Need a Little Help - Found JW Niece on Facebook....

by Sam Whiskey 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Sam Whiskey

  Good afternoon all,

  I need a little help... Yesterday I found my niece on Facebook. She's 15 yrs. of age. I am her uncle.

  A little background first:

  She is the daughter of my brother and his wife who are staunch JW's. Her father is an elder and told me a few years back never to attempt to contact his family until I (my wife and I - we were in it from birth) come back to the truth. I could accept that, except, I lost touch with my niece. So for about three years now I have had no contact with her. I love her and have thought about her quite a bit since leaving. Knowing that her parents would throw out any Letters or "Just Thinking of You" cards, I refrained from sending any.

  I have searched for her on Facebook quite a few time over the last few years hoping to find her, and now...I have. Here's the conundrum... I want to take the risk and send her a friend request on Facebook. As many of you may know, at the time of sending the request, we have the option of adding a message. So...knowing that...what do I write? What do I say? I've got one shot to let her know that I love her and that I want her think for herself, and to realize that this is about family love, not a religious decision.

  So...what would you wright? How would you approach it? I'm looking for just one or two brief paragraphs, something for her to really think about before deciding to accept or reject the Friend request.

  Thanks in advance,

  Sam Whiskey
• 

  dgp

  I was never in the society, so there's a lot to which I can't contribute. I think I can help a bit here.

  It seems to me that daring to talk to her anyways is the most difficult part of it all. I'm sure you know that she would be doing what the organization finds wrong, which is "mixing in company" with someone who left the religion. Most likely she will refuse to be your friend. Then, if she accepted your request, she could remain your Facebook friend for as long as her father didn't find out. But, what about other witnesses? JWs seem to only have other JWs as Facebook friends, and your being her "friend" would be a public thing.

  If you decide to talk to her anyways, I think it would be best if you simply sent her a message, not a friend request. If she were willing to continue talking to you, then she could use an e-mail address, which would be away from legalistic eyes.

  I can relate to what you say, because the witness who brought me here won't add me to her Facebook list. You already know the reason.

  If I were to say something to a niece of mine, I would know that it's likely she won't read my message. So I need to write something that is short and meaningful. I would write something like this: "Whatever you think about me, or whatever they have told you about me, whatever I am, please know that I love you with unconditional love, and nothing will ever change that. Please be sure that being able to talk to you, see you, and hug you, if only once, would feel like heaven to me. Please remember that I will always be there for you if you should need me. If I haven't been there for you, it's only because I have found it impossible. Now that I have the slightest chance, here I am". If you had more space to do so (I'm afraid Facebook won't let you write too much), then you can add your address, and whatever you think is OK.

  Hope this helps.
• 

  sir82

  I'd recommend just contacting her, period, and leaving any religious message out of it.

  Once you have established a relationship with her, then perhaps broach the subject. Otherwise, she'll likely view your attempt as "persecution" from an "evil apostate" and dig her heels into JW-dom deeper.
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  changeling

  She's a minor. I would respect her parents wishes. However wrong they are, their intent is to protect. Respecting their wishes will go along way in showing them you are not a threat. When she turns 18, go ahead and send her a message.
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  undercover

  I agree with changeling...she's a minor and you were told to not contact your brother's family. As much as you may hate what this cult has done, you have to just let some things go. Attempting to contact his minor daughter is only going to cause hard feelings and possible legal issues for you. Just don't go there.

  Leaving the JW aspect aside and having had some shady uncles in my past, I'd be suspicious of an uncle of a 15 year old that was trying to contact her via Facebook. Sounds creepy.
• 

  Finally-Free

  I agree with waiting until she turns 18.

  W
• 

  thetrueone

  I would try and make a contact in very light and friendly way.

  She might make notice of the contact to her parents and then she might not at all.

  I think it might be an effort that may produce some thought on why she is not to talk or associate with yourself and your wife.

  Whats her moronic father going to do anyways, the most that might come out of it is he might phone you and tell you to back off.

  The idea is at least you made a motion to get to know your niece and if her parents block this effort

  she might remember this and get her to think WHY ?

  Just my two cents
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  Sam Whiskey

  Hmmm.....all your comments are valid. As much as I want to contact her, it might be better not to. I hadn't thought about the "Creepy" aspect you point out Undercover. Also, I hadn't thought about any legal recourse her parents might have, interesting thought.

  Of course, waiting until she's eighteen could backfire on me too. She could always make the argument, "You could have tried to contact me earlier or sent a card or something".

  Not sure what to do, more confused now than ever....

  Sam
• 

  VoidEater

  I wouldn't contact until she is 18. You may be opening yourself to a range of protective order restrictions.

  At 18 she will have a better ability to figure out why you weren't around than at 15. At 18 she'll be better able to integrate what religion has done in her life.

  After three years, I wonder if mom and dad are open to hearing from you? Would a card to the whole family be worthwhile?
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  dgp

  I think waiting would be a good thing to do, and, despite what I wrote, I agree that perhaps it would be best if you leave the religion out of the relationship for a while. However, I wonder if it is at all possible to leave religion out. You left the society, and for those still in, that always matters. That is the first thing that matters at all.

  From a certain point of view, there's no reason to wait until she's eighteen. I wonder if there's an age at which you can show a niece your love. On the other hand, you could get her into trouble, and, on that basis, I agree that it would be good to wait.

  The big question here is whether your niece would actually like you to contact her now, or not.