A Mind at War

by cappytan 28 Replies latest jw experiences

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  cappytan

  Right now, I feel like my mind is at war with itself.

  On the one side is Reason, Logic.
  

  On the other is Tradition, Hope and Fear.
  

  Reason and Logic are challenging life-long beliefs. They are telling me, "Is this any more believable than the story of The Lord of the Rings?"
  

  Certain doctrines of my belief system are crumbling.
  

  My mind still wants to hold on to the belief in a Creator, his son Jesus and the Bible. Those aren't crumbling at this time (yet).

  However, as other deeply held doctrinal beliefs fall like dominoes, I can't help but fear that it will affect my faith in the scriptures.
  

  I'm worried right now. Worried because I know where this path leads. It leads to both freedom and heartache. It leads to moving forward while leaving others behind. It leads to the possibilities of new beginnings, and the likelihood of personal loss.
  

  Do I take that path? Or do I ignore my reason and thinking ability to preserve such things as family, friends and comfort?
  

  I don't know. This is hard. It sucks. A lot.
• 

  Crazyguy

  I so know what your feeling and at times i wish i would of never taken the journey. But now that i know i try to focus on helping my kids to grow free and to live full lives.
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  freemindfade

  Focus on the freedom, with a good fade the heartache wont happen, and the void left by your crumbling doctrines will soon be filled with relief and peace. Tear it down. Let it crumble. There is light on the other side trust me, I know the anxious feeling you are experiencing. Being a witness for a long time or raised in it as I was gives you an all or nothing mentality, this makes it hard to progress without feeling like the ground is going to open up and swallow you
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  cofty

  It does suck. Only you can assess the costs and benefits for you.

  My only advice would be that there is no rush. Give your heart time to catch up with your head. 
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  freemindfade

  "Give your heart time to catch up with your head. " what cofty said is a perfect way of describing it. Someday you'll feel like you are falling out of control, but you aren't just give yourself time to break the shackles.
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  cappytan

  The Watchtower Yoke is not kindly and their load is not light.
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  goingthruthemotions

  YOLO...why live like that....i am in the same situation, but time is running out and my issue will come to head. 

  it's funny you say the watchtower is like the lord of the rings. because it have often compared it to it in my mind. how funny LOL.

  don't let the war wage...there are more important things in life to worry about insignificant, mindcontrolling cults.

  if your wife truely loves you, she will follow. it's has simple has that!!!!! 

  start seeing a counselor...they are very helpful.

  joining this cult was the worse mistake of my life...if i could turn back time

  shalom
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  freemindfade

  If i was writing a book on how it is to break away, I'd call this time the detox time, just don't give up your course, and soon you'll make it through and have peace. It's powerful and like getting off a drug your mind has depended on for so long. 
• 

  JamesThomas

  Cappy,

  Look closer at your own innate wisdom.

  You are clearly aware that your mind is at war. So leave the battle for a while.

  Perhaps meditation and getting in-touch with the silent feelings and sensations in your body. may help.

  Many people find Eckhart Tolle's teachings supportive in this regard.

  The mind is a dumping ground for anything and everything. It helps to be grounded in a healthy silence in order to efficiently sift through all the stuff.
• 

  EdenOne

  Cappytan, 

  This path will sooner or later lead you to question what you once thought was beyond questioning: Are the Jehovah's Witnesses wrong? Have they ever been God's chosen religion at all? Are they just another deluded religion? Have I been deceived when I thought I had the truth? What about the Bible - is it God's word or not? Was Jesus even real? How exactly Christianity came to exist? Is the Almighty creator God the Jehovah from the Bible? Is there a God, anyway? 

  Not long ago, I'm sure you didn't even dared to ask any of these questions even inside your mind. You would be afraid of commiting a sin by asking these questions, so you avoided them. Now, they lie in your path, and sooner or later you'll have to face them. Don't be scared, but don't rush either. Pick one at a time, find your answer, then let it sink on you. Then move on to the next. By the time you finish with it, you'll be surprised at how much your perspective has changed.

  Eden