A Mind at War (page 3)

Vidiot

cappytan - "However, as other deeply held doctrinal beliefs fall like dominoes, I can't help but fear that it will affect my faith in the scriptures."

You're right.

It will.

FayeDunaway

It could affect your faith in a good way!!

OrphanCrow

Do I take that path? Or do I ignore my reason and thinking ability to preserve such things as family, friends and comfort?

Cappytan, stay true to yourself. When you look in the mirror, it is best if you see yourself honestly - when all the chips are down, you are the one who has to live with yourself.

Fear is hard to conquer. Cultivate courage. Be fearless.

I stumbled on a bit of ttatt back in spring 2012. I had gotten fed up with some of the things I had seen and continued to see in the congregations, so I watched a few youtube videos and such. I only went so far at that time. I felt a little better about my grievances - almost like I had gotten some frustration out. So I pulled back.

The unraveling had begun, though. I chose to swallow it down, cover it up with the standard party-line excuses, and push forward. It didn't take long before I was running into more congregation frustration around the summer of 2013. I again turned to the internet to get my frustrations out. This time I went all the way. I read almost the entire JWfacts.com site and COC etc. Well, I will never be the same.

I am telling you this to say - I am not sure it is as much a "choice" as you may think. The truth will burn inside you. You can't un-know what you know. A sane person doesn't typically choose delusion over reality. You can try to turn away from it and stay in the "warm bed" of the familiar. You can pull the covers over your head to avoid the feelings of fear, betrayal, and the unknown...but this isn't going to solve the problem long-term (although it might be helpful short-term :)) The truth is still waiting on you once your nap is over.

But with that said...Taking your time and allowing your anxiety to cool down is a good start. Like someone said to me in the beginning...time is on your side. Time is not running out like JW's teach. You have plenty of time to sort this stuff out and create a level-headed plan of action.

I will add this. When I was first coming to grips with it, I had a problem letting go of the thought of "having it all figured out". I also felt compelled to replace the JW belief system with another. I guess it's just what we're used to. Well what helped me was realizing this next statement and repeating it to myself many times:

"I don't have all the answers.........but ..........neither do they"

"I don't have the answers.....but......the governing body doesn't either."

I also remember thinking and even said to my wife multiple times back then, "I don't have all the answers, but I also don't pretend I do. And I sure as hell don't demand people believe what I believe with the threat of taking away their family and friends or being killed by God."

I cringe at the thought of saying so much to my wife so early. I am more careful now. It was just boiling inside me then.

Because of the effects of indoctrination, It will take a long time for all of this new info to really sink in. If it takes a while to simply sink in, it certainly will take a while for you to evaluate life's big questions. So be patient with yourself. Let the process breathe. The big questions aren't going anywhere. Time is on your side and we are all in this same boat.

-TE

freemindfade

Great advice TTATTelder, sounds like we al share some shockingly similar experiences. I think one of the best things you said is about time being out your side. At first you feel like its burning you up to realize all this and you want to shake everyone and it gives you anxiety, but once you come to terms with yourself and the time you actually have, you realize that would just be counter productive. Loved your post TE, very sound. And again since joining I can't believe the similarities I share with so many. I think this is a sure fire sign that it is a cult when coming out of it makes you go through a systematic process with different phases.

FayeDunaway

Nice post ttatt. I would just say, I did not feel I had time on my side. I have children. I knew ttatt and I didn't want them to feel pressured to get baptized. I didn't want them to miss out on the joys of childhood I knew they should be experiencing. If it's just you and the wife, completely do take your time!! It is on your side! But if you have kids, get out, so they can have normal childhoods and not be stuck in this thing possibly all their lives!!

cappytan

I have children. I knew ttatt and I didn't want them to feel pressured to get baptized. I didn't want them to miss out on the joys of childhood I knew they should be experiencing.

I have kids myself. They're real little. But my wife and I both agree that we got baptized too young.

If it comes to it, I'm not going to tell them they can't get baptized. Everyone has to make their own decisions and I'm going to let them choose their own life. But I certainly won't let them get baptized before they're 18. My wife told me the other day, "If you're not legally old enough to make a decision about getting married until you're 17 or 18, then you're definitely not old enough to make a decision about baptism either."

Hopefully I'll be able to orchestrate a family fade before the kids are too indoctrinated.

When they're older, I'll make sure they know both sides to the story about the so-called "Truth" and they can make their decision then.

TTATTelder

I understand that having children adds to the anxiety, but it doesn't change the point I was trying to make.

Armageddon isn't coming... No Devil is after you.....So take your time and make a level-headed plan for you and your family. Assuming lives aren't in immediate danger, It is never a good idea to make a rash or overly emotional decision.

(there can be many variables to consider - immediate family, extended family, friends, employment concerns, business partnerships, pending inheritances, no social network to replace the JW community etc etc)

Thinking things through is good advice in any situation, but I think even more so if you are dealing with the effects of having your worldview crumble before you. There is emotional "dust-settling" to allow time for.

-Good luck to everybody dealing with this mess. It sucks. I hope for the day when WT leaders are prosecuted for the scumbags they are.

-TE

FayeDunaway

Ttatt it's not just anxiety, it's reality. They're not going to get those childhoods back. It's true he shouldn't make a rash decision, but it's a good time to plan.

cappytan, try to leave before the kids are in school, if possible. Your wife sounds like she's coming along. At the very least, she's a liberal sort of witness and that's a really good start. Maybe the next time the blood issue comes up, express your discontent with it. Ask her if she would let your kids die. Dont be too strong on it, just get her thinking. Your situation looks really hopeful compared to a lot of situations on here.

A Mind at War

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