What is the best thing you did to recover after leaving the JWs?

by Lady Lee 47 Replies latest jw friends

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  Heaven

  Lady Lee... this is a great thread! I think it will help a lot of people. You're an amazing lady.

  For me, as a teenager back in the '70s, I realized I couldn't be a JW but didn't exactly voice this decision to my parents as I knew what it would mean. I think my refusal to go 'out in service' spoke volumes along with my reaction to the Creation-Evolution flip-flop my Mom was demonstrating. I put together my plan for independence and looked forward to the time when I would become a legal adult. Part of that plan was to get a part-time job while still in high school to earn some money to help support my future education. This kept me pretty busy along with my farm chores and school home work and assignments. As soon as I graduated from high school, I moved out of my parents house, moved far enough away that I couldn't be 'monitored', and went to College. It wasn't too difficult because my parents were living in rural Ontario and most Colleges are located in a large town or city. I went back to Toronto.

  One of the most rewarding things anyone can do is to learn something new as well as to set goals, put a plan in place to achieve these goals, and then execute the plan. WE are the architects of our lives. Start creating. It is so much fun!
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  Finally-Free

  Got rid of all my watchtower crap. Bought and read all of the essential "apostate" books. Eventually disposed of those, as I was finished with them and needed the shelf space. Now I'm focused on my career, hobbies, and my home which is an ongoing renovation project.

  W
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  designs

  Education and university enrollment, also hooking up with some great charitable foundations and non profit groups that are really on the ground roll up your sleeves and make a difference types.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Like Flipper, I re-educated myself about cult mind control. I was thoroughly helped and moved by Steve Hassan's books. There was also one book that Blondie recommended, not specifically about religious mind control, but about the mind and the inability to see the mistaken path before you go waaaay down it- MISTAKES WERE MADE; BUT NOT BY ME.

  When I read Kyria Abraham's book (I'M PERFECT, YOU'RE DOOMED) in 2009, I knew I needed something else. I started writing my own book about becoming and then unbecoming one of Jehovah's Witnesses. I am more than halfway through it now. It may be suitable for publishing, it may not. Even if I were the only one to read it, it helps me to cleanse myself and realize so much about my past. So many bitter thoughts are now just pages on a book and I can actually look at them that way and let go.
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  Butterflyleia85

  I did as palmtree67 did. It was the best for me for sure! Very encouraging words, great advice, and friendly/loving ppl touched my heart.

  What is the best thing you did?

  I for sure think keeping positive and never give up hope is the best... but if you do, yes seeking professional help or a good motivator (friend, family member) to talk to helps alot. I remember being so down I lost all hope and just wanted to die... it sad but true. It's when we feel we have no more control in our lives and just want to end it all. It's so important to get help!! and don't be ashamed because we all no matter how strong a person seems do need another person's help.

  Was there something you did that wasn't worth the effort?

  Don't feed on your sorrow it only gets worse... drinking (drowning in neverland), sex (seeking out affection), negitive envoriments (people, places, or being alone)... Get out and do something!!! Anything positive & benefital!!!

  What would you recommend for others to try?

  Well if they are coming here for sure that is a good step! I came here and keep posting... it is the words I needed to hear and it lead to something... it wasn't empty words or promises. If you seek help that is always good! (I use to have a problem with that, I felt I could do it myself and I found that it makes me no less of a person because I seeked help)
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  Found Sheep

  Like so many of you - I read lots of books and internet sites like this one !!!! great idea!!! I trew everything away that made me feel like a JW... not just books but "oh so modest dresses and shoes" I made new friends, started back in school, went out and did things I have never done, U2 concert, traveled, enjoyed the NOW of life... trying to help others!!!

  the bad - it has taken me too long to get rid of the anger, and I still feel controlled by there thinking, I hate knowing they look down on me and think i am a bad person when to be honest I am a much better person then i WAS. Trying not to look down at them, they are just doing what they think is right... healing takes time, more than i thought it would...
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  LittleSister

  It's still very much early days for me even though I haven't been to a meeting in over 2 years, I only found out what the society is really all about just before Christmas.

  However, I have to agree with Lady Lee and others that education and information are an important part of the recovery process as is discussion with others who have been or are going through the same thing, which is why I am on JWN nearly every day.

  I don't want to become bitter or allow the past to make me resentful of those I love, but who have been misguided. I remind myself how lucky I am each day and that had my life taken a different path I might not of met my husband or had my son (soon to be sons).

  Should the opportunity come to help others I will take it, but I know breaking free of JW control is something that many will probably never be able to do and cannot be forced.
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  Lady Lee

  Well it looks like educating yourself is top of the list whether that is in school or just self-taught. It is a powerful tool to get you rmind thinking again

  Hobbies, making new friends is up there too. We need to make a place for ourselves in the world. One that is healthy and makes us happy and feel good about our new life

  Getting rid of anything JW was important to some and I think that what some of you said was very important. Too often we continue to think like a JW, using the WTS' "loaded language" one method of thought control. We need to stop this

  A few said getting therapy helped and I totally agree. Therapy and even medication if needed can be a huge help. Remember leaving is not just about starting a new life. There has to be a grieving process. We lost our families, all our friends, our religion, our way of life. That is HUGE. and we need to honor that loss.

  The anger can hold us down too. Often the anger is hiding the pain of being lied to and manipulated. It's OK to be angry. Just don't let it rule your life. It can become the sole focus of your life if you let it.
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  blondie

  I stopped all contact with my TOXIC family (yes, I tried to work it out...like making friends with a serial killer). I wished I had done it sooner.
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  Butterflyleia85

  Well said Lady Lee!

  I havent' really stopped contact with my family (with our strong love and them (mom, sister, & grandma) knowing nobody deserves being DFed), I fortunitely get to spend some time with them, enought to know they still love me & I can show I love them. Thank goodness though that my grandma has her sister that isn't a JW and shows love and care. For my mom, we are so close nothing can pull us apart. My sister I think is going through a growing process... I think all in all it takes time. During that time we (us DF or recoverers from leaving JW) just got to make sure we don't put our lives on hold... after such loss I remember I just stopped... stopped everything I enjoyed that benefited me... I quit school, I quit exercising, I stopped caring... caring about myself, caring about what to say, how to feel... I just let everything go! It wasn't good at all. I didn't even really notice either at the time, I just saw my world crumbling to peices and I didn't know how to stop it but on the other hand I didn't care to stop it.

  I tried many times for the past two years to get back on track and all my attempts just seemed to unraval again! I knew something was missing and I couldn't understand how to get it or really what it was. I felled the emptiness with fixes or carefree fun. It doesnt work you can't ignore it, you have to solve it. I even got back in! I did as I was told... and still I felt unhappy! I felt forced... I knew I had my family I knew now my JW friends could talk to me freely but I still couldn't let go of the love and friendships that were still DF, it just felt wrong, unjust and I was angry in, I looked at others who were in and they were no better then the people out, at times it almost seemed the ones in were just more secretive or depressed or had this hugh wall like they convenced themselves they were happy... here I worked so hard to get back in and I knew it wasn't me. Honestly I couldn't put a finger on it but just saw myself go crazy inside again. And here again I was DFed I let myself get to me, my insides were screaming and they won... I thought but geez now I understand Job!! Ha But something wasn't right... I had to find answers!

  Eduation! I totally agree! Once I came here and read read read I learned what I was feeling was a common feeling others had and it was normal... Thank GOD I was not going crazy!!

  And my healing process truely began...