My mom called and I found out one of my elders just got DFed.
I started out with three elders at the West Hall and moved to a new congregation, the South Hall (really an old one from when I was 16 and younger) while I was publicly reproved for the first time. My mom decided it would be best for me and my sister to have friends our age locally to hang out with. Well we did the move and I hated the Hall even more because I thought the friends their were cool and would be supportive but found it to be even more stuck up then the other hall. They were my age too and it was like they didn't even care to talk to me. Well I continued to hang out with the friends that got me into trouble and I told the Elder's from the South Hall what had happened. (Changing Names to keep sorta anominous) With alot of pain, Jake feeling sorry for me, Aaron feeling of shock and confussion, and Davison feeling no pitty for me I was DFed. Well bout five month I found out Jake stepped down from Elder position. It made me sad cause he was the only one I felt comfortable to ask how I should act toward others and if I should write a letter to get back in and who I refer it to the elders or the society. Now I couldn't ask him at all.
One time I went up to Davison cause he was closet to the back and asked him for the KM and his reaction was so mean!! OMG the meanest I ever was treated!! He said "NO YOU ARE DISFELLOWSHIPPED AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK TO ME." I swallowed my frog and spoke softly "Um ok.. I'm so sorry.. no disrespect..."
I was hesitant to ask agian but I did (grandma asked me too so I had to at least say I tried) "Um... so I'm not allowed to have a KM"
I felt like a jack ass standing there, everyone was sitting down for the start of the meeting and I could feel their eyes on my back. He shook his head and didn't even look at me. He had a red face like he was going to explode at me. And his shoulders were back like he was a god. I just felt so hummiliated. I hid my face cause I knew I was going to cry and sat down quietly. I know this sound insane but I remember digging my fingernails in my arm until blood was running down it. I needed something extreme to focus on.
Months went by and I had two elders. I was reinstated after a year of torcher.
I thought I would be so happy and I was for only that first night back when they anouced my name. Then it went back into nobody wanted to hang with me or even really chat with me at the hall or small assembly. I was suffering again feeling low and unhappy. So I hung out with my old friends again and my new ones I made from a near by big city. Their was DF friends I found at parties I went to when I was DF. A married couple just got reinstated when I did. Well they weren't all that innocent and kinda lived a double life, but they supported me when I was alone and obviously got reinstated myself. Well because I was single and the wife wanted to go out and party I got into trouble with her.
I keep quiet for five months and just seemed like sence I messed up that once and even the day I got reinstated, it was happening more and more as time went on. Finally my big mouth caught up with me. I couldn't keep secrets very well anyways if they were my own. I could keep others though. So I told what I did to a good friend that was studying with one of my elder's wife (Davison's wife). Bad Idea. She gave anough evidance to the wife that the wife told her husband, my freakin elder. ...And the torcher begins.
So I hear a phone call, this is six months after just getting reinstated. It was Aaron. (sigh) He asked for me to meet with them for a meeting. I went to the meeting and it was ugly. My elders were Aar
