I've pulled the pin half way out then pushed it back in.
Somedays I get so angry with the injustice and lies of the WT I just want to shout it out to them how I feel.
I have family who are in so I must restrain myself for them.
Faders, How Often Do You/Did you Want to Pull the Pin on that Grenade?
by OnTheWayOut 29 Replies latest jw friends
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tjlibre
TJ Libre made some comments during the WT’s study. Took a slight risk, thinking that no one will REALLY notice…well, it turned out that someone did notice (the coordinator) and was visibly very uncomfortable with my comments, I found this out though a fellow who is oblivious to my “non-slave/GB worshiping” or should I say…apostate ways.
Wife found me talking to myself shouting in Spanish… “No podran con migo”. In English is the same as “they can’t take me down that easy”. Got a little paranoid, and felt like what da heck….
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Mad Sweeney
What stops me from going full-out right now is the potential I see in other family members. I feel like I've made significant progress with two of them and want them to be in full fade mode before I go DA.
Interestingly, fading without any visible source of disgruntlement is proving to be VERY difficult. I have another family member who was "stumbled" into their dropping meetings and service and others seem to understand that and give very little hassle. I, on the other hand, have been dodging calls trying to arrange shepherding for the last couple weeks. I guess once they know what's wrong, they leave you alone? But if they're puzzled about your behavior they interrogate until they find out? I don't know.
I do feel it would be (will be) a lot easier once I just drop the bomb and am fully out...but not yet.
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sd-7
Every day. Every second of every day. But two things stopped me. One, it'll take more than that to stop the Society. Knowing how you thought when you believed it, you know that. Two, isn't it more satisfying to know that they pride themselves in having a 'clean organization' while the 'poison of apostasy' maintains a firm hold in thousands of their congregations around the world?
Even if they could find all of us, we've already proven we can defeat them with their own sword. That is the ultimate humiliation. They, like so many other demi-gods before them, will never admit defeat, of course. But their maneuvers every day make clear that they are afraid, insecure, incapable of keeping the minds of all their subjects under their spell. They are afraid. Afraid of us. Whatever they may have on our family members, they have it because they are afraid.
We have become more than just men and women. We are symbols. We have turned fear upon those who prey on the fearful, and they use their propaganda to try to counter us. And it only wakes more people up each time. Victory is already in our hands. It may not seem that way sometimes, but knowing what they don't want you to know is enough in itself. It's not always a comfort to be in this position. But one battle at a time, we reclaim our minds and the minds of others. Why throw grenades when you can simply watch the monster eat itself? Painful as it can be, in the end, I hope, it will be infinitely more satisfying.
SD-7
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Mad Sweeney
Thank you for that post, sd-7. What a refreshing and empowering perspective.
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hamsterbait
OTWO -
You love your fambly, witless or otherwise.
You dont want to hurt them because of that.
if you had Catholic rellies, would you make a visit misery over doctrinal arguments?
Love your family. if they hurt YOU then that proves something about them doesnt it?
Live your own life, dont make an issue of it. Let them....
HB
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cantleave
OTWO.
I have got to the stage where I don't care what happens to me in terms of status in the congregation. I intended to go a meeting this evening, just to keep face. I saw the summary of the Congregation Book Study on JWN, and it made me angry. I couldn't face going. OK the content of the study was probably just reinforcement of where my head was at - I never really wanted to go.
The fondness I have for people I have known for years hasn't gone, but I feel I have much less in common with them. If the Elders wanted to talk to me I would have great trouble not saying how I feel. If i was asked directly "Do you believe the FDS are gods channel of communication on Earth?" I don't know how I would answer.
I had a conversation with an Elder on Saturday about the April 15 WT, and Nugget said I was driving the point home a little too hard, so maybe subconsciously I want to pull the pin.
The issue if i did pull the pin, would be family. My Mother and her husband would shun me, and probably write me out their will. I don't know if they would want to keep in touch with our kids, and although my mother is completely nuts, still is still the only why I don't disassociate. My brother will shun me without doubt, but we never speak anyway so it wouldn't worry me.
On nugget's side, her dad isn't a witness and her youngest sister and BIL are fading, so there is support there. I don't know what nuggets mum will do, but I can't imagine her shunning us, but her older sister and elder hubby will shun us (again no loss IMO - that may not be a reflection nugget's opinion).
The other issue I have discussed here in the past is work. Half my work comes from a company that was set up by witnesses and I would imagine that would dry up pretty quickly if I was officially "no longer a witness". TBH that may be a good, it might give a kicked up the backside to look for new clients or branch out some more.
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Twitch
I pulled the pin and never held back what I thought. Of course, there was fallout with some but you find out who your real friends are and that's worth a lot.
I don't regret it. You only live once.
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LUKEWARM
I have thought of pulling the pin many times OTWO, but it bothers me to leave many good people behind who are uninformed of the real truth.
While we are still around, my focus is on helping family and friends to make an informed decision about this religion.
The inconvenience of leading a double life is not easy, but I honestly feel that if one is in a position to do so, being on the inside and remaining a Jehovah's Witnesses in good standing is the best chance one has at getting them to consider the alternative arguments.
In my opinion it takes many different subtle comments over a period of time to plant thoughts and chip away at the mind control, create an atmosphere where they feel comfortable to question, brainstorm and reason alternative viewpoints and get to the stage where they are not totally reliant on the WTS doing all the thinking for them. This reduces their anxiety when material is introduced which can educate and truly liberate them.
Pulling the pin makes that process that much more difficult if not impossible IMHO.
So far I have had good results - DRIP FEEDING conversations, sending them links on the net and providing other smaller printouts over time have prepared the ground. I have since bought these books at my own expense and given it to them simultaneously:- - "Crisis of Conscience" with a close friend
- - "Crisis of Conscience" and later "In Search of Christian Freedom" with my in-laws
- - "Crisis of Conscience" and later "In Search of Christian Freedom" with an elder friend who has since stepped aside
- - "In Search of Christian Freedom" with another elder
2 more "Crisis of Conscience" books are on order from Ray for 2 other friends who I am currently softening the ground with...
Mrs Lukewarm and I want family and friends to remain part of our life but don't know how much longer we can lead this double life...although seeing that some of our friends have been liberated with this information brings us a measure of satisfaction.
If only people took the time and interest to help educate me, perhaps I would not have wasted more precious years dedicating my life to something I thought God required -
OnTheWayOut
Some great new thoughts added to this month-old thread. A special thanks to Hamsterbait.
I have recently had a conversation with my mother. You have to be signed in to see it: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/members/private/187268/1/JW-Mom-decided-to-talk-to-me-about-spiritual-matters
Anyway, I didn't have to pull a pin on a grenade to say what I said there, but it was cleansing to get that out.
I have come to a place of "peace" with my mother. I see that she is a totally indoctrinated cult member and I forgive her for many things in the past. I understand her current situation and will deal with her in the most loving way I can. My wife puts our relationship ahead of anything that WTS goonsquads might ask her to do so far and it looks like that is permanent.So I feel blessed and will put the grenade away.