Need your feedback please! Relationship question.

by MisfitMeL 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • MisfitMeL
    MisfitMeL

    @ On the way out : I think you are right in that he must be worried about being 'responsible' for me since certain things that he said sounded quite along those lines. I don't think I can currently afford counselling as I am looking for work but I have not felt suicidal for about 3 years now. I also have a small network of friends, and sites like this that I regularly go to, and the encouragement and positive reinforcement from friends and concerned ones gives me the motivation to keep myself going even though I do have setbacks.

    @ sacolton : We have been together for over 2.5 years in the UK, but I had to move away for personal reasons but the plan is for us to be together in the near future and this is just a temporary thing.

    @ yknot : Yes I took the abruptness as very hurtful and worrying as I thought he would be a bit more supportive. I mean he has been in the past when I have been a bit down etc, but maybe such a major revelation scares him. I am hoping that my lengthy email will clear up any misunderstandings in our conversation and we can come to some sort of mature discussion and compromise. I do have to really push myself to be out and about when I am low, but I have been talking to friends and will make an effort to meet up a pal for lunch tomorrow etc. Thanks for the hugs btw! :D

    @ PSacramento : You are right, no one can be our crutch and our happiness shouldn't be defined by other people. It's very hard to remember that when you are feeling really low but I try to remind myself of that and it's good to hear/read it from other people too!

  • HappyGuy
    HappyGuy

    MisfitMel,

    Hi, I can sympathize. My disorder was not depression, although the symptoms were very similar to manic depression. REALLY high highs, followed by REALLY low lows. I was also kind of crazy, hard to explain.

    Turns out I had vasculur dementia. I found that out because of the girl that I was seeing who I later married.

    So, let me tell you about her. We met when she was living several states away from me, we talked on the phone a lot. She knew something was wrong with me, but she figured that love would take care of it. I got REALLY bad and she was on the next plane to me to take care of me.

    No matter what was going on with me she was always there and always ready to apply liberal amounts of love. Trust me, I said a lot of REALLY crazy things during this time.

    She was the one that took me to the clinic where they properly diagnosed my condition.

    My point is, not that I expect your boyfriend to get on a plane, but if he really loves you then he will apply love to help you and wouldnt be doing all this stupidity just because you have issues.

  • MisfitMeL
    MisfitMeL

    That's a good point Happy Guy... I guess there are a lot of serious questions underlying this incident :(

  • VoidEater
    VoidEater

    But better to start seeing serious questions now rather than oh, say, after the wedding!

    Sorry, I don't mean to miake light of the situation. TBH, my first great love did not work out, precisely due to "commitment" concerns. But, obviously my next great love has been a long term commitment.

    And who knows - it may just be that his Internet is down...

  • deemoo
    deemoo

    Hey MisfitMel!

    You're in India! If you're around Delhi or Chennai, I have a cousin & a friend.. both girls... there who have both dealt with depression and can be just friends/company in a new country (if it is so)

    About the boyfriend... just give him some time to think things through. A lot of people don't understand it and ask why we can't just "think happy thoughts" or "focus on the good things". Your boyfriend may or may not be so, but giving him some resources about depression might help him. Beyond Blue is a pretty good website, I've found.

    The abruptness might just be due to the suddenness of all this information about something he doesn't know too much about. Hearing that you have had suicidal thoughts before, when a he simply cannot see it in the wonderful person he is with now, may have shocked and worried him. He'll be wondering what else he doesn't know about you, and if he's with a whole different person.

    Give him some time to figure things through. Try not to email him constantly and ask what he's thinking because guys tend to like space. It's really hard, I know... but just try :D

    I can't believe I'm dishing out advice like this! But hey, I've been through this exact phase :)

    If he's worth it, he'll stick by you and try to find out more... and support you even if he doesn't understand. You aren't that person anymore, but it is a part of your past and he'll be able to accept that with some thinking.

    Take care! Enjoy the mad, mad country that India is!

    Oh, and PM me if you want to chit-chat privately.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    I don't think I can currently afford counselling as I am looking for work but.....

    I am a realist. I understand that many don't go to counseling for money reasons.
    Self-help through various methods is probably better anyway. It's just that some may misguide themself.
    I just passed my thoughts on to make the point that your BF might see it that way, even more than me.
    Everything you said after "but" was helpful. Keep doing what you can to have a better attitude.

    But... if you do feel like hurting yourself or others, go to the emergency room.

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