I don't want to die.

by paul from cleveland 66 Replies latest jw friends

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  sammielee24

  This is something a great majority of JW's go through. A lifetime of being told that you would never die - only to find out that this was one of the biggest lies you were fed - well, it can only make a lot of people depressed because while the rest of the world must come to grips with death and learn how to cope with loss, the JW's are taught to live in an illusion. Delusion is their reality and sadly, it will take you time to undo the damage and realize that every day does have a purpose. Make it your purpose. You no longer have to rely on the society to tell you what to think or what to do or who to do it with - perhaps, your purpose is to gain knowledge; personal knowledge that will help you grow to become stronger within yourself.

  The WTS only remains the guard at your prison door if you elect to stay in the prison even after the door is open.

  It is difficult and you might have flashbacks of anxiety and that's normal. It will get easier in time. sammieswife.
• 

  purplesofa

  nice post Leaving WT

  and love the video from Harold and Maude, a very great movie BTW

  and love the Cat Stevens songs in it.

  purps
• 

  paul from cleveland

  I'll don't think I'll ever be able to get the watchtower teaching out of my head. I can't help thinking that somehow it's true but I'm just not good enough to qualify for it. I really want to live but I think death is imminent.
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  restrangled

  Naaaa, paul, I felt the same in 1974....when I was Df'd...they reversed it 6 months later...I was so relieved. I was going to survive .....PFFFFT....I was 16 at the time.....Now I am 50. Here I am.....you certainly will not die in your normal lifetime.

  r.
• 

  Chalam

  Hi Paul,

  This verse comes to mind

  Romans 12:2 (New International Version)

  ... but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

  Reagrding death

  1 Corinthians 15:55-57 (New International Version)

  55 "Where, O death, is your victory?
  Where, O death, is your sting?" 56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

  John 10:10 (New International Version)

  10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

  Romans 6:23 (New International Version)

  23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  Go to Jesus, take the free gift :)

  Happy Christmas!

  Blessings,

  Stephen
• 

  flipper

  PAUL FROM CLEVELAND - Paul , I too was raised a Jehovah's Witness from birth like you. I was going to meetings from birth until age 44 - 6 years ago. I left due to injustices and doubts I had about the " generation " teaching. So I do know how you feel starting a new life and trying to find your niche and trying to find your meaning in life after you thought you were going to live forever. I sympathize. Been where you are at. I felt similar.

  You asked : " What gives your life meaning ? " and " Is this it ? " and " How can I put it out of my mind and enjoy life ? " So I'll try to answer your questions in a combined form in at least what I have learned in my 6 years after leaving the witnesses.

  What has given my life meaning is appreciating the little things everyday in life that we were too busy to notice as Jehovah's Witnesses. Stop for a minute , breathe deeply in and exhale . Just BREATHING air is a real privilege ! Dude- I was so busy out in service, attending meetings, carrying mikes, giving talks as a witness - I never stopped to observe how FANTASTIC sunsets are , or sunrises ! What gives my life meaning is my relationship with my wonderful wife, my adult son who is 24 and also free to pursue life outside the witnesses. He went to college for awhile too. I get meaning in my life by just being here on this board enjoying helping others to see they can move on after the witnesses. Being a Jehovah's Witness was definitely not " it " as you mentioned. Now that we are not bound by the governing body's demands- we can volunteer in outside groups to help other people. Feed the homeless. Reach out to lonely people who just need a hearing ear or a friend . And do it, why ? NOT to get an " eternal life " reward - but do it because it's the loving, right thing to do ! It makes people feel better, and it makes YOU feel better !

  As Changeling mentioned ; There are many interests you have the chance to find out what you enjoy pursuing now . What did you enjoy in High School ? Any subjects you liked ? What do you want to do for a living ? Work ? Would it be possible to take a college course in some interest you enjoy ? What hobbies do you enjoy ? Do you like sports ? Reading ? Golf ? Hiking ? Biking ? Now that you have the time , it will help you to " put out of your mind " negative thoughts by pursuing positive goals for yourself personally you will be able to enjoy your life once again by keeping yourself busy doing what you enjoy in pleasure and work, or school.

  So in a nutshell - What gives my life meaning is sharing love with others and receiving love from others who love me unconditionally. My wife and I enjoy living out in the forested Sierra mountains and enjoy the beauty, we enjoy our pet dogs and cats as well ! Keeps us laughing. I'm really too busy to worry about a future death to be honest . I'm too busy enjoying the positives I can get in this life - while we have it ! Remember the old adage the glass is either half full, or half empty. It's how you perceive the world around you. I know the expression is a cliche, but true. You will get what you put out in this life if you give your best effort. And there is A LOT to live for ! So think about what things you enjoy doing ! If you ever want to talk, I'll PM you my number. Take care dude
• 

  diamondiiz

  Paul: I'm still in that boat, not that I'm afraid of dying but it's just soooo sad. We lived this dream that we won't die and that the end is just around the corner and as long as we told ourselves that fantasy we didn't think of dying in this world. Problem is that people outside of the cult don't think of death so most naturally live their lives as normal human beings and only think of their mortality when someone close to them dies. JWs on the other hand think constantly of death as we all kept the idea in mind that only we will live forever as long as we are in the "ark" and as long as we "do God's will". I think time needs to pass before we move on from the state of cult control and that lie becomes more of a distant nightmare than a present memory. Also, for some of us it's easier to walk away from the concept since some of us never believed it or felt inadequate to make it to paradise but those of us who believed this shit it's harder to get over. I know what you're feeling as I still have a lot of sad feelings knowing that I will die and that I've wasted years of my youth in the cult living a dream and a lie. Time heals everything, give it time.
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  Nathan Natas

  Paul, if your avatar is any indicator, you're a young fellow with a lot of time ahead of you.

  Let me ask you something a bit different: let's say you did live forever. What would give your life meaning then?

  Praising Jehovah? "Boy, oh boy! that was a REALLY good prayer Abraham gave at last night's meeting! I can hardly wait until the next time he sanctifies Jehovahs Universal Sovreignty!"

  Seriously, Dude!

  Do you enjoy being with your friends because you want to do the same thing for the millionth time? "Wow, we've played theocratic (Brooklyn Heights) MONOPOLY 778 times now! Next time will be 779! I am SO pumped up!

  We are part of nature. Death is NATURAL. You were dead (non-existent) for an INFINITY before you were born, and someday you will return to non existence. You life is the only time you have to enjoy sunsets, music, good food and the company of other minds. THAT is what makes life precious.
• 

  leavingwt

  I'll don't think I'll ever be able to get the watchtower teaching out of my head. I can't help thinking that somehow it's true but I'm just not good enough to qualify for it. I really want to live but I think death is imminent.

  Paul,

  Please read 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steve Hassan, at your earliest convenience. You'll be amazed to learn that some of the negative thoughts and (irrational) fears that you're experiencing are 'programmed responses', the result of subtle indoctrination.

  The book is available, used, on Amazon for less than ten bucks. It really helped me to understand my WT experience. It also helped me shed many fears.

  http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0892813113/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used

  -LWT
• 

  Satanus

  I'm not a jw or a bible believer, but i still tend to believe that there is an afterlife. In some focused meditations i did, i saw my brother who had died a few decades ago. Of course, things like this can be questioned. Guess, you have to do your own investigation, in your own way and make your own decision about it. Noone knows w 110% certainty if there is or isn't an afterlife, and if there is, what it is like. We only know, for sure when we get there, if there is. If there isn't then, after we die, we still don't know.

  Fear of death comes from the ego. The ego is an artificial construct that we build from infancy on up, like an avatar. It fears it's ending. Going into some kinds of meditation, you leave the ego, basically letting it die. Minideaths. It's cool to get beyondand out of it for short periods of time. A person can get answers to questions, there.

  S