Totally Busted and Scared!!!!!!

2pink

my husband and i have been fading/disappearing for a few months now. we haven't been to meetings in quite some time, but most of our family members live out of the area, so they don't know yet.

so with the spirit of joy that comes from newly exiting a doomsday cult, we have been celebrating all the holidays as well as my 5 year old's birthday (she turned 5 on december 2). we have a birthday party planned for her next weekend. our biggest reason (among the MANY) for leaving the JWs was for our kids. we want them to live normal lives and grow up not even knowing what it's like to be a part of that religion. we want them to live life to the fullest, and we feel that in part, includes all the holidays etc so once we decided we were out, we jumped right into real life.

anyway.....

so today i get a FB message from one of my hardcore JW cousins asking if we had a big birthday party for my daughter. i really don't know how she found out, but somehow, she did. this is a person who will call the elders immediately, then call all our family members right after that.

this is going to be where it gets really ugly, isn't it? i knew this was coming and would be a part of the exit, but i've been dreading it. it's going to be very painful because there are members of my family that i am very very close to.

well, thanks for listening. any advice or thoughts welcome.

HappyGuy

I don't know what FB means but is this JW cousin someone who is regularly showing interest in you or did this "question" just come out of the blue and the person doesn't normally care about knowing what you are doing?

If this cousin just dropped this question on you after a long period of absence I would say "thank you for being concerned bout us after the total silence for the last _________ years, but I'm not sure how that is any of your concern".

This isn't court, you are not under oath, you dont owe anyone an explanation for anything.

cantleave

Can you deny it? Tell them not to listen to malicious gossip?

White Dove

Your daughter's bd party is scheduled for NEXT weekend. It hasn't happened, yet. So, you would not be lying if you said that you didn't have one for her. You haven't! Deny deny deny.

Do you believe that they have the right to your personal decision making information? No? Then pull out all the stops on THEOCRATIC WARFARE! YAY!

I'd say that you are safe, but you might want to get stern with your family members that they have no right to meddle in your personal affairs, and to show such distrust in you is just horrible.

How can you trust them when they can't trust you and want to turn you in? How can there be family love if there is distrust present?

Are they trying to break up the family by causing dissention? Jehovah would not be pleased with such a person.

I'd say all that with a broken hearted and disappointed voice that makes her take a long guilt trip.

2pink

FB=facebook

this cousin and i talk maybe once a month or so.

i could lie and deny it, yes. but isn't that just putting off the inevitable!? at some point, i am going to have to come clean bcs i have little kids, like i mentioned and i don't want them to have to keep any secrets from any relatives or friends. it has to come out...i guess there is just never a good time or way, is there?

brainwashed-from-birth

2pink I dont think you should lie or hide anymore. I know it is so hard. You probably will find out who really loves you, and who puts conditions on your relationship. But you will look more strong for your children if you stand up for what you believe in. They are the ones that really matter. Can you imagine leaving your children for a religion? Im sure not. Hopefully your JW family will feel the same as you. But in the end, you and your kids are what matter. People are going to do what they want to do, but don't let them control you.

BE PROUD TO SAY

I AM NO LONGER ONE OF JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES....GET OVER IT.

brainwashed-from-birth

And again how are these "hardcore JW's" on Facebook? That is networking page for the world to communicate. Why would they be interested?

OnTheWayOut

It will be impossible or nearly so with little kids in the picture. You cannot expect them to keep a confidence on something as silly as not telling family about holidays and birthdays because they might shun you. It's way too much for a little one to even start to understand. My mother studied secretly with my brother, sister, and me. My brother, 7, couldn't keep the secret. It was too much to ask.

Don't bother addressing the bday question. Just blow it off, ignore it. If you cannot do that, try "Why do you ask?" Maybe they won't turn you in.

I just say that so you can do these things on your own terms. But your attitute is right to let the kids be kids and enjoy.

IwateBuddy

I suppose she didn't "find out" as you suppose. It sounds like she is fishing. She knows you've been fading and she knows your daughter has a birthday coming up so she put 2 and 2 together and sends you a probing FB message. Bingo!

I would say take the bull by the horns and send everyone you care about a positive, upbeat letter explaining what you are doing and why. If you wait for them to take action it puts you on the defensive and it will be hard to be positive. Take action first and make them look bad.

Good luck.

Dagney

I probably would not answer the FB question, I don't like to put anything in writing that could adversely affect my family, that is the priority.

The loss and separation of family and friends is really awful, and no good way around it. I would keep my focus on your children and what you want for their lives and your own. It makes the choices clear, though not easy.

Best and strength for the journey.

Totally Busted and Scared!!!!!!

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