Serious advice needed... being df'd without the brothers hearing my side???

by edlewiese 33 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  changeling

  I agree with flipper. Your husband sounds like the vengeful type. I've seen this sooo many times! In fact, I have a friend who had an alcoholic bum for a witness husband who finally had enough and left. He wanted her to sign a letter to say he was free. She was so fed up with him and the unsupportive elders that she did sign it even though she had not been with anyone. She just didn't care anymore.

  She was df'd and her husband, the drunk, started pioneering. He came out smelling like a rose.

  She is still DF'd and living a happy life. She is re-married and has a new career. It was all worth it in her eyes.
• 

  dinah

  Yeah, lap dances for a man gets a slap on the wrist. Letting your boyfriend touch your left breast will get you df'd.

  We had a woman in my old congregation who was talked into staying with an abusive man. He almost killed her.
• 

  mimimimi

  I was disfellowshipped in absentia in 1975. I don't remember if I was even invited to meet with them. They called me on the phone on a Sunday morning and told me it was going to be announced at the meeting that morning, which seems strange now because aren't those announcements usually made after the Service Meeting?
• 

  choosing life

  Depends on what exactly was in that letter. You could say you thought your husband was free to remarry scripturally because of HIS behavior. If the letter is not specifically about your behavior, fight it. Make them come up with 2 witnesses.

  They can and will disfellowship in absentia, so if you want to fight you will have to act quickly.
• 

  Found Sheep

  they are trying to do the same to me... not sure if this is a "big clean up" for the JW's... I feel your pain I go thru the same feelings do I fight or not?! I don't believe there crap but at the same time don't feel they have the right to get in my life!!!
• 

  twinkle toes

  They will DF with or without you if its what they want to do.

  So sorry for your pain.

  tt
• 

  parakeet

  changeling: ....an alcoholic bum for a witness husband....

  Pretty much redundant, doncha think?
• 

  dgp

  Edlewiese,

  I'm sorry if this post of mine is unrealistic, and my apology goes to other people, too. I was never in and never will be in, so there's just a lot I can't share with you. But, why would you want to go back to a group that turns a blind eye to what he did and is obviously trying to hurt you, no matter what? What is the moral value of the three elders? Are you going to be led and stay in obedience by this kind of people?

  You have moved on and have a good life with this other man. Why would you give up on that? Why return, or stay, in a group that does this to its own people?

  Maybe I can't really understand what is going on, but, me being me, I would disassociate myself. Writing something like "I don't want to be in the company of a bunch of bastards like you the three elders intent on disfellowshipping me. You know very well that my husband did strip clubs, et cetera, and now you have the nerve to come and try to disfellowship me? What's wrong with you people?" You add the rest.
• 

  besty

  welcome to JWN

  my wife Sweetpea was DF'd in absentia (apostasy :-)) after her MD sent a letter to the JC saying she was medically unfit to attend.

  Doesn't matter much when they have decided.

  You could try any/all of these:

  1 - tell them you prayed to Jehovah and He said you have to wait indoors for a few months

  2 - tell them you have had a prayer answered and are an emotional/physical wreck and are not up to a meeting yet, but soon will be.

  3 - tell them you have had a prayer answered and are relying on them doing the right thing and use the words "but what you have to do, do quickly" <Jesus to Judas>

  Good luck - be sure to let us know how it goes....
• 

  Nathan Natas

  You may believe that a lapdance breaks the marriage bond, but I don't believe that is what the WTB&TS teaches.

  Lapdances are NON-contact, thus not technically pornea.

  So you left your "faithful JW" husband for non-scriptural reasons and hooked up with some other dude. Give me the scriptural citation that permts this.

  The WTB&TS is a "theocratic oligarchy." ( A bunch of guys ruling on behalf of their invisible, silent, imaginary friend.)

  They make the rules. At one time, when you joined, you agreed to follow their rules. When they throw you out, they'll just announce that you are no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses, which in itself isn't libel. That's why the WTB&TS stopped announcing the reasons for DF'ing a long time ago.

  A religion is not obligated to have you as a member. It's their own private club. That's "freedom of religion."

  Instead of fixating on what is past, figure out what your future is going to be like, and make it one you are happy with.