Serious advice needed... being df'd without the brothers hearing my side???

by edlewiese 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  parakeet

  edlewiese, you need to take the offensive. Contact a lawyer and have him/her send a letter to the elders similar to this one posted by Gayle a month ago. It made the elders run like little bunny rabbits.

  July 15, 1985

  James L. Simpson

  Body Of Elders

  Sun City Kingdom Hall

  Surprise

  13016 Elm Street

  Surprise, Arizona

  Dear Mr. Simpson:

  I am in receipt of your letter dated July 9, 1985 to Mr. William Minette. He has asked that I represent him in this matter. Further, he has requested that I write you to request any further communications be directed to him at this office through me.

  Any efforts to make a pronouncement or take action regarding Mr. Minette's status as a Christian, his moral character or any other statements which may possibly affect his relationship with others will be viewed as a violation of Mr. Minette's constitutional rights, in fact, violation of his First Amendment rights. In addition, we will seek assistance from the Superior Court of Maricopa County or from the United States District Court in Phoenix, Arizona to protect those rights if necessary. In doing so, my client has requested that I seek attorney fees.

  In order to avoid this expense and unnecessary action, we ask that any previous statements or comments, that may have been made in regard to Mr. Minette be withdrawn or disclaim as the case may be.

  If you have any questions regarding this matter, please do not hesitate to contact me.

  Sincerely,

  David Burnell Smith DBS/kpm

  ************************************************

  (To our knowledge, nothing was announced on the platform. A few friends/friends and relatives have done this and some of their JW relatives/friends still are willing to talk with them some (just because it was not 'announced'). We know their "announcing" your name on the platform is an official "smear" tactic. That should not be allowed by us.)

  Worth a try, doncha think?
• 

  OUTLAW

  So then if they have already decided then what is the point of me meeting with them...

  There is`nt any..

  Welcome to Watchtower World...

  ..........................
• 

  Sapphy

  Sweetheart I'm sorry for your situation. The situation is this; Cult language in " ".

  You married a not very nice man. You were a faithful wife for 15 years. His activities left you socially isolated and "on the fringes of the congregation". You reached your breaking point and left. Unfortunately you signed a letter saying your ex is now "scripturally free".

  This letter now constitutes "evidence of wrongdoing", if you don't meet with the "Judicial Committee", then they can follow "theocratic procedure" and "disfellowship you in absentia".

  If you are not living with your new man, you could perhaps try and withdraw your letter saying you didnt realise it meant you were confessing to wrong doing - just say you thought it meant that you wanted a "scriptural divorce" or something and didn't understand the implications.

  Although if they have two witnessess to your adultery then it would be very difficult - would your own father testify against you?
• 

  Scully

  The letter your ex asked you to provide was probably a prelude to him being approved to remarry or be in a relationship with another JW woman.

  IMO, you could write a letter (or have a lawyer write one for you) stating that you will sue each individual elder for slander if they proceed with disfellowshipping you. State in the letter that you agreed to meet with them to discuss your ex-husband's unfaithfulness and abusive behaviour that led to your marital breakdown, but you will not agree to meet with them if their intent is to violate your basic human rights of freedom of association with your own blood relatives, the pursuit of happiness, and freedom from physical, emotional, mental and spiritual abuse.
• 

  edlewiese

  I love the letter that was posted.. Thank you

  I do not have 2 witnesses.. and actually I can say because of fear of my ex that I just signed the letter because he needed to be out of my life. However, I don't want to meet with these men.. I feel like you are answering to them not to Jehovah. Jehovah is the only one that knows my situation and my heart. What brought me to where I am today.. I am glad that I only answer to him..

  I think answering to this committee is very unbiblical and they judge on what they want to judge on and force you to make commitments on what they want you to do..

  I just had a funny thought.. I could always go in there and place it all on my ex.. tell them (which I did) that when I left that I wanted to reconnect with him.. date him and build back what we once had and he told me that he didn't want to..

  This according to them would be him putting me in a volitale situation and place blame on him.. the Prince of his family would fall hard on that one. He was the one that filed for divorce etc.. not me...
• 

  djmac1031

  I agree with the several who have stated that your signed letter can and will be used as "evidence" againt you...if you have moved in with this new man in your life, they can and will assume 'adultery" and thats all the charges they need for a DF.

  They can do this with or without meeting with you personally.

  That being said....visiting this site HAS opened my eyes to the idea of using legal tactics such as the letter posted above as a way to thwart any public announcements against you; this is something I wish Id been more aware of myself BEFORE I renounced my membership and wrote them my DA letter.

  Bottom line: NO public announcement means NO disfellowshipping, means friends and family can still talk to you.

  if that it your concern, remaining in contact ith fellow friends or family, then by all means pursue whatever means necessary to keep them from making any public announcements.

  if you dont care, and have no one within the congregation that you wish to remain in contact with, then its not worth the effort, let them DF you.
• 

  Doubting Bro

  Sapphy is dead on.

  Can I ask exactly what this letter you signed said? If it just said that you recognize that he is "scriputally free" (code language for admitting that you've had a sexual relationship with someone), without going into any details, you may be able to argue that 1) you didn't understand what you were signing, or 2) that because of his previous abuse you were coerced into signing it.

  Your ex obviously wants to date (or is dating) another JW and that's why he's doing this. But, if you don't want to get df'ed then you would pretty much have to play by their rules and tell them how terrible he was because they will take that letter as a confession and if you're not there to defend yourself, it will be a 2 minute meeting.

  I like Scully's idea of going after the individual elders for slander but that's going to cost money. Putting it out there may make them back off. I personally would love to see someone do that because I know the WTS would not defend their individual elders.

  Of course, the whole thing is clearly unscriptural but then again, that's the WTS for you.
• 

  dinah

  I just had a funny thought.. I could always go in there and place it all on my ex.. tell them (which I did) that when I left that I wanted to reconnect with him.. date him and build back what we once had and he told me that he didn't want to..

  You're not going to be able to blame anything on a human who bears a penis in the organization.

  They will still df you even if you don't show up. That's what they did to my best friend.
• 

  flipper

  EDELWIESE- Welcome to the board my friend. I'm sorry you are going through this. Been there, done this myself. It sounds like you had a vengeful, cat spit up hairball for a husband. Your husband I think is doing this to get back at you for leaving him. Many times a witness mate will do the " Oh I'm suddenly so repentant " act by going back to meetings and cozying up to the elders just to make the other mate look bad.

  I feel that the poster SAPPHY had some good advice. The elders will try to hold you to the fact that you signed a paper stating your ex has scriptural freedom. You could say that due to his being abusive to you that he caused you to sign it under duress or intimidation . You could also play dumb and act like you didn't know what the paper entailed or meant.

  I was chased down by elders wanting to get me for " circumstancial fornication " - but they had NOTHING on me- just word of mouth rumors. I fought it and won my appeal of them DFing me in absentia. But they have harder evidence on you with the signed paper. One word of advice - If you choose to get an attorney or lawyer to write them a letter , you will only have 7 days to do it AFTER the elders verbally tell you that you are disfellowshipped. You HAVE to get the appeal letter and attorney letter to them within that 7 days - or they WILL announce your name at a congregation meeting as no longer being one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

  Just some details you may want to consider if you are wanting to keep in touch with your witness relatives. If you want to fight this you have to be the aggressor against the elders. They ARE NOT used to publishers questioning them or fighting their decisions. I'd go for it- what do you have to lose ? Family. That's what. MAKE the elders hear your side . Take the control away from them as it gives them $hit fits when people do that. You might just get lucky and dodge the bullet. Be smart
• 

  changeling

  Your case is very sad but in no way unusual.

  1- You can be DF'd in absentia. Your husband has a signed statement by you that he is "scriptually free". This is all they need.

  2-Lap dances and pornography have become very common among JW's and they are usually handled with a slap on the wrist. They are not considered grounds for a scriptual divorce.

  3- Unless you have evidence of "severe physical abuse" (Check out the "Family" book), the abuse you suffered from your husband will be treated lightly and you might even come under scrutily for "provoking" him.

  4- Porneia covers any sexual immorality, adultery included.

  4- I do not know what legal recourse you have. If you go through with a lawsuit and the time and money it would involve, and are successful, please post about it here so others can learn and benefit.

  You are going to go through a rough time, but please remember, life is better w/o the WT and their degrading standards. You will be the better for it, in the long run. :)