something to do with family? Otherwise, we could just speak up and give them a reason to shun us. I don't say that people should automatically decide not to speak their mind, but if you went to the bother of fading, maybe you want even their minimal contact. Maybe their giving of lame or token gifts is a way for them to reach out away from the superDub world. Help them out- return the favor in kind on their anniversary or whatever.

yknot

You don't want the presents........

Okie-dokie.....

Perhaps tell relatives that in lieu of gifts yall are asking for donations to be made to XXXX charity or scholarship fund.

OR

Tell them ahead of time that yall have decided have a romantic weekend instead of a 'get-together' this year........

OR

On a passing conversation say 'nah' we really don't want any gifts.......

xeracia

Wobble, I totally agree with your way of thinking. Course my family completely ignores our anniversary (we just celebrated our 13th last week). And congrats to you and your wife! But I hate the family gatherings that come around ever so often where I only know half of them but everyone pretends to be the closest ever! And I still have to walk around and say 'and who are you again and how am I related to you?'. I hate the fakeness of it all. So I can relate. But...as the others have said, this is your families way of trying to stay in touch and let you know they do love you, even if it is just once a year. You kinda do have to just grin and bare it...then return the gifts to the store the next day ;)

Although yknot did have a good idea of saying you guys wanted to go out of town that weekend. That might work if you wanted to get out of it, and ask them to make donations in your name instead.

From what you said I expect their favourite charity will be the worldwide pedophile cover up fund, please please please don't suggest that.

Is there a way of saying to my family....

ninja

cantleave

ninja

ninja

OnTheWayOut

yknot

xeracia

Finally-Free

VoidEater

cantleave

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